My wake up call

[Eyessoblue]

Yesterday I had a really frightening experience which has totally given me the wake up call I need.
Lately my flashbacks have been really bad and yesterday was particularly bad, I ended up starting to drink quite early on and by ten pm I had drunk 4 bottles of wine, I went outside because I was feeling hot and the next thing I knew I've got a group of people around me trying to lift me up, they said I totally passed out, on my way down I hit my head on a wall, I've also sprained my wrist and ankle and am covered from head to toe in bruises, I spent the rest of the night being severely sick. It suddenly hit me what I'm doing to myself and what a dangerous place I've put myself in. I have no interest now in having anymore alcohol now, just the word makes me feel ill. Sometimes I think it takes a bad experience to make you see the light, but it was definitely the wake up call I've needed.

[LearnToLoveTheRide]

Good evening.

Bad news: falling down and hitting your head!
Good news: wake up call.

It's not going to be easy. I had a very violent suicide attempt at 18. I survived but I self medicated with alcohol and acid for four years afterwards. I was insane; flying manic for days. I had a great career in a Metal band.

One day I woke up in Miami sick as a dog from alcohol poisoning. I couldn't go out and enjoy the famed South Beach and I certainly couldn't face another drink.

I stopped that day. Been sober and clean for 44 years. I had to stop going to bars and clubs; close drinking buddies drifted away and the music was good still but not transcendental anymore.

I focused my time and energy on something far more constructive; spending hours practicing and teaching Kung Fu.

6 months; I still thought about bars, girls, bands and alcohol.
4 years; pretty much never thought about it.

I decided that I wanted to experience life clearly. The alcohol took that away from me, put me in an emotional limbo. When the alcohol (or any drug) no longer serves it's purpose, when it's no longer your helping hand, then cleaning up and getting sober is simply your new path; to a happier, healthier you.

I believe that you deserve that health. Now believe with me.

LTLTR

[Hope66]

Hi Eyessoblue,
I'm glad you're ok, and safe, after having that experience last night.  I think that LearnToLoveTheRide's reply is amazing, and well said.
I hope you recover soon from your bruises and that you feel better really soon.
Hope 

[Eyessoblue]

Hi both of you thank you, learn to love thank you that is very inspiring to hear and I'm so pleased you've had such a positive experience, I was using alcohol to try and escape how I was feeling but have realised it's only made it so much worse, I've learnt a lot from my incident yesterday, it's ok to say you can't cope, it's ok to have a complete breakdown if that's what your body is saying it wants, and drinking it away won't achieve anything as it's always back the next day. I feel like I can move on now without it, I haven't smoked today either and have no desire to do so. My counselling restarts in the middle of January and I'm looking forward to getting on with that and hopefully making a fresh new start for myself.  All the best to you.

[Three Roses]

Eyessoblue, I'm glad you've made it through and are on the upswing! Hang in there - we're here for you.   

[ah]

Eyessoblue, I'm glad you've made it through and are on the upswing! Hang in there - we're here for you.   

Exactly. 

I had a similar wake up call many years ago. Stumbled all alone through a dark deserted park at night, woke up the next morning realizing the danger I put myself in and woke up. It was a process, learning new ways to take care of myself before I deeply let go of the old ones... but it was worth every second.
You're not alone.

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you, yes sounds similar to how I felt, no drink for 2 days now and not even slightly missing it.

[ah]

 

How are you today?

In my limited experience, it goes up and down... in spirals... and the challenge is to keep steady. To let your pain come and go but to stick to what you know is the right thing to do. Some days you'll feel it very strongly deep inside, other days you may be more numb and just remember having decided it was the path you'll be walking on from now on and keep going because you're stubborn 

I'm thinking of you.

[Eyessoblue]

Ah, thank you so much for thinking of me, I'm actually really good, still no alcohol although yesterday I did get the cravings for some but I went and made a coffee and stuck with that! Christmas is going to be hard, when I've had a drink I am the party animal and almost feel like I have my reputation to live up to, but I'm not going to let it, my flashbacks have stopped at the moment too which is so good as that's when I hit the bottle, I'm still quite bruised and a bit shaky but that's my reminder of where I went wrong. Hope all is ok with you and thank you for your words.x