New but not new

[Traveller 1]

I could see it coming but couldn't control it.
The hypersensitivity became intense today, so much so, panic almost set in.
Never had this feeling before, only started counselling last week, many new emotions and feelings that are so alien.
During counselling I felt as if I was in a ball, with no sense of gravity just floating pointlessly and numb so very numb.
The flashbacks can be quite intense. Trying to make sense or order is impossible. I have acknowledged to myself there is a problem. Why do I need to have permission to feel this way? The insecurities that are a huge part of my life have denied me this for so long as they have any sense of justice.
I sometimes think it was all nothing, but it was something, something bad, that happened to me. Why am I making such a fuss over this, is what I keep telling myself.
But it happened and I can no longer do this on my own. The coping strategies are failing, barriers coming down. These new sensations are terrifying.
I will not let the past defeat me, self confidence is replaced by belligerence . I will get through this, my family and friends do not deserve this. If this is just the start of a long road so be it. But I now know I'm not alone.
Thanks for listening.

[Three Roses]

Welcome, rodders! You are most definitely not alone here.

I sometimes think it was all nothing, but it was something, something bad, that happened to me. Why am I making such a fuss over this, is what I keep telling myself.

This is so common among us, but statistics show that we are more likely to minimize the damage than to emphasize it or make it up.

Thanks for joining! 

[ah]

Hi Traveller 1, welcome

I'm new to learning about c-ptsd and it's been an overwhelming ride in the past month or two. I've been so used to emotional numbness, and now memories come back and I feel more than I've allowed myself to feel for decades. It's not easy, but it's so much better than being locked in an endless loop of helpless flashbacks. I say, bring it on!

I guess numbing never really protects us from pain, because it fails when the pain gets too overwhelming. So I hope to slowly learn to feel, like you, without needing permission. Sounds like you're on a very good road.