She shouldn'tve had children (TW)

[Sprinkles]

I have 4 sisters, 2 older, 2 younger. The older 2 were given to their fathers family. I'm not sure if it was before or after I was born.

I was told when I was quite young around 1, anti-mom was out begging for money supposedly for food.  She had met a couple in the neighborhood.

When I was 18 months old she dropped me off and I lived with them til I was about 5-6. Based on the ages of my younger sisters. She got rid of me so she could go on to have a new husband and children.

The couple was good to me, but they were alcoholics. After I went to bed at night, they would fight. Sometimes I would get up to see what was going on. One night the man pulled his gun on the woman.

It's a bit foggy if I called the police in reality. I have a memory of dreaming I called the police and hid behind the couch until they got there. It wasn't a human that showed up it was a monster. I don't remember anything after that.

One day the woman was drunk and was going to give anti-mom a piece of her mind for just leaving me there. The woman took me back and I don't know what was said, but I didn't return to the couple's house.

Perhaps anti-mom blamed me for intruding on her life and that's why she would abuse me in multiple ways.

In addition, to abandonment and abuse, she was neglectful in basic needs. She only made food if she was with a man.

She got public assistance because she had children, but she didn't use the money for us.

She would also go to food pantries and made me lug everything home. She would then go through the food and stake claim to everything that was hers.

We got to have some bologna since she didn't want it. She would take us trick or treating and then take the candy for herself.

It was insulting I had to learn to cook for her even though, my sisters and I couldn't have any.

She would drag us to McDonald's and drink coffee and have food and my sisters and I got to watch her eat.

If she happened not to finish her food, she took it home for the dog.

When I became a parent, I always put my children first. I always made sure they were fed before me.

I seriously can't understand the delusion this person thinks they were a good mother. On top of that, has an expectation that despite all she has done that she deserves my love.

[Kizzie]

I see you've left the forum Sprinkles and just wanted to say I hope you feel comfortable enough at some point to come back