Papa Coco's Recovery Journal

[Papa Coco]

Journal Entry, Thursday, February 9

I've been offline for a few days. So sorry. As I scan the new updates to everyone's journals, I feel like I've been gone for months. So much activity. I hope to get some time in the next few days to get caught up with everyone. You all are my friends, and I like to keep up with your posts.

Dolly, San, Armee, NotAlone, Hope, Thanks for the well wishes for my wife. She got through the COVID pretty quickly. She's testing negative now and her energy levels are beginning to normalize.  Her symptoms were mostly fatigue and congestion. She has a frail system, so I worry more about her than I do most people. Today she feels just kind of weak and icky, but not as bad as last week. She hopes to go back to work on Saturday.

----

Today's journal entry will expose more of my spiritual beliefs, and how the hypnotherapy is not telling me anything new but is reawakening a deeply spiritual life that I've let fall into disrepair over the past two decades.

My time with Amy Marohn, who is my new hypnotherapist/spiritual teacher/former trauma therapist, is validating for me what I've been suspecting for a while now: that those of us who have found this forum are the "salt of the earth". We suffer because we care. I believe that we suffer because somehow, we know this world doesn't have to be as cruel as it is, and we did not want to be abused as badly as we were, and we somehow know that abuse didn't have to happen because cruelty shouldn't even exist.

I believe we're right about that. How frustrating that this world doesn't have to be cruel, but it is anyway. UGH! I just hate that!

But we are the salt of the earth. We are the good on a struggling planet. Where other abuse victims perpetuate the crimes by becoming bullies themselves (like my middle sister and brother did), we here on this forum chose to not perpetuate the suffering. It's OUR wish that the suffering end. And for most of us, in our families, we are trying very hard to let the family abuse end with us. So I'm proud to be a member of a group of souls like you all.

The compassion and empathy that I read on this forum from all you beautiful souls is my proof that we really are the ones who are on the right path, but we are feeling overwhelmed by the amount of cruelty and suffering that has happened to us and to our friends and to our world.

In other words, I believe we suffer because we can see the truth, and it frustrates us that suffering is allowed to continue when we know it doesn't have to. That's something to be deeply proud of. Seeing the suffering and being unable to just ignore it and move on shows how beautiful our souls really are.

Every truly influential leader of all time, from Budda to Jesus to Mother Teresa to Dr. Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Tutu, to all the local heroes I know in my community, to alcohol rehab counselors to big brothers/big sisters, those of us who become the healers in this world, become healers by first experiencing suffering. People born into charmed lives all too often grow up to be self-entitled bullies. People born into suffering seem to have an easier time growing up to be saviors to others. Some common terms for this phenomenon are around "graduating from the school of hard knocks" or "walking a mile in someone else's shoes".

It's significant for me to see my heroes, like Budda, Jesus, Mother Teresa, MLK, etc, etc, and realize they rose up out of despair and made it their lifes' mission to try and bring positive energy to a negative world.

----I'm coming out of my spiritual closet: I believe that the Healing Energy that originally created us is still very real---

In the mid 1990s, shortly after I had that healing experience with my wife by laying my hand on her stomach and accidentally "curing" her headache and stomachache, I met someone who showed me an even more startling example of how energy is passed around between us humans: 

In the middle 1990s I got the chance to meet Dr. Wayne Dyer. At that time, I did not know who he was. I'd heard he'd written a book called Your Erroneous Zones. I'd never read the book. I think I was still trying to find my spiritual foundations through a Baptist church at that time. This would be just before I finally stopped identifying as a Christian and realized I had access to the divine without a religion telling me to go through them.  As I shook Dr. Dyer's hand, I felt an indescribable sense of absolute peace and joy slowly creep up my arm. It saturated my entire arm as if I was dipping it slowly into a vat of warm, cozy wax. I held his hand tightly for as long as I could get away with. By the time I had to let go, the peaceful sensation had made it past my elbow almost to my shoulder. I felt like if I could have held on longer that peace would have completely engulfed my entire body. Coco and I sat down to get ready for his presentation. I leaned into her and said, "I wonder if he knows how much peace he really gives off." Well. DUH! He did know. In fact, that's what his hour-long presentation was all about. He'd been raised in a loveless orphanage and made it his life's mission to find peace and connection through spiritual means. He taught that the more he focused on Peace and Unconditional Love, the more that peace and Love would reach out and affect others. Exactly as his handshake had spread Peace into my own arm.

What I learned from that unforgettable handshake is what I'm choosing to experience for myself now.

The reason I'm calling us the Salt of the Earth is because just a few granules of salt will change the flavor of an entire stockpot of soup.  If the soup is bland, just throw a pinch of a few hundred granules of salt in, and the entire soup gains flavor. The salt doesn't need to do anything but exist. It doesn't need to feed the poor. It doesn't need to sell its possessions and give the money to the poor. It doesn't need to go to church every Sunday. It doesn't need to teach or become a doctor or cure cancer or take in stray dogs...All it has to do is BE salt. It's mere existence transforms the environment it inhabits.  Dr. Dyer taught me that in 1996, and now Amy Marohn is reminding me by teaching the same thing.  All I have to do is focus on the fact that Unconditional Love is real, and others begin to feel it with me.

Current Example:

On Monday, I drove up to my son's house in the mountains to spend the day with him talking about Hypnotherapy, and offering to pay for it if he wants to participate. My son has been very connected with spirit since he was born, but it has caused him a lot of fear. At nine, he once predicted the death of a family friend. In the back seat of the car he said, Something bad is about to happen to Trevor." Two weeks later, 28-year-old Trevor died in his dad's arms, of a disease nobody knew he had. My son was young and believed he'd caused the death by seeing it before it happened. He has been a mess ever since by trying so hard to ignore his "gift", which keeps pestering him even to this day. But these past few years he's been trying to reconnect. His confusion and not knowing what to do with his "gift" is always bugging him. So, I wanted to have a few hours to really talk it out with him and see if he wanted me to give him a few sessions with Amy also. People and animals have always been inexplicably attracted to my son. He now has a cat that came to him two years ago by sneaking into his house as often as he could get away with it. At the time, the cat belonged to a neighbor. The cat was emaciated, skinny, his hair was falling out. For some reason he loved my son and refused to go home to his "owners." My son bought a litter box and food and just let him stay whenever he came around. The neighbors gave my son a lot of grief at first, accusing him of stealing the cat. But the cat kept coming back and sneaking in. About a year ago, the neighbors gave up. -- The cat is now my son's pet. He's healthy, strong and has a beautiful coat of long, luxurious black hair. He likes being petted for a few seconds and never lets anyone pick him up. Monday, as I was driving to the mountains, I was focused totally on the Unconditional Love that created us all. Kind of like meditating on Unconditional Love while driving. Whenever I meditate like this, I find that strangers respond to me more quickly with smiles and conversation. But on Monday, it was the cat. He walked up to me in my son's driveway and lifted up onto his back legs, reaching up with his front paws for me to pick him up. My son couldn't believe what he was seeing. I picked up the cat and held him for almost 10 minutes as he tried to burrow himself deeper into my arms so I'd keep petting his neck and throat. My son is still absolutely amazed at what he saw that cat do. He says it's the first time he's ever seen the cat not only allow someone to pick him up, but actually reach out and ask me to. I attribute it to the fact that on Monday, I was focused on the creative love of the Universe and the cat sensed it and wanted to be closer to it.

To be clear, I don't believe that I have any powers. I believe that Unconditional Love is the only true energy that exists, but our brains and bodies don't understand that. I believe that by focusing on "God's Love" or The Unconditional Love that created us, that all I'm doing is opening up a window and letting Divine Consciousness shine its own light through me. I don't possess any special powers. I'm just a guy who no longer believes there is any happiness to be found in money, power, looks, health...the world. To me, happiness and joy are found ONLY in knowing that I'm a part of the Unconditional Love that originally created us.

So to finalize today's Hypnotherapy report, I'm discovering that the more I focus on Unconditional Love, the less I feel connected to my past of abuse and Trauma. The more I focus on Unconditional Love, the more I spread that Peace, in any form and to any degree, to others. As of right now, it seems to me that by focusing on Unconditional Love, and not giving my trauma much thought, Trauma is kind of fading out of my conscious awareness of the moment. I'm old enough to know that time will tell whether today's epiphanies will last, so I'm not yet ready to say this is changing me fundamentally, or if this is just a happy, fleeting moment in my life. I suspect I will go forward freer to feel the Unconditional Love that created us, and, hopefully, less apt to fall into those EFs that have plagued me my whole life. I feel sure that, even if the EFs continue to slam me, I'll still have a slightly better ability to rise up and out of them.

This is more than just hypnosis; Amy gives me 3 hours per session so she can use a few minutes of hypnosis in conjunction with hours of spiritual discussion and a deep understanding of human trauma disorders.  In my desire to begin being more connected and charitable, in hopes of losing my need to isolate and hide, I'm now thinking I don't have to join a volunteer organization, or give more money to more charities, or take in stray animals or be at the soup kitchens on Thanksgiving, but by giving myself over to a wider view of our human existence, and by embracing the Unconditional Love that originally created us, that I'll begin to reconnect with a joy I haven't felt in decades.

My fingers are crossed that what I'm feeling now will stay with me for life. Only time will tell.

I hope I'm not sounding crazy or "woo woo". I'm just being open and transparent about my experiences with spirit and meditation and hypnotherapy. I'm still me. I still know C-PTSD is real. It's a gripping disorder that I still have, and that we all need to weave our way through as we seek any help we can find. Like I say: Fingers crossed this direction takes me somewhere better than my traditional feeling of helpless during my EFs.

[natureluvr]

Papa Coco thanks for sharing your new spiritual insights and experiences.

Journal Entry, Thursday, February 9

But we are the salt of the earth. We are the good on a struggling planet. Where other abuse victims perpetuate the crimes by becoming bullies themselves (like my middle sister and brother did), we here on this forum chose to not perpetuate the suffering. It's OUR wish that the suffering end. And for most of us, in our families, we are trying very hard to let the family abuse end with us. So I'm proud to be a member of a group of souls like you all.

I absolutely agree with this.  Thankfully, I had about 6 years of recovery (in 12 step and therapy) before having my first child.  I made a vow that I would NEVER repeat with my children what my mother did to me as a child.  I was certainly not perfect, but when I did get frustrated and yell, I apologized to my children.  I poured love into them from the day they were born.  They have both turned out to be good people.

It's wonderful that you are finding a strong spiritual life. 

[Armee]

Papa Coco. What beautiful stories! The cat! Wow! And I found your story of the man who wrote that book to be really powerful. When you think about it, many of us were not raised in that different of an environment from a loveless orphanage. In fact I absolutely shudder to think of my mom in charge of babies in an orphanage. That feels so wrong. So so wrong. And yet that is what raised me. But to think about how he turned that experience into his life mission. Well like you and Naturlover, I've made it my life's mission at least to break the cycle here. Obviously there are some pieces of the cycle that will pass to my kids, but much less.

I agree with your assessment of people on this forum, Papa Coco, you very much included. I'm so glad your hypnotherapist is helping you reconnect with the most spiritual side of you. It sounds like a gift.

[CrackedIce]

Love your last post Papa Coco, and particularly the salt metaphor.  Definitely going to let that 'season' my thoughts for the next few days

Have a great week!

[Papa Coco]

Thank you, Natureluvr, Armee and CrackedIce.

Spirituality is a tender topic, so I appreciate your support.

I just know that I don't feel drawn to join a monastery in the mountains of Tibet. I still want to continue to own a home and a car and have some income and savings, and I really do want to feel healthy and energetic, but none of that brings me joy. I'm finding that health, wealth, and safety are important to survival, but they don't...bring...joy.

Only feeling connected to any level of unconditional love. That's the ONLY thing that brings me deep joy again. Swimming in Unconditional Love. So, that's where my push to become more connected on a higher sense of reality is coming from. I'm searching for my own ability to feel joy by trying to bring myself back to feeling love for others again.

Today a neighbor contacted me expressing his frustration with those barking dogs that live next door to me. This family not only allows their dogs to bark day and night, they also like to have live bands in their backyard on several occasions every single summer. We have tried SO HARD to ignore the bands and the dogs by either leaving for a long drive, or using sound deadening headphones inside our own home, but now that other neighbors are FINALLY starting to join into the frustration, I'm finally joining their legal battle to get it all to stop. It's got me beside myself. I ALWAYS fear retaliation any time I ask ANYONE to respect me. So I'm assuming, retaliation is next. When/If that happens, I hope Coco finally becomes willing to discuss selling this house and leaving the city altogether.

For now, my prayers are that "god" or "guides" or "spirit" or "the universe"or whatever/whomever it is that talks to me from time to time will teach me HOW to pray to return the peace to my home. Obviously, my current prayers have done nothing to stop the barking. Talking with the neighbor did NOTHING to stop the barking. Repeated attempts to get help from the city have done NOTHING to stop the barking.  So, if I'm going to become more of a spirit-based person, I need spiritual guidance on how to either accept the barking as a happy noise that keeps me up all night, or I need someone on the "other side" to teach me how to pray for this miracle to happen. I don't want bad things to happen, I just want the dogs to STOP barking!  I'm VERY frustrated. My home has been invaded by what sounds like junkyard dogs 24 x 7. I want to move back down to the beach, but my hypnosis still has one more session. THEN I have to start living in the city again for the entire Spring season due to that's when all our family birthdays and anniversaries are, and I want/need to be present for all of them.  Otherwise, I'd be living at the beach right now where peace and quiet are the norm, and noisy dogs are the rare occurrence.

I believe in the power of prayer. It's proven itself many times. So obviously, this barking dog thing is a kind of prayer I still need to learn how to go into. I don't want to be stricken with deafness, but if I'm the one who needs to change, or have some kind of an epiphany that makes me enjoy 24 hour barking from multiple dogs at my bedroom window, then I'm happy to be the one who changes. I just need help figuring out how to become unaffected by abusive noises 24 x 7.

I don't believe I have ADHD, but I DO believe that I am HSP and hypervigilant, which provide the same symptoms/behaviors as ADHD does. Being very easy to distract, the barking keeps me from reading, or enjoying soft music in my own home, or sleeping, or watching TV while, the barking keeps pulling my focus off what I'm tryiing to enjoy doing.

This particular hypnotherapist specializes more in a multipronged approach, which includes some light hypnosis. I really am enjoying her help, but when I'm done with her, if I still can't get past these offensively loud neighbors, I might have to find a more traditional, PUT ME UNDER Hypnosis that can change my brain and make me love the sounds of other people's dogs and live amatuer bands. I may have to set up with a second hypnotherapist--a more aggressive one, as soon as I'm done with this one.

OMG: This chronic abuse by these coldhearted people is driving me insane. On a positive note, I guess they're driving me back into my deep search for unconditional love. Maybe they're the tool "god" is using to bring me back into prayer. Maybe they were sent into my space to teach me how to deal with abuse better than by running away from it.  If so, that's great. But...please help me learn it fast so I can stop this suffering.

[dollyvee]

Hey PC,

I'm sorry you're going through that and I hope you're able to continue to stand up to them and set some boundaries about what is and is not appropriate for neighbour behaviour. Dog barking is a form of psychological torture and prisoners in Abu Ghrahib were threatened with them. I don't think you are out of order for asking for something to be done about it but I know the fear of retaliation very well, and is something I'm working on now. It's like once I set a boundary, there are these forces in motion that try to undo it, and I'm only beginning to understand where they come from. I had a neighbour situation myself recently over storing things in the common area when I needed to use it for a short time to move some things. It's a long story but she called me some names for suggesting that it would have been polite if she offered to move her things so I could get my stuff in and out, which is not even supposed to be stored there. I felt horrible about it, but also that I was justified for doing it. It was just an experience that left a bad taste in my mouth - I hate standing up for myself like that or telling someone that something they're doing is bothering me. Anyways, I got a letter on Friday that someone had contacted building management and they were getting a bailiff to remove the stuff. Someone must have overheard, or got tired of it as well, and I didn't have to call even though I threatened to. I guess it's an affirmation that maybe people are there when we need. I'm hoping that your neighbours come through for you as well. Neighbour stuff is hard.

I think the anger and emotions you're feeling towards the neighbours and the situation is very valid. You have every right to feel those things that are coming up and are not a bad, or less spiritual, person because of it.

I've been thinking about it for a while but I used to be quite jumpy at work with lots of loud noises etc and it's either since I started treating the mycotoxins or microdosing that I'm finding it's going away over time. I started wearing earplugs at work to stop being so reactive and I don't even think about wearing them any more. I don't find that same level of jumpiness is there.

Sending you support and a hug 
dolly

[Papa Coco]

Thank you Dolly,

And thank you for your report that your microdosing is making your hypersensitivity calm down a bit. That's really good news. If I could get past my fear of how to find and properly use Microdosing, I'd still love to try it. I just can't get past my fear of doing something that might get me into trouble. (The paranoid roots of my raising run deep).

Being Hypersensitive is common in people with PTSD, and I certainly do struggle with it.

I have found some interesting music on Apple Music that is helping me a little right now. I put on my heavy-duty over the ear, construction grade headphones, and bluetooth to my Apple Music and listen to 30-60 minutes of Singing Bowls. These are the bowls used in sound therapy, which I know is effective for a lot of people. I feel a lot of physical changes in my body as I listen to the vibrations of the bowls. With headphones on, it feels like the bowls are surrounding me.  I am one of those people who is calmed by these vibrations. What I really like about these recordings I've found, is that the "musicians" who are recording it, are using multiple bowls, and different pressures. They let the vibrations go for a short while and my brain starts to distract onto other thoughts, but then, all of a sudden, they introduce another bowl, and it immediately brings me back to the meditation.

For me to meditate is a tall order. I distract so easily. But because these bowl recordings keep changing the tones, somehow, they keep bringing me back to meditation. I try to meditate on gratitude, love, and health. And, for now, I'm trying to do this for 30 minutes every morning and 30 minutes every night. I'm working to bring myself back to a daily routine of remembering that in this world of bad news and crime and global problems, good still exists, and I still have a lot to be thankful for. What I choose to focus on determines my happiness levels each day. So my meditation time is my chance to think about the love and the good in my world.

Setting a tone of gratitude
I start every meditation with a conscious list of things I'm grateful for. I always include this forum as one of my top 10 gratitudes. Often I even list a bunch of the names on this forum as people I'm particularly grateful to be connected with. You, of course, are one of those people, and so are a good number of other members. Being on this forum has been a good experience for me and has given me a lot of validation and a lot of useful information. I can't let myself minimize that, so I keep it on my gratitude list each and every day. From there, I then focus on my desire that healing happens for everyone on the list, not just myself. We're all connected, so we're all able to share our gratitude and our love and our positive wishes with each other at any time, night or day. On the list, is my T, my wife, kids and grandkids, and the positive aspects of my health and safety. I believe that meditation works best when we are focused on gratitude, love, and honesty.

This is my version of a blanket fort. Inside my 30-minute meditations, immersed in sounds of the bowls, or any music I am drawn to at that moment, the bad world is kept outside of the meditation. I'm in my fort. and for thrity minutes, I'm only focused on the good in my life. It's like a half-hour vacation from the world, and the music I choose helps me stay focused.

Why I'm suddenly trying to hard to use meditation and spiritual connection
I've done 40 years of talk therapy, a long list of medications, another long list of religions, a ton of self-help books, forums, ketamine infusions, hypnotherapy, etc., but I continue to be too connected to my past abuse. So I'm currently diving headlong into spirituality (NON-religious spirituality) to see if I can separate myself from the physical traumas and let them fade.

To me, Spirituality just means "Knowing that we are all connected". (Note my use of the word knowing. Not believing. Not hoping. Not assuming. But knowing. Knowing the earth is round, knowing water is wet. Knowing gravity is real. Knowing we're all connected. Very different from "believing" or philosophizing. Knowing! When someone knows something, it's a conscious and subconscious absolute fact all day and all night).

It's not a religion, or a cult, and I don't follow any leaders. I learn from various practitioners and then move on to my own private practice with what works for me. Some of what people teach works, some doesn't. So I'm customizing my spiritual connections with the tools that are working for me. For now, that's 30 minutes of quiet contemplation each morning and 30 minutes each evening, using these bowls as a way to manage my focus problems. I'm not trying to be a woo-woo, I'm just trying something new after a LONG list of things that only gave temporary relief but didn't really stop the EFs.

[rainydiary]

I enjoyed learning about your experience with the sound bowls.  I just ordered some heavy duty over ear headphones and might try this out.

[Armee]

 

The sound bowl meditation on gratitude sounds lovely.

[Hope67]

Hi Papa Coco,
Those Sound Bowls sound interesting, I am going to check them out as well - hopefully tomorrow.

Hope 

[Papa Coco]

Rainy, Armee, Hope,

I was introduced to crystal singing bowls in the 1990s. Coco and I once experienced a "bowl circle". 7 bowls, 15 people. We did about 3 hours of some home-made ritual where the bowls were in a circle.  Seven people sat at the bowls, seven more sat between those people and one person sat in a chair in the center of the circle. The hosts had the person in the middle say their name out loud. Then the 14 people surrounding them would sort of sing their name while seven of those people rang the bowls. We rotated positions every 5 minutes. It was an amazing experience. Hearing one's name sang to them by 14 people while the vibrations of the bowls filled the room was otherworldly.

Then, for the next three days my body cleansed itself. I was having controllable, comfortable, easy diarrhea and finding myself with a different appetite. I told the store owner of my experience and she just said, "Yeah I hear that all the time after these bowl ceremonies."

Okay, so>>>over the course of the next 20 years, each time I could afford another bowl, I'd buy another one. I now own all 7 bowls, some of which are two feet across and two feet high. We don't use them much, but they are beautiful on the shelves in our living room. I put candles in them sometimes just for the ambiance.  However, that experience that I had with the live bowls in the 1990s was the evidence I needed that the vibrations of the bowls affects my body, mind and spirit.  So, when I got my over-the-ear headphones, I decided to download singing bowl music and give it a try for my meditations. It works fantastically. The first night I did it, I woke up after 4 hours a bit agitated. I'd simply overdone it. The bowls were changing my brain waves too quickly. I now meter myself to an hour or two max. A few hours is good, but I'm finding that the more often I do it the better it works and the longer I can go into sleep with the music still playing.

I feel so connected to "god" now I feel like I can almost see "him" "It" "them"---whatever/whomever God actually is.

For now, after 4 hypnotherapy sessions and my daily bowl meditations, I'm feeling a bit unattached to my trauma-drama. I feel like life in a spiritual environment is lifting me above my life of thick, stuck, slow moving energy and trauma.

I hope this lasts for a lifetime. I am being as open as I can on this forum about my experiences in hopes that if anyone else is contemplating some of the same things I'm doing, that you'll be able to glean from my reports what I felt it did for me. I will continue to move forward being as open as I've been in case what I'm doing backfires on me, or helps me, or is just a temporary relief. Naturally I hope I'm moving permanently forward, but I'll be honest about it if I don't.  For now: So far so good. I'm happy for the first time in a very long time.

[Armee]

 

Thank you so very very much for sharing these experiences. I hope this peace lasts a lifetime for you too Papa C. Even a month of peace is better than  our normal day to day experience.

[rainydiary]

I appreciate your openness and perspective.  The only experience I've had with the sound bowls has left me feeling uncomfortable with the way my brain processes sound.  I am curious to seek out some more experiences to see if I have a different experience.

[dollyvee]

For now: So far so good. I'm happy for the first time in a very long time.

That's great news PC 

I can relate to your sound experiences and think that they're valid. In the Tibetan meditation I have been practicing, chanting (and sound play a part in the meditations along with breathing and vizualization. Sound is one of the ways to activate the "bodies" I believe - physical, emotional and "subtle." (If anyone is interested, it's elements healing. Have a look at Healing with Form, Energy and Light. Ligmincha also does courses in it which I took). I think sound has the ability to "loosen" things that maybe analytical therapy etc might not.

Over the Christmas holiday I found a post I made last year about what happened during and after I listened to some Solfreggio frequencies. I had a lot of body tremors and a very accurate dream of the situation with my m and sf around that time. Maybe it was releasing what happened in the body? I found that it happened when I was relaxed and lying in bed, and not when I would listen to the frequencies in the car. It actually kind of freaked me out and I did a search about them but didn't find anyone with similar experiences. After rereading my account over Christmas, I looked into it more and I did find some studies and this book which looked interesting, but haven't read it yet. I think there's actually some research behind this.

Music Therapy: Understanding the Science of Sound
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01FXDDZL4/?coliid=I1S0CC3H2XN62C&colid=1KU4O7L0QCQKB&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it

From the Amazon blurb: "Current medical and scientific technology show that music and sound may be some of the most effective tools for patient recovery from surgery, trauma, and mental or physical disorders. But you don't have to be ill to benefit from music. Music is helpful for maintaining personal well-being throughout life."

It sounds very relaxing what you have going on right now and I'm glad that you're getting some time and space to enjoy it.

Sending you support,
dolly

[sanmagic7]

this is quite a wonderful spiritual journey you're creating for yourself, PC.  altho i've come about it in a much different way, i also had to write my own spiritual script in order to escape religious teachings that didn't resonate w/ me.  it's worked well for me over the years, too.  who says there only has to be one way to be spiritual?  the turning point for me was at my first 12-step meeting.  altho i'd been extremely active in the church i grew up in, i'd never found a sense of spirituality there as i know it now.  i'm just so glad for you.  love and hugs