Thrilled to find this group (possible trigger - sociopath victim)

[JustMe]

I am 37 years old. I have known I had some form of PTSD for a very long time, but I was dismissed by many a therapist because I was not military and did not experience an acute type trauma. I also have the gift of painting on the smile when things get uncomfortable.

Anyway, my basic story consists of the sociopathic mother who had a thing for using people as puppets. She would learn their tendencies and weaknesses and provoke them. She enjoyed telling my step father whatever wrong I committed and would literally smirk while she listened to him beat me. When I got older and tough enough to physically fight back, she found ways to manipulate friends of mine, boyfriends etc.  Even when I tried to keep my life at a distance, she always found a way in.  She went so far as to keep a daily journal detailing cocaine use and stating that I was abusing my daughter when she was a toddler, none of which was true. She made the mistake of telling one of her friends who knew it was BS, and my daughter and I dropped out of sight.

A few years later, I was remarried and she contacted me again. She sucked me in with information on who my biological father was and finally admitting my birth certificate was faked. I still kept her at arms length. At some point, she started cheating on hubby #2 and I had subtly warned him about her - he is a nice person. By this point, her ego had grown so much that she told him almost everything she had done to me. She purposely stole all of my daughter's baby pictures, she bragged about destroying several of my relationships in the past, and detailed how easily she could provoke her first husband into violent behavior.

That is when I started to remember. I remembered the overall events before but I did not really understand anything.  Suddenly, I was bombarded with flashbacks, insomnia, nightmares, etc. I always had emotional flashbacks and anxiety but nothing like that. She tried contacting my husband when I refused to speak to her ad she tried for an entire day via text messaging and on the phone to manipulate him (impossible as he is way too smart). When that did not work, she tried me again, and I threatened legal action. We have since moved several times and I have had no contact with her or any family members with direct contact with her in nearly 10 years.

Despite that, things creep in even now, and considering the years of failed therapy, maybe knowing I am not the only one?  I have certainly never written a post this long anywhere so I guess I needed to get that out. Thanks for reading.

[Kizzie]

Hi and welcome to OOTS, glad you found your way here as you are in very good company    My F, M and B suffer from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) although they were somewhat more covert than your M.  Regardless, abuse is abuse if it results in not feeling safe, loved, worthy, or that you belong and that's certainly how I felt. 

We belong here though, which is both unfortunate (i.e., that we have CPTSD), and at the same time kind of wonderful because we are no longer alone. Many of us come to see that we aren't crazy, defective or worthless, but that we suffer from a psychological injury (stress disorder) inflicted on us by people who are personality disordered or worse.

Best of all (imo) is that we learn we can recover which for a lot of us  requires that we get those ghosts out in the open and deal with them.  I guess you could say we become "ghostbusters" in recovery.  Those who suffer from a PD or worse are not as fortunate, they tend to be very treatment resistant.

Again welcome to the community and hopefully being here will help you in your quest to recover.  

[JustMe]

Wow. Thank you for the lovely response.

I think perhaps the covert actions of some perpetrators can be worse. Mine was really covert until her ego, or maybe her confidence level, swelled to bursting. Before that tho, I teetered on the edge of uncertainty. Your gut says something is up, but it takes awhile to put your finger on it. I think the payoff for those people which is control, and well, they dont get to win anymore.

[GettingThere]

You are so incredibly strong to have been able to survive and protect yourself and your daughter. I agree covert actions are definitely the worst. You are certainly not the only one, and while my mother has never been formally diagnosed, she has also engaged in a lot of manipulative behavior similar to your situation. And it's great that you have your husband to support you. The fact that you were able to trust enough to build and maintain that bond shows how strong you are. I admire that.

[breakingfree]

I appreciate your sharing, I am a new member and experiences a great deal of covert manipulation, sociopathy and BPD relatives. It takes a great deal of education and therapy to come to terms, understand and restore ourselves. Like you I feel defeated when I these relatives just keep coming back: but firming up boundaries seems to be the only real choice and if that is not enough: police I guess.

They say: if you starve these disordered people they will move onto other victims/opportnities, I guess to a degree that is true and perhaps when you do get that space and time away (rare as it may seem) it's best to keep healing, working on yourself, absorb the peace in your life and then use that to defend your well being even stronger the next time they come sniffing.

This is how I try to see my similar situation. Because otherwise I lock up and stay avoidant (this is me now, but trying to fix that). Good luck and thanks for sharing. I feel less alone with your story.