Neurological treatments and recovery

[NewSummer3]

I've been in therapy about 6 years. (35 y/W)
I've so much experience about many type of therapy, positive ones for example with emotional processing, more positive self-image, letting out my hidden anger etc... BUT physical symptoms are very hard and sometimes cause suicidal thoughts.

Pills made it worse, and psychiatrists didn't understand.
(After I told I can barely get out of bed, She asked 'Why you have no children yet', and an other doctor, after I spoke about abusive childhood 'But you are adult now.')

So, I'd like to discuss the neurological background and solutions, because as I know being in long-term abusing environment goes hand in hand neurological damage.

Here is my experience:

- NEUROFEEDBACK: helped with being focused and present. I think I am better at work . But didn't really help against nightmares, depression and anxiety.
- PULSED ELECTR-MAGNETIC THERAPY - magnetic bed and head device
(I don't know if branding is allowed.)
After 2 month I think this was more useful than Neurofeedback in depression, brain fog, and dissociation- related dizziness.
Surprisingly positive, but I don't know yet if it's lasting or not.

- EMDR: Now after 1 year weekly sessions I decided to take a break. Helped but very slowly, in very small steps. Hard and need to be brave. Like when a Holocaust survivor goes back to Auschwitz - just in your mind among your memories.
Nightmares are still present. My therapist's clients have been in this for years as she told.
If it is not about 1 or 2 trauma happened in your adulthood, takes  a long time.
I am very sad, becuse thought it was the high chance.

- RTMS: I read about treating depression, but I haven't tried yet.
  I really curious if someone did, and what the result was.

- CRANIAL ELECTROTHERAPY STIMULATION (CES) - for me it was a little help with anxiety, but nothing significant.

- Other stuffs: running, meditating like 'Safe Place', using pillow mist, following 'Nightmare Protocol', Grounding Technics, keeping a pet etc.
These things helped me to deal with anxiety and panic thinking, but I think that these are just extra tools, not the main.

Anyone any experience about sort of these things?
Is there any hope at all?

(Sorry for my English)

[Marko]

Hi NewSummer3,

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much and obviously have been for a long time. Secondly I'd like to say how much I respect you for your determination and resourcefulness. I think somebody with those qualities will eventually find answers and you just have to keep looking and experimenting.

Also sorry to hear about the experiences with the psychiatrists which sound downright cruel and unprofessional. I have also had a lot of negative experiences with psychiatrists, although not all. When you are in so much pain you are very vulnerable and comments and bad attunement like that can cut deep.

I have not had any experience with the neurological treatments you have tried so I can't comment on that, but I just want to speak from my own experiences where I have discovered that my trauma runs incredibly deep. I know for certain that there is pre and perinatal trauma suffered in the womb and possibly during birth, and of course childhood and subsequent adult trauma, but I am also aware of a lot of generational trauma picked up from my family through no fault of their own. I think the more sensitive amongst us are susceptible to these things, and as I'm doing my emotional processing work I am increasingly aware that much of the deep fear and shame that I carry are not really my own and I've inherited or absorbed from my family. We know that there are epigenetic mechanisms at work that transmit trauma through the generations and if unresolved my opinion is that it can actually become magnified in the next generation. I mention this because your post resonates with me as you mention your symptoms are very physical and elusive which I can very much relate to.

Maybe you have already looked at these things so apologies if I am talking about things you have already tried. I am currently working in the Comprehensive Resource Model which is excellent for discovering and processing all types of complex trauma and the pre and perinatal techniques from Integral Somatic Psychology and although my journey is long and arduous everything is steadily moving in the right direction.

Keep hoping and searching and you will get to a better place!

[Kizzie]

First off, let me just say welcome to OOTS, so glad you found your way here!

I've tried both EMDR and neurofeedback and I do feel like they helped to stimulate the parts of my brain that weren't processing my trauma and that is helping me to integrate it. I don't know about the other treatments I'm afraid but maybe others have.   

Our trauma does run deep in mind, body and heart and personally I've come to see that multiple methods may be needed to recover. Treatment of Complex PTSD is a work-in-progress at the moment so evidence based research is a little on the slim side. 

I echo what Marko said, good for you for persevering in finding what works for you. 

[NewSummer3]

Hi Marko,

Thank you for your kindness, you are very nice.
I haven't heard about Comprehensive Resource Model, thank you for advicing. I'll see if it's available in my country - I'm living in Eastern Europe.
I found a short-term birth story processing group therapy, that is not verbal but based on body-work - I haven't tried it yet.
May I ask how long you have been working in the CRM?
I know everyone has a different story, but I am grateful to hear experiences of others. I think it's important to see that we are not alone and there is hope for recovery- at least partly.

Interesting you mentioned generational wounds, because I participated in a Hellinger Constellation Therapy monthly group for a long time - but I finished. It was a very deep procession, helping to get close to my real feelings, clearing of my parents' stories and prejudices about the world. And ultimately came alive scenes from my own childhood during this sessions, I saw my little myself in difficult situations. And I didn't have to do this alone, supporting by my teammates.

But in the end, I have to work with my neurological injuries and my traumatized brain. Because I  suffer from being in alert or freeze in turn which exhausts me, and I am just surviving not living mostly not thriving. I don't know, how it works in general, but in my case I am doing better with emotional process - like seeing my story and family more clearly, letting out pain, feeling suffocated anger, crying my swallowed tears and after that accepting "This whole is my story" these are horribly hard, but went through them was easier than overwrite neurological answers. Especially dissociation is so strong and difficult to break down, because if you had no way out, you escaped to inside you in order to stay alive.

[NewSummer3]

Hi Kizzie,

Thank you for your response and I am grateful you to accepted me into OOTS.
Maybe I should be more patient with EMDR and Neurofeedback.
May I ask, how long after did you feel better? But as I mentioned, I know, that everyone has a different story.

[Marko]

Hey NewSummer3,

It sounds good that you're embarking on some bodywork. I think it could be useful because working with the body inherantly targets the older parts of the brain where the fear and panic are stored. I too have this issue but it sounds like less strongly than you, as well as the more higher level emotional dysregulation which is better addressed via relational work and stories, so I find a mixture of two necessary in getting to all areas of the brain.

CRM is really good for this as it is a very big modality that comes at things from all angles but is structured in such a way that it is not overly complex. My T and I spend most of our time working in it even though she is trained in 4 modalities. We've been working with it for nearly 2 years and although I still have work to do I've come on leaps and bounds during that time. During the worst of the pandemic we worked remotely and it was good, so if you can't find anybody locally that could work. One of the philosophies behind it that I really like is that it emphasises the importance of self relience at every stage so that you don't develop a dependancy on the therapist and have tools to keep yourself ok between sessions which become honed over time. You mention dissociation which is a core aspect of CRM. Due to the utilisation of mulitple layers of resourcing you are able to face your deepest emotions but are able to stay with them until they resolve therefore avoiding retraumatisation. If you feel yourself 'drifting off' during emotional processing you can use, for example, one of your eye positions to bring yourself back to safety. The resources can also be used in your daily life to keep yourself present and aware of your emotional reality.

My friend is just starting working with Family Constellations and it looks really good. I can imagine the group aspect of it could be very powerful!

I'm pleased for you in a way that meds didn't work, because for me they have in some ways helped but they have obscured a lot of things which I think has made everything slower and more complicated, and it's as if the goal posts are constantly moving when withdrawing....but that's another thread!

Keep fighting. You're a warrior 🙂💪

[Kizzie]

Maybe I should be more patient with EMDR and Neurofeedback. May I ask, how long after did you feel better? But as I mentioned, I know, that everyone has a different story.

It was actually pretty immediate NewSummer and has lasted in subtle ways I only see as I look back.  (I should add that the first two times I tried EMDR I had some major EFs afterward which sometime afterward I found out was likely because the T had not done enough work on safety and grounding with me and I was overwhelmed by all that it brought up. The second T was much better and it really helped.) 

[NewSummer3]

Kizzie, Marko,

thank you for informations and kindness, guys.
Good luck you too.

[Kizzie]

  

[NewSummer3]

Hi guys,

Let me tell you one of my new experience.
Accidentally I found a mobile app: 'Strobe Therapy'.
It uses my phone light (after put it on my head between my eyes) blinking while stimulating the brain. As I mentioned, I've tried neurofeedback before - I think it's similar feelings after using.
It has a free part, but I bought the whole (for about 5 USD).
I've been using daily for a month, and it a little bit helps.
If someone inquires, I tell more.