More Concrete Steps, More Therapy Homework

[Blueberry]

Hey Blueberry,
Just wanted to say I understand and it's okay.
(Outside OOTS I might tell someone 'not to worry about it', but I know with us, it's not that simple.)
It's difficult or too difficult to keep up when we're not feeling well.
I hope the zoom group tonight will make you feel better. Or any other way, I hope you feel better soon.
 

Thank you DF! I'm sure I read this response of yours at the time but of course I didn't have the wherewithal to respond.

That was October. I still haven't caught up on my correspondence irl, or on here either probably, but I know that's generally / mostly understood here.

[Blueberry]

I now understand on a much deeper level how all those physical symptoms I get are directly related to trauma and that if I don't keep on top of them, keep using particular exhaling exercises and other exercises my T has taught me over the years, I end up getting sick. All the terrible colds I get, which are almost flu-like in their symptoms and keep me in bed for the best part of 2 weeks? They're due to emotions getting stuck in my throat, which I feel as a huge frog in my throat, rather than being processed outwards. When they get stuck, sooner or later they turn into a cold. As if being stuck in that spot they end up festering and then infecting my throat.

It's really interesting for me to re-read this atm. Partly because of huge-frog-in-throat which I had recently, mentioned on my private thread, and partially because I no longer get flu-like symptoms much, certainly not 4 times a year. I think that stopped when I stopped working freelance or working for pay at all. Altho I'm still having trouble accepting myself as no longer working-for-pay on normal job market, isn't it worth it to not be sick 4 times a year? I feel I "should" be able to respond to myself with "Yes, of course" but interestingly I can't.

I'm wondering what those exhaling exercises were I learned from T? Maybe if I go back far enough in my mind, I will remember. It was probably somatic stuff.

[sanmagic7]

i can respond for you, blueberry, if that's ok.  yes, of course, it's worth it to not be in the 'job market' in order to avoid being sick for so long so many times a year.  My D is going thru something similar which is why she's trying to get disability benefits.  she, too, knows it would benefit her health-wise to not have to worry about timelines, work pressure, appeasing clients all the while she's consistently too tired to function at peak level and feels bad most days.  yes, of course, it's worth it, for you as well as her. 

sending love and a hug filled with 'yes, of course'. maybe, eventually, you'll be able to say it as well.