Am I overreacting?

[Caita]

I think my dad is emotionally abusive, but I'm not sure. I've been going back and forth on it for years, but I still feel like I'm faking and I don't know what to do. Why am I like this? Please help me, I need an answer so my brain will stop oppessing over this.

This is stupid. I'm stupid. I'm sorry

[Caita]

Okay, let me explain better. I'm not always good at wording things because I'm autistic, let me know if anything doesn't make sense and I'll clarify.

I've been diagnosed since the third grade, but my dad still didn't believe I was autistic until earlier this year. He used to scream that I want autistic to my face before yelling at me for stimming or other things I did because I was autistic.

He yelled at me a lot. He knew I was sensitive to loud noises (another autistic trait) but he did it anyway. Then he would yell at me for crying, which made me cry harder.

I love my dad, but that's not acceptable behavior. It's also not acceptable for him to say he never did that when I call him out on it.

I don't know anymore.

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum Caita 

You're right that's not acceptable behaviour.

[Kizzie]

Hi and welcome to OOTS Caita. 

It sounds to me like you do know your F's behaviour is not acceptable so I would encourage you to trust your instincts and reactions.   

[Erebor]

He yelled at me a lot. He knew I was sensitive to loud noises (another autistic trait) but he did it anyway. Then he would yell at me for crying, which made me cry harder.

I love my dad, but that's not acceptable behavior. It's also not acceptable for him to say he never did that when I call him out on it.

Hello and welcome, Caita.   

I agree with what Blueberry and Kizzie have already said, it's definitely not acceptable behavior - it's abuse. It wouldn't be acceptable to do that to an adult, and it's even less acceptable to do that to a child.  I'm sorry you had to grow up with such explosively frightening and aggressive behavior.  Being scared and attacked by an adult as a kid is such a painful thing to go through.

I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship with your F, but denying that it ever happened once he's called out on it was something my abusive NPD father would do, so that rings an alarm bell for me.

This isn't stupid at all, and neither are you. You are expressing perfectly valid, healthy concerns that relate to harm that you should never have had to suffer. You're trying to look after yourself and understand your life and what sounds like an important relationship that means a lot to you but also involves abuse.  I lived in great pain, confusion, doubt and denial (he was my hero once) for many years about my NPD-F , and making sense of my relationship with him made sense of my life for the first time - it freed me from the confusion, and the trap of an utterly toxic person who never regretted anything they did.  Your F may not have a PD, but what he's done has hurt you. Trying to take care of yourself is noble - never stupid.


I wish you all the best in this.

[Rainydaze]

Hi Caita

I relate to what you're saying and I'm so sorry your dad showed no sensitivity about your autism. I'm not officially diagnosed with autism but I relate to some of the symptoms, the sensitivity to loud noises and bright lights being one of them. My dad would also shout constantly when I lived with him and shame me if I ever cried as a child, so I know how stressful this all is and how it builds. I agree that it's not acceptable behaviour; your dad is showing you no love or support and should be there for you rather than actively making you upset.

He might never acknowledge that the way he treats/treated you is wrong and that's entirely on him. Some people just lack the ability to reflect on their actions and see how detrimental their behaviour has been. My own dad believes that he is never wrong and denies that he ever upsets people, even though he leaves a trail of broken relationships and mental problems in his wake. You're not stupid, Caita. Far from it!