Hi

[ayang]

Hi,

I've been dealing with an uNS for most of my adult life. Went NC for a few years and my life improved dramatically but due to a death in the family have had to be back in touch. In view of the circumstances, I thought I should stay around as they are the last person alive in my family, to make sure that they were ok (did not know they were NPD at the time). Since then things have been pretty difficult in so many different areas of my life. I've only come across this site recently and it's been a total eye-opener both in terms of realising how much energy and time I've wasted trying to help them whilst not achieving anything, how many other people are dealing with really similar situations and what the actual consequences are in terms of health effects on those dealing with NPD people. I recognise quite a few of the cptsd symptoms and was wondering how people have gone about repairing the damage that has been caused. I'm looking forward to spending some time reading about people's experiences.

Recently, some more distant relatives have decided that NS is a hero and have been trying to make me cosy up to them which is really sickening. I don't know whether to tell them about all the destruction NS caused, or whether that would make the situation worse, since I don't know what lies have been said behind my back - NS did recently accuse me of telling lies to family which is a clear indication that that's what they've been up to. It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster since I found the Out of the fog site, as i can see through other people's experiences what is really going on in my own situation. But it's great to find a place like this and not feel isolated with an impossible situation that you can't tell anyone about as they just think you're crazy or else tell you to stop running away from a problem! Like you would want to stay around someone who kind of wants you dead!

Anyhow, things are getting better as I am putting more distance between us again and now know to make that my priority! I've had to get my life back on track quite a few times as a result of dealing with them and due to deaths in the family, so it's not completely new. At least now I can do it with my eyes more open!!

[Trees]

Welcome, Ayang!  If you get the feeling you belong here, you probably do.  We are all engaged in an effort to "repair the damage," we here are on that journey.  We are seeking healing and peace.  Feel free to join us.

I will let the senior members give you the standard introductory welcome, but meanwhile I just wanted you to feel comfortable here.  All the best to you!   

[ayang]

Thanks Trees!

I've looked at  some of the material on cptsd on the site and its eerie to see how well it fits! I'm thinking of trying homeopathy if I can find a sympathetic homeopath. Will post as to how that goes!

[Kizzie]

Hi Ayang  and welcome to OOTS. 

I could just feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise when you wrote about your NS being the hero and relatives trying to make you cozy up. Ugh!  "Yes please let me stick my fingers in the blender that is my FOO and turn it on."   

My extended family do not see my NM's or NB's behaviour because both are covert and have the whole charm and fawn thing down pat.  And lordy N's do campaign and try and make us the bad guys don't they?  My M and B did that to the point where I just went NC with everyone in that circle and LC with my M. Like you it was what worked best in the end for me. It wasn't worth it to me to try and explain and then end up being triggered when they didn't get it. Like smacking my forehead against a brick wall - no use. Much like you are doing, best to get on with carving out a better life for myself, part of which involves coming here to be heard by a community of people who do get it. 

Glad you found your way here! 

[Rrecovery]

Hi Ayang and Welcome 

A therapist once told me I was the "Marilyn" of the family.  She was referring to a USA TV show called The Munsters.  The family was all monsters (Dracula, Frankenstien, etc)  then there was Marilyn who was a normal person.  The family all saw her as being wrong/weird/troubled, etc. 

Here's to the Marilyn's of the world.  We're the sane ones in a crazy FOO.  We're the sane ones 

[Kizzie]

Marilyn Munster - yes, exactly Rrecovery!!   

[ayang]

Thanks everybody! This is such a great site. I've never really been attracted to therapy as I figured that I'd probably had to deal with more things in my life than the therapist and I find some of the suggestions/advice that a friend (who did a therapy course) makes just make me so ridiculously angry. However, I have spent a fair amount of time looking at myself and assessing what I can change etc. Some successes and many other things I'm still working on! However, coming to this site is amazing - it's only when you hear that other people dealing with similar situations have the same behaviours as you that you realise what the source of the problem is, and that to me gives me tools to work with and things to experiment with.

I don't know if this would be of interest to anybody but there is a free year long 'soul retrieval' course at ligmincha.org. It's a Buddhist website, but you don't need to be a buddhist to participate. This month's session was on the elements, with the idea of spending more time connecting with/being aware of the elements around you, and it's been really calming. Funnily enough, I used to do this naturally as a child, so maybe that's why I like it so much! It doesn't relate to any particular situation in your life but encourages you to explore the unbounded space around you, which in my case has helped me to get away from the enclosed/trapped feeling I had after having to deal with uNPD sibling for a few months straight. It started in January, but I think the previous sessions are available at the website.