Hi, first post

[Jago]

Hello Everyone,
Recently I was made aware of the condition and some of the symptoms of CPTSD and suddenly everything made sense! I realised that these feelings were not because of bad 'personality traits' but rather a response to trauma I learnt as an infant. How empowering that I can unlearn some of these trauma responses and feel safe again. Grateful to have found such a rich resource as this forum!

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. I'm sorry your experiences mean you needed to seek us out, but glad you have found us.

[Moondance]

 

A warm welcome to you Jago.

Wishing you the best on your healing journey.

[woodsgnome]

Great that your trail has led you to this spot -- hope it's the beginning of that new outlook you've been eager to find.

Love your description of needing to 'unlearn' aa you begin to deconstruct the false life you've felt has dragged you down for so long.

Let the unlearning continue! 

[Kizzie]

A warm welcome to OOTS Jago     I agree with Woodsgnome - let the unlearning begin 

[storyworld]

Jago,
Welcome! I'm new here also. I have found this site helpful and encouraging. I hope you do as well. I was struck (in an encouraged way) by your statement regarding being able to unlearn trauma responses. I have been wrestling with denial. I'm not sure why, but it has felt easier to view myself as a problem than to acknowledge that certain memories and images might be real. (I suspect this is because, if I acknowledge some things as real, I will have to deal with those things, and the thought of that terrifies me.) Your statement encourages me to shift my thinking and to view my journey differently, and with hope. Thank you for that.

[Jago]

Hey Storyworld,
That's wonderful and makes me feel not so alone on this journey! One concept that has really helped me to begin to understand is that the 'T' in CPTSD stands for Trauma, the cause of which is OUTSIDE of ourselves.

[Papa Coco]

Jago,

Welcome to the forum.

I like how you isolated the T in Trauma. It's the central word in the term.

So much of the confusion as to why so many of us spent so many years in denial, is from the C part. The complex part.

In the case of a traditional PTSD diagnosis, a person might remember who they were before the car crash or war battle or house fire that traumatized them at a certain point in their past. They know what caused their PTSD, they know why screeching tires or fire alarms trigger them today, and they know how the traumatic incident changed them. Their pains are real, but at least they know why they have them.

For those of us with Complex PTSD, who were raised from birth in unhealthy environments, we don't remember any car accidents that changed us. We don't know who we would have been if trauma hadn't altered our natural wiring. We don't know why certain things trigger us into flashbacks, or what lies behind the curtains of our blackouts and memory losses. The cause of the CPTSD was a complex series events of gaslighting and bad information from our mentors. Our reactions are complex. Our triggers are complex. Our healing is complex. Our understanding of why we have triggers today is murky at best. We spend a while in denial of having CPTSD because we think our life was more normal than it really was, so we must just be broken from birth.

That's the beauty of us joining forums like this one where we can explore with each other the possibilities that we are actually normal people dealing together with abnormal pasts. This forum, plus many years of therapy and a ton of self-help books on trauma, have helped me clear away a lot of the confusion as to why I react to life as I do. With knowledge comes power, and with power comes some rest. I'm not as afraid of my own symptoms as I used to be. I'm learning the difference between who I truly am versus who trauma makes me appear to be.

Trauma has changed our natural wiring. So it's really healthy for us to realize the ways which trauma is affecting us. The more we learn about it, the more control we gain over it.

[Kizzie]

Hey Jago - there is a bit of a movement afoot to have the diagnosis wording changed from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to Complex Relational Trauma Response. 

It takes out the word "post" because for many of us the trauma is ongoing versus in the past and the word "disorder" which is stigmatizing and replaces it with "response" which puts the responsibility outside ourselves where it belongs and normalizes our symptoms as responses or reactions to abuse/neglect rather than us being disordered. The word 'relational' is to indicate that it is specifically interpersonal abuse/neglect rather than any of the other types of complex trauma such as "community" or "group" trauma - racism, religious persecution, war, etc.

It makes a difference in how we think about ourselves and how others think about us. It pinpoints what happened to us and I personally think it takes a lot of the shame out of the diagnosis. I don't want people or professionals in particular to think of me/us as "disordered" when we simply responded or reacted to an abnormal and soul threatening situation. I want to feel dignity about surviving something pretty terrible and yes even feel pride at doing so.   

[Jago]

Thanks everyone, so much good info in this thread! It has really helped me further understand!

Papa Coco

"normal people dealing together with abnormal pasts" really resonated with me

Kizzie

Yes! Complex Relational Trauma Response seems a much better description thanks for that! Language is important!

Another gem I read today was "You couldn't heal because you kept pretending you weren't hurt". I can now acknowledge I was hurt because, for the first time, I understand how it happened.

[Kizzie]

 

[Bermuda]

Hi, sorry I'm a bit late. Welcome to the forum.