Asking questions

[sanmagic7]

i hope so, too, oceanstar.

a thought occurred to me - what if you tell your t that you have questions but are unsure as to how to go about it?  maybe you can mention the nature of the question, and your t can help give you some guidance, reassurance, or boundaries that can all help make you feel more comfortable about it all.  if this isn't helpful, please ignore.  sending love and a hug filled w/ support.

[OceanStar]

Thank you sanmagic, I read your post just before I went for my therapy session.

So, I asked and my T answered. I wasn't able to go any further and explain. Everything shutdown. At least she has an idea that there are things we haven't spoken about that I'd like to somehow find a way into.
My inability to speak makes me feel useless.

I'm exhausted. I've been very on edge and have been startling easily all day. I'd really like to sleep but when I'm at that point of falling asleep I come to in panic.

[sanmagic7]

your courage is commendable, oceanstar - well done!   you took a big first step in getting your concerns out there.  it's a starting point, and i have no doubt that little by little, your t will continue to help you with this.  no biggie that you shut down - you got out exactly what needed to be said.  those cards are now on the table for further discussion, when you are able and ready.

i can't tell you how many times i've shut down after taking a step.  i hope you can give yourself some pos. feedback on what you accomplished.  that's not useless at all.  you did speak, and that's what counts.  the amounts, the words, the thoughts, the feelings behind what you spoke will come in their own time.  i applaud the risk you took - at least now you and your t have a path to look at and follow.  love and hugs

[OceanStar]

Argh

This talking about stuff is so difficult. I asked my questions, T answered openly and honestly.

Now I am terrified of going back to therapy. The thought that she knows something, knows the areas that are important to me. I freeze before we even begin. She hadn't pushed, she's giving me the space  but I'm still terrified.

[Not Alone]

Vulnerability is scary. I'm glad your T is giving you is giving you space.