Hello from Green Tomatoes

[Green Tomatoes]

Saying hello.  I struggle with C-PTSD and am in severe "emotional flashback" mode.  I only recently read about this kind of flashback and wonder if I've been living in them for years.  Done lots of therapy, CBT, Meditation and self help for childhood emotional abuse and incest from father (age 3 - 15).  I feel so ashamed to still be struggling.  Several new events over the last three years and recently in the last month... anyway - I'm not doing great.  Lots of shame about this.

Chose the name Green Tomatoes because we had to harvest our garden and I've been making all sorts of foods with them trying to use them up before they get blight.  Once the blight sets in, I have to throw them out - they are useless, even for the chickens!  I feel like I'm one of the green tomatoes and instead of figuring out something delicious I'm just rotting and getting blight.  It comes on slowly, but then renders the tomato ugly and useless.  Of coarse, "uselessness" and being "thrown out" feel so familiar. 

I've signed up on this forum as well as another one for survivors of childhood abuse.  I've felt too ashamed to say hello or even share my story.  I'm having a lot of fear and anxiety - not functioning well, numbing out by processing foods from our garden, reading and watching TV.  Feeling very fearful to be around people other than my husband and dog.  Had a panic attack in Costco the other day - took to flight (haven't had one this severe for almost 20 years).  Well. . .   that 's all for now.  I'm going to go toss more greenies.  They aren't even useful in the compost as they contaminate it.

[On the edge of hope]

Hi Green Tomatoes. I'm new too. Yours was the first Introduction post I read. Thank you for posting it 

[Dutch Uncle]

Hello Green Tomatoes 

Done lots of therapy, CBT, Meditation and self help for childhood emotional abuse and incest from father (age 3 - 15).  I feel so ashamed to still be struggling.  Several new events over the last three years and recently in the last month... anyway - I'm not doing great.  Lots of shame about this.

I've felt too ashamed to say hello or even share my story.

Shame is something that many of us have. I can relate as well.
It's OK to feel that way, and share. You don't have to be ashamed for being ashamed, is what I'm trying to say  . Feeling shame sucks. Big time. OK.

It's a long path, and it's a struggling path. You don't have to do that struggle all alone though.
I hope and wish to see you around,

Dutch Uncle

[tiggerd2]

Green tomatoes-
you are not green. You are on the verge of ripening. We don't have to have it all figured out.
I think we all feel shame. Shame is something we are taught to feel. It doesn't have to define us. It is a long road but it is worth it.
Welcome