Am I literally the only one who managed to get dementia at 34

[fruitcake]

Dear CPTSD community, I am glad I finally found a unique sanctuary where I finally feel like I belong. I was lost and alone for so long until I eventually discovered the world of complex trauma and people like yourselves. I must say I am quite emotional just by being here, because in my country there is no mention of these things anywhere, there was nowhere for me to go and find appropriate treatment, or even meet a like minded soul. This unfortunately led me to have a serious cognitive decline because of the chronic never-ending anxiety which I lived with, that eventually degraded my brain neurons. I want to share with this community and the experts if they are here, my secure belief that I am in the process of developing dementia in my 34 years of age. The decline is steadily getting worse each day and may vocabulary is most affected for now. I feel alone and abnormal because nobody has these extreme symptoms as I do. I'm grateful for that but also confused how I managed to destroy myself to this extent. My insights came from the very depths of delusion which I lived and which collapsed the moment I understood what was really happening to me. I wish I had acquired this knowledge sooner, and I feel it is my duty to spread as much awareness about this topic as I can. Please visit my website if you are interested to know more. www.traumamanifest.com. Your opinion and verdict would mean a lot to me because we all suffer from a similar condition here. I know it is a long read but I really did try my best to write it considering the state that I am in. Please share your impressions if my text is more beneficial than harmful, my intent is not to create more suffering and confusion but to try to inform and help people. Thank you for your time and God bless you all.

[Papa Coco]

HI Fruitcake,

Welcome to the forum. I'm very glad that you found it. I live where I do have plenty of support with therapy and such, but I STILL needed a peer group of likeminded people to talk with on a daily basis. This forum is for all of us, whether we have resources in our town or not. The people here are empathetic and compassionate.  It's so nice for me, at 62 years old, to FINALLY find the people I've been wishing existed my whole life. I found them! People who I don't need to explain myself to. People who get me, and I get them. They walk the paths I walk. I used to daydream about being washed up on an uncharted island and finding an entire society of people who were so much like me that they never bullied or judged or coached me on how to be someone other than who I am.

Trauma from a bus crash or a war is easy to explain to friends, But trauma that has been with me my entire life, and I have no bus crash, house fire, war, or any other single event to tie it to, means most people don't understand why I am how I am. Not so here. I can talk about my emotional flashbacks and my chronic anxiety and my physical and emotional armoring issues without having to answer for why I "don't just get over it and move on."

Your comment about dementia struck a chord with me. You will need a medical professional to help you decide if it's really dementia, or some other thing, but I just went through the same concern, and in my particular case I found out I don't have it. For some reason, it seems like most people I know, from every walk of life, with or without trauma issues is expressing concern over their short-term memory losses. It could be the state of the world we're living in now. COVID shook us to our core for more than two years running now. It changed so much of what we thought we knew about life and the world. Also, for me, watching climate change and political upheaval in almost every country has me even more on edge and no longer seeing teh world how I used to see it. Short-term memory seems to be a casualty when that type of fundamental undermining happens to me. About 4 weeks ago I told my therapist that I felt like I was getting dementia and he assured me that a person who is getting dementia is always the last to know. That if we think we might have it, we are almost always wrong. Boy was I glad to hear that. 

I can't speak for others on this forum, but I am a peer, not an expert. So far as I know, nobody I converse with has told me that they're an expert. However, when you have a virtual forum filled with people who struggle with the same afflictions, naturally you'll find people who know bits and pieces of what they've been taught by experts over the years. The emotional support I receive (and offer) here is 90% of what I came for. The good ideas and tips about emerging treatments is the other 10% of what I've been getting. Here is where I learned about IFS therapy, and wow...has that ever been good for me. I started by reading The Self Therapy Workbook by Dr. Jay Earley. Between that book and Complex-PTSD; From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker have been the two best books I've read on the subject so far. I've gotten a lot of benefit from both books.

I hope to hear more from you as you get involved in the forum.

Again: Welcome!

[Armee]

I've worried deeply about my cognitive abilities. It has gotten pretty bad and only hope further healing will help it improve. It's a complex mess in my brain from a combo of the drugs and alcohol and cigarettes my parents used, their mental illnesses, my traumas and dissociation. I know the cognitive issues are worse when I am triggered though and that gives me hope that healing will reunite my brain and reverse some of this cognitive aging. I'm 44. My memory is aaaaaaawwwwwwfffffuuuuuullllllll. I say things when I am trying to say something else. I can't do the simple math my elementary school kid brings home even though I have a bachelor of science and a master of public health. So nope you aren't alone. Trauma wrecks havoc.

[fruitcake]

Thank you for your kind words. I am surprised they didn't ban me like they did on another ptsd forum for ''promoting'' my website. I'm amazed at the shallowness of some people. I am beginning to see on some posts here and other forums that people have verbal memory problems which is exactly what I have. Trouble finding words and talking like I used to, which gives me a glimmer of hope that my conclusion of dementia might not be true. But the thing that worries me the most is the evident worsening and decline that is happening daily regardless of the stress or pretty much any other experience I'm having. Some kind pressure and tightness in the head comes up and after it subsides I am get dumber. And this has been going on for 15 years but i haven't really believed or noticed it until this year when it became apparent. I hope that perhaps when I am dumbed down enough the anxiety will finally stop generating and after that some of my mental capacity could return.

[fruitcake]

Thanks for responding and for your support. I found a case study of a woman that started remembering her trauma and got rapid cognitive decline and a dementia diagnosis that lasted for a year. After therapy and integration her symptoms got better and she regained her mental abilities. I hope something like that happens to me too. I will read some more on dissociation, I'm not familiar with the term. As you have seen I dedicated my time and invested in a whole personal website because of this strange experience. I hope my message will be beneficial to some people.