Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

Thank you Narc!

More positive here. Got the first payment check today! Not the big back payment yet, but the first monthly payment. I do wish the envelope's window wasn't so big that you could see the "pay to the order of" and know it's a check, but oh well. It's that multicolor paper that us older people remember from getting tax return checks each year. We'll deposit it Weds, and direct deposit next month makes this much easier. Still need the big one, but this is so relieving.

I got us a Costco membership and we went and picked up the cards today and shopped a little. I do love saving money. Planning ahead and buying more in bulk will be better in the long run, since I clearly make too much for food stamps now, sigh. But it's ok, we also got some containers to put more portions in the freezer. I laid down for about 5 hours when we got home, though. I still am really hurting, I just couldn't lay down any longer. Trips with the BFF don't usually do this, I must have been starting a pain flare when we went. Even my elbows are hurting. I want to embroider, but typing this is gonna be my limit for today. May it be better tomorrow.

[CactusFlower]

I saw a talk upcoming sponsored by a local/regional writer's group, and after a moment of thought, it kinda annoyed me. The title was for the "wannabe" writer who wants to be published.

Um... Excuse me?

Even if I'd never had poetry printed in my college newspaper, or self-published a book of poetry and photography, even if I'd never had a story in an award-winning anthology, even if I'd never had my poems read by a major city Women's Chorus at a performance or have a flash fiction story in a nearby city's Literary Review (coming out in August this year) or have a poem in a local/regional poet's society chapbook for the year, even if I still only wrote fanfic for myself, I AM A WRITER. I am not a "wannabe" simply because I'm not traditionally published by a big house.

I AM A WRITER because I write.

If therapy has done anything for this, I have healed enough to realize I am not going to to allow others to define and put boundaries on what and how I create.

[NarcKiddo]

 

Good for you, CactusFlower. You are, indeed, a writer.

Our art teacher is always drumming this into the class, too. We are artists. We may not be professional artists, since we do not sell our work, but we are artists all the same.

[CactusFlower]

Good on that teacher, Narckiddo. Good attitude for them to have.

just chilling here. I haven't made any calls for a new therapist yet, but I at least did get a step done of looking at reviews and such of some of the recommended ones. One has a clinic that notes online sessions are okay, and they are trauma-informed and LGBT friendly, so I might inquire into that one first. I did also give the pharmacy the info about my changed insurance just the other day when we did a grocery run, so at least that's taken care of between refills. I drop off something at the lawyer's later today and that's the end for our interactions. I've given him good reviews on Yelp and things with full honest disclosure. After 3 years, does feel a little odd to archive those emails. (I don't delete that kind of thing)

Creativity continues. Oh, that reminds me, I need to call in a few minutes and see how much the Little House ended up auctioning off for. Honestly, I'll be thrilled if it went at all. If not, oh well, it was in the show and I'm still proud of it.  All of theirs sold last year, though, so I have hope.

We've decided to do the large batch crockpot cooking on occasion to help eat healthier. We even got more glass containers for the freezer. The containers are the perfect size for 1 or 2 people, so it works out very well today.  Chicken tinga will be in there today so we can eat street tacos tonight and freeze the rest. Then, in a day or two, I'll make kahlua pork (it's hawaiian, not the alcohol) and then chicken tetrazzini (minus pasta). That should carry us for a week, week and a half.

[Armee]

What an obnoxious way to advertise for a writing class. Ick.

Thanks for reminding me about chicken tinga! Such a great filling!

[natureluvr]

You are absolutely correct, your are a writer because you write.  Artists are artists because they paint. (I'm an artist, don't sell my work anymore). 

Good luck in finding a therapist that is a good fit for you. I also like to cook healthy stuff, and then freeze portions of it.  It works quite well. 

[CactusFlower]

The chicken tinga was delish. Made street tacos, mainly because the tortillas I got were much smaller than the order pic implied. LOL still, a win, and there's 2 more meals in the freezer.

Dangerously, DMC is running a site-wide %25 off sale because of the US holiday monday, so I picked up a bunch of embroidery floss colors I can't get anywhere else. And they take paypal, so double win there as well. Next project is going to be an Elizabethan pocket. (look it up, super neat and not that difficult)  I just need to cut out and mark the muslin I have. I got a pattern off etsy, but Burnley & Trowbridge have a free pattern on their site, even if the pocket is kinda big.  I ramble, LOL I'm just enjoying the creativity.

I dropped something off at the lawyer's yesterday, so that's totally done. Thanked him, got a tour of his new office (lol). Kinda felt strange after 3 years of working with someone (albeit not often), but I'm still very grateful. I'm happy to recommend him locally.

I also purchased a set of 3 sizes of ice bags, the old-fashioned kind with screw on lids and made of fabric. They're actually helping my knees a little bit. I'm pleased with the purchase. Do note that if anyone is ever interested when I mention something useful that worked for me, I'm happy to private message an amazon link if you want. I love to share info in hopes someone else finds something that works for them.

[sanmagic7]

i've also been a needleworker, CF, so i understand the 'dangerously' designation for a DMC sale!  i loved reading that!

congrats on getting your first check.  dang, you'd think food stamps would be part of the deal - what a bummer! i'm just so glad you finally won your case and it's coming thru to you now.  wonderful!

and, yep, i agree about the 'wannabe' writers thing.  we're writers, authors, artists, singers, dancers - all of the above and more just cuz it's what we do.  we get to define ourselves for ourselves, and that is a freedom i cherish.

love what you're doing w/ the foodstuffs.  it's great.  keep up the good work.  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Hugs, san, thank you.

Still waiting for the backpay, but doing fine so far. I've really been avoiding a lot of the political news, which I know is a privilege. But election years are miserable and I have to protect my ability to stay calm. Can one get fatigue from society in general? or is it just my age?

The cooking in larger batches for the leftovers has worked well so far. I did a double batch of potato soup several days ago and we got dinner, lunch the next day, AND 5 meals worth into the freezer. Future me will appreciate it, and it wasn't too hard given how I make the soup. Certainly filled a lot of freezer space, though.

Emotionally, I have felt... flat? I dunno. Some good moments, like dinner and tv nights with the BFF or a burst of creativity, but I seem to be blah a lot of the time. Not sure why. At least it's not panic, but I despise feeling dulled, if that makes sense. I'm definitely not bored. Eh, I suppose it's better than the extremes.

I want to start my next embroidery project, but I discovered I don't quite have enough muslin left for it. So that'll have to wait a few weeks. Maybe I can find something smaller in the meantime for what I do have. I just know I want to make something at least semi-useful, I don't have room for just decorative frameable stuff to pile up, no matter how much I like it. Hmmm...

[CactusFlower]

Really really down. Realized this month is a year since I said goodbye to my sweet orange tabby boy. I still miss him immensely.

[Blueberry]

   for missing your sweet orange tabby boy!

I've really been avoiding a lot of the political news, which I know is a privilege. But election years are miserable and I have to protect my ability to stay calm. Can one get fatigue from society in general? or is it just my age?

I'm avoiding news too. Different continent from you, but worldwide is pretty depressing these days. Yes, you have to be able to protect your ability to stay calm and do whatever you have to do (or avoid doing) to protect yourself. I'm sure one can get fatigue from society. Maybe some of us with cptsd have learned to pull out of the battle before others do and protect ourselves rather than protesting on the streets or from home with our pens?

I sometimes read your journal, tho I don't often respond, and am glad to see that some things are going right for you. 

[CactusFlower]

Hugs, blue, always good to see you.  yeah, if I was the me of 30+ years ago, I'd be out there marching and such. Now, I have the ability to sign petitions online. I guess at least there are options, right?

On a positive note, I discovered one more thing that makes my life a little easier.  "The Pink Stuff"  Seriously, it's a cleaning product and that's it's name. It is amazing. not even Dawn dish soap cuts through grease like this stuff on my stove. No wonder it has 14k+ great reviews on amazon. Vegan, nontoxic, pet safe, and smells very, very faintly fruity, which is apparently due to rhubarb! I still only have enough energy to clean a little at a time, but 2 burners on my stove took a heck of a lot less scrubbing than usual and are gleaming. Bro picked up the spray at the grocery store, but I'm impressed enough to now buy a tub of the paste off amazon. Wow.  Whatever uses less energy and pain.

[Hope67]

Hi Sage,
It's great that you've found that product called 'The Pink Stuff' - it sounds really good!

I also wanted to send you a hug regarding missing your lovely orange tabby.   

Hope

[NarcKiddo]

I remember when you lost your tabby. Losses hurt all the time but anniversaries are really tough. 

Thanks for mentioning the Pink Stuff. I have seen ads for it. Might give it a go.

[natureluvr]

Really really down. Realized this month is a year since I said goodbye to my sweet orange tabby boy. I still miss him immensely.

I understand.  I've had a similar experience with my cat in 2020.    Our fur babies mean so much to us.