Therapists and the road to healing, and being traumatized by them!

[Badmemories]

 

I have started the book By Pete Walker. Complex PTSD; .....

in the very first pages he says on Pg 3.

I must emphasize however that some survivors of cPTSD engendering families were so thoroughly betrayed by their Parents that it may be a long time, if ever before they can trust another human being enough to engage in relational healing work. When this is the case, pets, books, and online therapeutic Websites can provide significant relational healing. 

I do not feel that I have been traumatized so much by people, as I have been traumatized by therapists.

I wrote about My experiences with therapists here:
http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=543.msg4433#msg4433

I think at last the LAST therapist did traumatize me. I wrote...I got very bad advice from a counselor AT THE LOCAL SHELTER...I'd probably be very physically hurt IF I would have just done what she said. If you have read My posts on uNPDH you'd realize how abusive He is emotionally and was physically.  She just told Me to slap the divorce papers on the table.... what was the problem I was having?

I was expecting lists of things I needed to do like information in the toolbox on OOTF. I was expecting some T on the entanglement that I was feeling and could Not get away! I did not get any of that... in fact I felt dismissed and put down because I was expecting more. I questioned her at great length and she just repeated the same thing!! 

I went into the appointment thinking I was finally making a BIG step and I was proud of MYself for making the decision to go ahead and work toward getting a divorce. I was actually afraid to even be seen in the parking lot for fear that uNPDH would see MY car in the parking lot! I guess that was pretty far fetched thinking. I was pretty dissociated when I left her office, so she triggered me somehow.  Of course NOW when I think about it then I am demand resistant.. is that the right word?

I think somehow this experience WAS abusive! I mean I should have got healing and help... I felt shot down like MY feelings were wrong! All of this abusive behavior! 

I am not thinking about going to a T right now... Walker also calls a group like this a reparenting by committee group!

I am so thankful for the people who are here to help all of US! By ourselves we have all these doubts, self blame, self hate, etc, So we are the parenting by committee group! I like that!

to all of US!

                                                               



                     

[alovelycreature]

I'm sorry you had that experience! I have had some terrible therapists myself, some that were instantaneously bad and some that I learned were bad! Sometimes you have to "interview" them till you find the right one! There are good and bad therapists. They all have good intentions, but sometimes they're just not the best person to help you. If you got a bad vibe, then maybe they're not the right person for you.

Parenting by committee for me has helped me learn much more, more quickly than therapy ever did. However, I don't know where I'd be without therapy because that's how I got my diagnosis!

I have the first edition of this workbook, but this is pretty much what the outline for trauma treatment is. http://www.amazon.com/PTSD-Workbook-Effective-Techniques-Overcoming/dp/1608827038/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418776128&sr=1-1&keywords=the+ptsd+workbook

[schrödinger's cat]

That therapist dismissed our worries out of hand, it looks like. WOW. What a sh*tty, sh*tty thing to do. No wonder you felt traumatized.

Parenting by committee for me has helped me learn much more, more quickly than therapy ever did. However, I don't know where I'd be without therapy because that's how I got my diagnosis!

Same here. I lost trust in the entire profession. It's not like I'd meet a therapist and instantly whip out the garlic and holy water: I know they do in fact have shadows, and I'm aware that they don't actually disintegrate in direct sunlight. The point is, to actually GET therapy, I'd need to be able to trust people. I'd need to be able to let my guard down, and to be okay with a very distanced and cool person just sitting there and looking politely interested as I bare my innermost soul. How am I supposed to just do that?    I'd need therapy before I'm well enough to actually get therapy. When I'm feeling very low, even just disagreeing with a therapist is this immensely difficult thing to do, so "just simply telling them" that I didn't like their approach or that I'd want to try something else... it's also something I'd need therapy for before I actually know how to do that. No. I'd rather talk to someone who knows CPTSD, or I'll read books. Maybe I'll be able to work my way up to more. For now, this is the best thing to do.

Sorry, still a very sore point. BUT! Two therapists independently diagnosed me with PTSD. It was such a huge relief - to have it be "official". I'll always have that.

[alovelycreature]

Cat, I totally understand what you're saying about disagreeing with your therapist! That's why I left two different therapists. There just became a point in my therapy where I felt that I wasn't in control and working on what I wanted to work on, and also the therapist's suggestion of what to work on was not helpful for me. One therapist wanted me to take Xanax 4+ times a day. I couldn't function, but he was convinced it would get rid of night terrors. I asked him how he thought that would work and he said, "Just do what I say and stop questioning it if you want to get better." Just imagine colorful things coming out of my mouth after that...

The other therapist was the one who diagnosed me. Same situation, minus the drugs. She wanted me to leave my partner because she thought, "I could do better." I was there to work on my symptoms, not dump my partner. I told her that I wasn't interested in talking about that and had another agenda, we got in a fight. I left. She then phone and emailed stalked me for a few weeks. It was actually kind of scary. I only sent her one email back saying, "I do not wish to do therapy at this time, if I decide to return I will let you know."

Therapists may be trained in PTSD, but CPTSD is completely different. Some of the symptoms may be the same, but the treatment is totally different. Most therapists are trained in those 12-step therapies because that's all most insurances will cover. So, makes sense they don't learn more about illnesses or treatments that take longer--it's still a business.  Thankfully there are places like this where we can grow and move forward at our own pace with the assistance of those who have the same or similar first hand experience. 

[marycontrary]

I have had many nightmare therapists. Like SC said, I lost faith in the entire mental health field. I do have a good one now, but it costs $80 an hour.

[C.]

Hello Bad Memories,

I am so sorry that you had someone who truly should have helped you hurt you instead.  I work in the "helping" profession more as an advocate/family suppport/case manager.  I learned a long time ago that telling people what to do never, never "helps."  She used her power in an inappropriate way. 

I too had a therapist who re-tramautized me...i would leave trembling and feeling more anxious than when I arrived.  Fortunately i found a new therapist who was able to identify how i'd been re-traumitized and helped me heal from that experience before going on to the end of the 20 yr marriage and now to working on FOO topics...

I was also married to a "therapist" who was abusive...ugh!...I finally recoginized it and told him to stop using his professional to harm me - he would use psychologically to purposefully hurt, manipulate people's emotions, and insult by calling me "crazy"...he was the therapist so he would know right?

I also know from being surrounded by friends at work and of my ex that there are plenty of bad, cynical, jaded therapists out there.  We would talk about how difficult it is to find a skillful therapist.  And I live in a metropolitan area with over a million people.  It is a new and evolving profession. 

I think that it's wonderful that you've found the book and the concept of healing by committee.  I love that idea too.  This forum is a part of that process, but I look forward to one day finding a friend(s)/partner and a recovery group like he describes in the book.  I've not found that yet.  I noticed that there are about 10+ supportive groups in the Bay area where the author resides! (Adult Survivor's of Childhood Abuse).

Now, with the two therapists with whom I've worked (one in a team-building work group, one individually) I start by letting them know that a therapist re-traumatized me and that my abusive/narcissistic ex is a therapist.  It helped them know how to work with me and decide if they're up for the working with someone with my experience. 
   
I also called the therapist who'd made the errors once I understood them and left her a message describing what the problem(s) had been.  She'd wanted to meet, but I just didn't feel up to it.  Sometimes I think about writing her a letter, I know that I will suggest Pete Walker's book. 

I noticed a few people here talking about therapists giving advice.  My current therapist in 3 years has not once given me advice or suggestion of "what to do"...at the beginning I made it clear I just need someone to listen and help me process.  I think he knows that any level of advice in my situation is dangerous given my childhood trauma.  So he describes perceptions of situations that I experience, validates and asks leading questions.  It may take longer with no "advice" but that's ok with me.

As you get farther in to the book he talks about "good enough."  Good enough parenting & good enough therapy.  I love that concept.  No therapist is perfect, but more than 80% helpful to me feels "good enough" to be part of the committee.  If those who've had bad therapy choose to look for a therapist again I hope you find someone who is "good enough."

I continue to feel the need to express my gratitude to everyone here as we heal together, form and maintain the support here that we all need and deserve.  My ideas are of course just mine and it's the whole of the group that allows each of us to pick out that which works, doesn't work, we like, and we don't like.  Thank you.

C.

[wingnut]

Hey, C.

You mentioned groups. I find it frustrating here, too, that I live in a city close to 80,000 and there are no free groups outside of the 12 step programs. We all seem to have our own opinions about those. The fact that they don't offer cross-talk makes me think their help is limited. That is one advantage to this forum. You can ask questions and get opinions and some solid input. Several T's offer private groups at $50 a pop. This on top of T is a bit much for me. Have you been in groups before? If so, how did you find them?

[C.]

hello wingnut,  i am posting a thread about finding a group in my area so i think I'll post my answer there in order to validate the original topic of this thread.