Past SI maybe showing up again

[PeTe]

I guess I have an EF, because I feel quite a bit like I did half a year ago.

My workplace gave me some new trauma. They never really dealt with it, and I felt so bad my SI seemed to make sense, to be an option, not just troublesome thoughts. I had never thought that way before, so I was desperate. I therefore told my boss about it, and I also wrote it to HR, because I needed them to see the wrong they were doing. HR interpreted it as me trying to emotionally blackmail them, and met me in a negative way. The HR leader set up a meeting with me. Coming late to our appointed meeting, she made a big point about being delayed because some meetings were more important than others. She hinted that I was just being difficult, and just put pressure on me to stop being difficult. Fortunately, it helped me more to say things out loud than her response hurt me.

Now that I'm slipping (temporarily, I hope), I remember what she said and feel the hurt more. When I'm low, it's so much easier to accept other people's disregard for me, and what she conveyed is that my SI was none of their business, and they didn't care. They would not try to help me by meeting me the way I'd told I wanted to be met, and they were quite happy to push me to see what would happen (though I expect they really wanted to see if I would work constructively or quit, and I guess they didn't quite realize the severity of it). It's really a blow to my sense of safety and worth at the workplace, though.

I just hope that I don't start thinking SI makes sense again, but I somehow recognize the way I felt at that time. Now I feel that just writing this makes it better. I feel touched by me showing care for myself by sharing this. At the same time I feel I'm burdening you, and hope I don't write too much. FYI, I will read about EF management, and I will contact someone if I'd need to.

[Blueberry]

Hello Pete,

Just want to let you know that I read. I'm sorry that your place of work reacted so unfeelingly to what you are telling them, and that you are so badly triggered at work.

I'm glad to hear that writing about it helps you. I haven't had any kind of SI for 6-12 months but it used to help me to tell somebody or write it down on here. Just the very act of not keeping it secret helped me to get over it.

If you need to tell someone and can't reach anybody, then do check here http://www.outofthestorm.website/emergency/ for places you can call.

btw you haven't written too much and I don't feel that your post is a burden. If you like here are a few  to try and take some of the pain away.

[PeTe]

That's kind of you! It's really nice to be able to talk and write about it. I tjust feels like such a difficult topic, that it's hard to know what's ok to write.

I felt a lot better after writing about it, and I still feel pretty good.

[Three Roses]

Here's more hugs for you