How do I say this??

[Elphanigh]

Three roses, just wanted to pass on hugs  and let you know I am sitting with you, sadly I don't have the right words today. Am always here for you though 

[SharpAndBlunt]

ThreeRoses just want to give you my best wishes and support. I think you are doing great.

[Deep Blue]

Three Roses,
That grooming and learned helplessness is all too familiar.  I know it's not logical to feel responsible for the reactions or feelings of others... and yet I did, I still do.

It becomes engrained in us to take responsibility for things we didn't do. We take responsibility for things that simply are not our fault.  It leads to a very confusing way to grow up indeed.

Hopefully we can sort through it together sweetie  if it feels ok

[Three Roses]

Dear Elph, SharpAndBlunt, Deep Blue, thanks for your words, they help.

[Hope67]

Hi Three Roses,
Just adding some more supportive words - standing with you - 
Hope 

[sanmagic7]

sweetie, that lack of accountability by others for their actions really grinds my gears.  blaming a child for what they did is so wrong on so many levels.  i extrapolated that to making excuses for others for their bad behaviors, even when it had nothing to do with me.  it's taken me years to work thru that 'look what you made me do' scenario.  and even more to stop giving people excuses for acting like jerks.

yeah, yeah, yeah, we've all had problems from childhood, but it's what we choose to do in spite of those problems that shows our character.  those adults who accused you of influencing their choices were just plain wrong.  how long has it taken me to know that i absolutely can't do that, yet fall into that pit of 'maybe if i would've said or done this or that . . .'

agonizing over what i've written or said, not wanting to be anything but perfect - dang, it's wearing.  i'm getting a bit better at letting that guilt/shame/blame go, but it's still there more often than i want to admit.  just want you to know you're not alone in this struggle.  fight it together, indeed, deep blue.  sounds like a plan to me.   love and hugs always, 3r.

[Three Roses]

Thanks, Hope and San. 

[Three Roses]

I've taken a nose dive again. I'm really depressed and I feel tired all the time. Come January we'll have a bit more money so then I'll find a therapist again.

Everything feels bleak and pointless.

[Hope67]

Hi Three Roses, to you, if that's ok.  Good to hear you'll be finding at therapist for the new year - but in the meantime, I hope you'll have an ok day today and that you'll have some moments that feel less bleak and pointless.
Whatever you do today - I hope you are ok.
Hope 

[Deep Blue]

Three Roses,
I'm so sorry you are struggling.  My mental health always seems up and down.  Take good care while you are down and reach out if you need us 

[sanmagic7]

sending hugs and love to you, honey.  these days suck, i know.  i'm with you, we're all here for you.   

[woodsgnome]

        

It's always tough, charting this unexplored territory.

Take it slow, be easy on yourself, and know that we always support you. Nothing lofty or bold, just human. And caring.

[Three Roses]

Oh, you guys. You beautiful, wonderful, understanding beings! Thank you for the support. I know you're each dealing with your own pain and so it's doubly precious to me that you've reached out to support me. "Thanks" doesn't cover it.

[milk]

  for you — know that you are cared for; may the bleakness pass soon. Enjoy your search for a stellar therapist! You deserve nothing less.

[Three Roses]

Today I feel like all the progress I've made has been erased. I want a divorce, I'm convinced my kids hate me, I feel on the verge of a gigantic blow up. I'm so so triggered. I spent my whole adult life (or so it seems today) denying my own feelings in order to help others deal with their own. I want to hide, I want to get in a car and drive far far away from everyone and disappear.