Introducing myself

[TranscendingtheBinary]

Hi all,
I signed up for this forum several years ago, but am just now feeling ready to engage with it. I developed complex relational trauma about nine years ago as a result of religious-based trauma and related bi/ transphobia. As I received psychotherapy over the years since, and engaged with Pete Walker's books and articles, I came to realize that the religious-based trauma was secondary to family of origin trauma in the form of emotional abuse and neglect.

Like a lot of kids of my generation, I was hit, but feel that the emotional abuse/ neglect was what impacted me the most. The invisible child in my family, I have gradually been recovering from my fawn and flight responses, learning to set more supportive boundaries, working on the level of responsibility I feel for others' emotions and well-being, prioritizing my own needs, and giving myself permission to discover and embrace who I really am at my own pace. My hope is to engage with other survivors for the purpose of mutual empathy and validation. Thank you for having me. <3

[Not Alone]

Welcome. 

[Armee]

Hi, welcome. Glad to have you here and sorry to hear of your religious and relational traumas.

[woodsgnome]

Hi, Transcendant 

I'm only too familiar with the outline you present of feeling violated and betrayed by both religion and familial abuse. The combination can be deadly, and it's more the wonder that some of us actually survived that sort of a double-whammy.

But survive we did, and here we are. Welcome to this forum and I hope you find its members to be understanding and supportive as you find and transition/transcend to be the whole person you are.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS TranscendingtheBinary    You did have the "double-whammy" as Woodsgnome points and I'm so sorry you went/are going through that.  I hope now that you have decided to post you will find this a welcoming and supportive community you can feel safe to talk about your experiences. 

[Papa Coco]

Hi Transcendingthebinary,

Welcome to the active forum. I was also abused by family and church. Thinking that family and church had the "God-given right" to abuse me, I stayed with them for most of my life. Rather than rebel, I instead learned to adjust myself to their standards, and cope by hiding from their abuse deep within my imagination. I finally left religious abuse at age 40 and walked away from family at age 50. I'm 62 now and spending my days googling and reading books on how to find and become myself. I think of it as something that should be one heck of a lot easier than it's turning out to be.

I like so much of what you said in your introductory post: Things like how you are learning to set more supportive boundaries, working on the level of responsibility you feel for others' emotions and well-being, prioritizing your own needs, and giving yourself permission to discover and embrace who you really are, at your own pace.  I want to embrace those same sorts of things. I've spent most of my life learning how to cope with my issues. I've spent most of my life surviving (as in Walker's book title, from surviving to thriving), I am still trying to find a way to thrive.

So I'm glad you joined and began sharing. I am on a similar journey as you, but I think I'm just having a harder time getting past the past. I'm looking forward to more interactions with you.

I'm glad you joined.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

[Moondance]

  Transcendingthebinary,

Welcome to you!

I support you and stand with you.

[TranscendingtheBinary]

Thank you all for your welcoming and validating responses. I had tears of relief in my eyes reading them this morning, and I already feel more seen and less isolated. Know that it may take me time to respond, as I'm neurodivergent and I have to pace myself in terms of interpersonal interactions, as well as it taking me longer to process what people have said to me and what I'm going to say back. At the same time, I really value the welcome and warmth I've received and what people have reflected back to me about their shared trauma/ recovery experiences.

The idea of a "double-whammy" is so helpful to me in conceptualizing my experience. Papa Coco, what you've said about learning to adjust yourself to their standards also really resonates. Despite the fact that I'm not at all mainstream, I invested so much time and energy trying to be/ do what I thought others expected from me to try to feel safe and accepted. I also really resonate with the long journey of recovery towards thriving- my life is really good/ authentic in lots of ways, but some days it just feels exhausting.

[Papa Coco]

I'm glad you had a warm feeling about the welcomes you received from forum members.

By all means, pace yourself to your own comfortable speed. No one here is expecting anyone to share anything beyond the comfort levels of the sharers. We're just a bunch of survivors who are each glad to have friends to hang out with online. To make this a safe place for yourself, only share when you feel the urge to do so. I would say, don't force it. There's no point in forcing ourselves to feel uncomfortable in a comfortable place.