Therapist doesn’t like these sites.

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, as most of you know I've been in therapy a few years now through the nhs in the uk. I'm currently seeing a Cbt lady who is full of positive ideas etc. She asked me how much time I spend on the internet which is quite a lot then asked me what I went on. I told her about this site and a few other similar ones I belong to.
She said I shouldn't go on these sites as they are more damaging then helpful, she said I'll get caught up in other people's dramas she called it and there is nothing positive except people discussing what's wrong with them and I'll end up more depressed if I continue.
I've thought about this a lot, and I must admit because I'm highly sensitive I do take on what other people are saying and I do think about it and sometimes worry about it. On this site I feel like I know some of you really well and can so relate to what people are saying.
I've also found it incredibly validating on here due to the wonderful help I've received from so many of you.
I'm just wondering tho, does anyone else on here get totally absorbed and drawn in to other people's problems?
Could it in some way be more damaging to ourselves?
I'm in no way criticising theses sites because without them I personally feel I'd be nowhere and have loved the support and really enjoy offering help and advice to other people.
Now my Cbt has said this to me I'm thinking maybe I do spend too much time on here and similar sites, maybe I should just stay away for a while and see if I do feel better in myself?
Has anyone else thought about this as well? Was just interested in other people's thoughts about it.

[radical]

I can spend way more time on the net than is healthy for me.  Screen time can be addictive for me.  I'm not talking about this site, just being absorbed by the screen.

I love OOTS,  find it safe, supportive and really well moderated.  But being a part any support community has risks for people with CPTSD.

I find I need to be self aware about how I feel and not feel responsible for other people.  I know how I feel when I get drawn-in in an unhealthy way, or triggered.  I moderate how much I'm invoved so it works for me.  I dont even try to read everything.


One thing that s good about OOTS is that nether co-dependent nor 'holding court' behaviour is encouraged.  And most regulars understand how much we all need to look after ourselves.

edited to fix errors - very tired

[Eyessoblue]

Hi radical thank you for your reply, yes this is where I'm going wrong I'm too involved and I can't switch off, if I've been on here in the morning I'll be thinking about something I've read for the rest of the day and analyse it think about it non stop etc. I need to learn to protect myself not just here but in general. Something I need to work out on how to do it, not really sure where to start with it. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

[woodsgnome]

So much of the internet seems designed to inflame emotional overkill, as it were. Partly that's probably due to the anonymity factor.

But I don't find much of that in play on OOTS. Perhaps that's because the participants on here have been through some very tough spots in their lives, but somehow still truly care for their fellow travelers and want to know how others have survived this far. They do so reluctantly due to triggers/efs, but in order to make one's own progress it helps to know how others have fared.

That there will be raw spots is almost inevitable; but if one is aware of that, on the whole there's a unique form of help here that isn't available at places not oriented to allowing the victims to share their experiences (in itself potentially therapeutic).

It's characteristic that one's empathy due to our common plight can affect us. But I think on the whole I'd rather be aware than not of how endemic this state of being is. And to share in the successes as well. The real drawback is feeling my own inadequacy at being able to help sometimes, and this bothers, based as it is on my low sense of self-worth.

Still, I think on the whole OOTS is a positive place for those of us still trying to reach some level of comfort, if not understanding, of this rocky road we travel.

[Sceal]

Hi,
I haven't read the others reply ( I will, but my head is aching abit atm.).
There is something to what your therapists say. Sometimes, without the intent of it, we drag each other down (by we, I mean people of the world, not this site spesifically).
I am highly sensitive, and the posts here affect me - and I do take breaks. Sometimes for a few days, and sometimes for longer. I think breaks and boundaries are important for yourself.  If you're having a day where you're feeling very vulnerable, perhaps avoid reading around. Just post what you came online to post and then move on to more positive enforcments like watching puppies or listening to happy music or something.  And then come back again later.

Right now my head is a little muddled, so I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. 

[Rainagain]

I have found this forum a help, knowing others are going through the same problems generalises my situation in some way.

I think that has been the main benefit for me, I'm not the only one struggling, others have had it worse. I feel very alone sometimes, knowing this place exists and identifying with others here helps me to keep a perspective on things.

Others here are good people, makes me want to try to overcome my issues, inspiring I guess is the word.

I read recently that PTSD (and therefore cptsd) are the only disorders that are caused by external events rather than arising in the mind itself.

Maybe that makes it more important to talk with other sufferers to understand what has happened.

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you all for your input, I definitely want to make it clear that I am in no way saying these sites aren't helpful and this one here has been my life saver on many occasions, I really couldn't have got through sometimes without the support I've received here.
It was just my therapists perspective on it that made me think about it and I do agree that I can see sometimes it wouldn't be helpful in certain times of distress etc.
My problem is self protection where I've realised how much I take on other people's 'stuff' and don't deal with it very well. All part of feeling like 'i' Need to save and heal the world, apparently this is quite a common issue with people with cptsd, almost helping others help you escape your own problems.
I need to work on that, also with friends I've found I'm such a good friend to everyone but when it comes to 'me' I literally see them turn their backs and not want to know, again tho this is good for me to know and be able to start to put my healthy boundaries in place. All part of feeling a little isolated in my cptsd world.

[radical]

Hi Ah,
My understanding of boundaries is that they don't mean we help or empathise only when there is something in it for us.

In the same vein,  my understanding of co-dependence, especially from my own problems with it, is being aware of trying to care for myself through caring for others.  When I was growing up, being relatively uncared for and at the mercy of abusive caregivers meant that caring for them, being hypervigilant about their needs and feelings was the only way I could care for myself.  When I grew up I repeated that pattern and it is very appealing to those who are less able care about others' needs and feelings.  It is also quite unappealing to people who prefer to relate in more healthy, balanced ways.

One of the things I've come to understand for myself, is that as much as it is obvious that people who are excessively narcissistic are unable to participate in healthy reciprocal relationships, what may be less obvious is that codependent repsonses to abusive upbringings render codependent people equally unable to participate in equal reciprocal relationships.  It isn't about giving and caring being a transaction in which we give and care for what we can get out of doing so, it is about feeling and knowing that we matter and we need to receive caring, so if the pattern of our relationships is either giving or receiving with little reciprocation there is something wrong.  Relationships in the long term are healthiest and most fulfilling  for both parties when they are mutually beneficial overall, with caring, giving and receiving going freely in both directions.

[jamesG.1]

2 things

1. establishing that many of the symptoms are universal and typical is a big first step in recovery.

2. What you learn you pass on. Many of us have struggled alone and still do. The insights are vital and personally, I could not merely take, I had to give to the best of my abilities.

as with all things, it's all about moderation

[Rainagain]

I've not been online for a while but have been thinking about this thread.

This site has really helped me, I was in a very bad place when I found this site, totally traumatised and very confused by my various symptoms.

The site helped me get a handle on what was going on, that was valuable.

Perhaps it can be unhelpful as eyessoblue's T says if it takes up too much of our head space? We can be upset by hearing about other peoples trauma quite easily, I was told recently that I was a vulnerable person due to some drastic life events, even before cptsd developed.

Not sure, maybe caution is needed.