Missing dissociation when coming back to reality?

[Indigochild]

Just a quickie

After disassociating, ie. for say...an hour / two hours one evening- and you actually notice it-
do any of you miss being disassociated when it subsides?
Its kind of like a come down, only I'm too numb to experience the feeling of come *down*.- (dont feel down)
just....empty...like a good friend has left.
Im only just starting to notice whats going on in my body and that includes dissociation...
and I'm thinking- that maybe when i was little, dissociation was the only friend i had, the only person i had to keep me safe, so now i like zoning out from the outside world.
of course some of it is unpleasant, but when I'm home alone or stressed and out and about, I welcome that cloak that makes sounds quiter and stops the internal racket in my head - (thoughts).
Do you guys know if this is right brain dissociation? its like the thoughts are floating away.

Thanks

[Indigochild]

ps. after therapy session the other day (not doing EDMR or real in depth trauma work just yet), I nipped into a shop to get some essentials...
and I left my card at the till.
I do do this sometimes....the lady reminded me so thats how i remembered at the time.

The next day, I realised that my therapy folder want in my bag.
I assumed it would be, as i usually take my laptop from volunteering but partner took it home for me that day.
I could not remember at which point out shopping that night I left my folder somewhere, and I dont remember at which points before loosing it i had it.
Was i in Starbucks, or the shop or the toilet when i left it?
I disasociated that night, after feeling stressed out about the session.

The next day, this guy came into volunteering and was on about seeing me yesterday (before therapy that day)
and I couldnt remember seeing him.
He said he was in the kitchen and that i made him a coffee..i *really* had to rack my brains to remember this...and because i was quite chilled out i didnt automatically pretend i remembered as i usually do.
He said I'm going senile, and it was a joke, but people dont know do they, and they dont understand. I want to tell people I'm not stupid, like my mum made me out to be because i was forgetful- but was i really?
But the forgetfulness now- for organisation its on target - as i was forced to be that way or i was in trouble...
but for other stuff i forget. What worried me a little was leaving my therapy folder, i mean...am i just forgetting important things now too?

It might be nothing and just a normal mistake, just, i guard that folder with my life because it has important things in it.
One clue could be that after therapy, I felt nothing about the session, and i was saying to her that i really dont feel anything in general, and that i really dont care that my mum doesnt care about me. She said my inner child does, i just cant access thoes feelings.

Im a lot more disassociated a lot more often than i thought- noticing these episodes more as they happen.
Does anyone ever feel a whirring sensation in their head-
like a rushing sound when they are disasociating?
Kind of like your mind is falling- not your body-
and then the body feels numb- and you feel calm like your made of stone- sometimes heavy, sometimes not-
but your heart seems like it has stopped and everything is calm.
Can anyone relate?

[writetolife]

Yeah, I definitely miss my dissociation sometimes when it's gone.  Usually when this happens it's because I'm flipping back and forth from really intense emotion and then dissociating to deal with it.  So when I'm feeling the emotion I want it to stop and wish I was dissociating.  And when I'm dissociating, I wish it would stop because I can't focus on my computer screen or think straight.  Haha.