Are these symptoms normal, or should I be concerned?

[goblinchild]

Lately I've hit a phase where things in recovery and life are looking up, but it's taking a lot of adjustment to get used to. I'm still dealing with recovery things, it's just...a different level. I've been thinking about it kind of like cleaning a really dirty house. Maybe when you first start on the house, there's so much junk and grime everywhere that you don't even know where to start. But, eventually, you'll have picked up and sorted through all the piles of junk and it'll be time to start wiping down counters and mopping floors.

Maybe it's because the mess I'm cleaning right now, though still grimy, is so much less extreme than the messes I'm used to being overwhelmed by, or maybe it's because right now life seems so much more interesting and ...just has a better outlook to it even if it still seems precarious, but I've been feeling just chock full of energy, to a level where I'm kinda uncomfortable and I can't focus. I'm having ideas about things I want to do, now that I CAN do them, so fast that I can't remember them all. I want to go out and spend all my money on my new life right now! (Don't worry, I've been restraining myself.) I'm finding it difficult to hold myself back from making bad decisions or going and doing things because I'm just so exited. But it's this uncomfortable, extreme excited feeling.

And then, often in the same day, I'll kind of run out of things to do or I'll hit a lull in the day and all of a sudden I'm noticing depressive thoughts. It's like as soon as I feel like I can't act on any of this excitement and the day will pass without accomplishing anything related to whatever 53 ideas I'm having in that moment I feel like there's no point to anything at all and I start getting all existential. It's like I feel like.. "Sure, I can be excited about all these things. But in the end it doesn't really matter. I can go out and do all this fun stuff but nothing matters, at the end of the day. It's just a way to waste away your life, devoid of meaning."

I'm not sure if all of this is just my own way of processing such a stark and sudden life change after a lifetime of suffering? Or maybe it's some kind of emotional fallout or consequence of that change? At this point I can generally work through most problems of this nature on my own, so perhaps this one will work out too, but it reminded me of a description I heard once about being manic and that made me feel like I might be dealing with something which I know nothing about. Does anyone have any experience with this?

[Boy22]

My experience is not quite the same as yours. Mine is about being aware of the limitations in my energy. So while I might have a task list longer than my arm I am only picking the tasks I can achieve in a short time frame that will leave me with a sense of accomplishment rather than a sense of failure.

[Kizzie]

it reminded me of a description I heard once about being manic and that made me feel like I might be dealing with something which I know nothing about.

I don't have experience with this kind of up and down swing Goblinchild, but if you're concerned I would encourage you to check in with your physician and/or therapist if you have one. It's something new , a noticeable change in how things were so best to talk to a professional to find out what's going on 

[goblinchild]

Boy22- I see what you're saying. I used to be the same way. (And sometimes still am.) I think that might be playing into the trouble I'm having, because I'm not used to being able to do all these things? I don't know, I'm not sure if I'm making sense? Maybe I'm going from the extreme of feeling like I can't accomplish much at all to the extreme of feeling like I want to accomplish everything and I should try to use your advice to find a middle ground?

Kizzie- Sound advice, good idea.

[Boy22]

Yep goblin, the middle ground. Please do let me know when you've found it as my shrink would be most impressed if I could. I too am trapped in a cycle of overdoing it, sufferring, retreating, creeping back out, thinking I'm superman .... sheesh. 50yrs old and still .... (insert beating myself up remark here)

[Kizzie]

So one thing I thought of (besides seeing a professional  is maybe when you're feeling a surge of energy make a list of what you want to accomplish and then cut it in half? It might help you to be mindful that you need to manage your energy due to having CPTSD.

[Rainagain]

I'd say the sudden increase in energy might be a normal response.

I get the occasional euphoria feeling if something good happens, its like a pressure release valve opens and I feel really excited and positive.

It only lasts a few hours but is fun at the time, I think if one thing has gone well maybe other things will do likewise, maybe only good stuff is coming my way from now on.

It feels like the opposite of catastrophising, its an unwarranted optimism.


It seems to me like when barn housed stock get turned out onto grass in spring.

They go wild for a bit, jumping about and literally kicking up their heels.

Then they calm down and enjoy the grass.

Maybe if your life has improved you will calm down and just enjoy it, but the feeling if being elated seems natural enough.

[LilyITV]

Very timely bump!!  Seriously I feel like responding to just about every post on this forum with "Me too..." 

There has been some really great advice given.   I really look forward to a time where I am on an even keel and not at one extreme or the other.