Does anyone else guess a persons facial expression as to what they are thinking

[brightlight]

I feel constantly hypervigilant and this is more active around groups, open spaces and worse when I feel depressed.

Today at work I was sorting an order for a customer and I said thanks when I handed her the order. She looked at me, this weird look like she thought my facial expression didn't match the circumstances, I felt she was judging me. I feel this a lot of the time.

I feel threatened if someone looks at me for a long time or sometimes I look excessively unhappy or scared as I am very nervous in the environment and I feel others relate to me negatively due to this. I assume I know what others are thinking of me by their facial expression and always think its something negative unless thy smile at me.

I know this stems from trying to figure out how someone was going to behave towards me and I had to gauge the mood through body language and their facial expressions. Does anyone else struggle with this? It makes me want to SCREAM 

[woodsgnome]

Yes, I struggle with this often . Recently, for instance, some long-ago friends found me and while we had terrific visits -- I was careful, wary, and a tad scared (although I'm usually able to 'mask' those feelings fairly well). This wasn't necessary, as they mean me no harm; I'm even surprised at the help they offered me for some things I need help with. I always suspect anyone, though.

I guess the trick is not to let the wariness lapse into self-blame that I react this way. I know the awful background -- the 'why' -- but I also realize this is/was a natural response to early abuse. If I want to blame myself, I can counter that with one thought -- I survived. I suppose I'll still struggle with this -- it's too strong to think I'll totally rid myself of this.

I just hope you can start feeling a way forward towards self-acceptance -- starting with knowing that you, too, are a survivor; doing the best you can. 

[dreamriver]

I have the same issues, brightlight...and they come up while working, too.

Even worse than facial expressions is I'll get emails and messages and pore over what they mean or any possible sign of perceived dislike... Or if something negative happens with work, or im criticized for even reasonable reasons, I launch into self-defense, respond with my own negative faces, or beat myself up terribly about it sometimes...It can send me into a depression. And even though I know this about myself now, it still catches me off guard!

I'm slowly learning to catch myself better and remember that my response (beating myself up) is reenacting past scapegoating and abuse... But I've been so used to reacting and being fearful that way.

I hope it gets better for you. But yes, I struggle with it too, you're not alone. Since my diagnosis and building awareness/therapy, I've had so much improvement, so I guess that's good but hypervigilance is always hanging around...

[brightlight]

dreamriver - I too scan for perceived dislike not just with facial expressions like you do with your emails. I was on zoom yesterday for the first time with a club I'm in (I'm quite new and there are a lot of members) and I instantly felt like the coaches facial expressions was like 'Her' when I popped up. I was smiling not knowing what to do (I didn't know my mike was actually on mute til later) I just think they think I'm weird. Its like I'm trying to read her mind and her face without realising I'm doing it.

Woodsgnome  I hope you managed to enjoy your friends coming round. I am glad you have good people in your life but sorry you can't always enjoy this due to what you have been through. 

My facial expression is usually not how I'm really feeling. I'm usually uncomfortable due to feeling anxious and look very unhappy or bored etc but even when I'm enjoying myself I can look like this if I'm around a lot of people. Its complicated.