Russian Dolls

[NarcKiddo]

I've been horribly dysregulated for quite some time now. All manner of life issues are piling on. My trigger alert is very sensitive right now.

I've been getting a lot of EFs lately. Usually when I get an EF I will try to work out what the trigger was because that usually gives me clues as to which inner child is hurting and calling for help. And then I can work out what approach will be most soothing. Do I need to cuddle a toy or read a children's story, or do I need to do some artwork or but a small treat like cosmetics or clothing? Will a little bit of chocolate help or just make me feel worse?

What has been happening this time is that I have had EFs that feel like they come from a younger part but my reactions to them feel like they are coming from an older part. It occurred to me that when I actually was a teenager, she would have had inner children. They can't magically have appeared now I am an adult. So maybe I am like a Russian doll, and need to work out which size doll I am dealing with plus be aware of all the smaller dolls inside that might be affected by whatever is bothering me.

Anyway, I thought I'd just put this thought out there in case anyone finds it useful or would like to comment.

[Kizzie]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way Narc Kiddo, it's awful I know.   

A therapist once suggested recovery is like peeling an onion, layers upon layers that make you cry. But, when you add the onion into something like a stew it helps the other ingredients to become a mix of something quite lovely.

Maybe not the classiest of analogies (    ), but I actually found/find it useful to think of my trauma in this way. Taken on its own not very good, but when mixed in with the rest of me it helps me to see an authentic person who has all sorts of flavours (characteristics) including many that are positive (e.g., insightful, resilient). 

I have peeled back many layers, but when under stress I find more at my core.  I hope it is like your Russian dolls and eventually there will be one last doll.

I hope this resonates, if not please disregard. 

[Blueberry]

NK, I'm sorry things are so difficult for you atm, that there is such a pile-up.

The Russian dolls. A trauma therapist at the retreats I go to suggested them to me as an analogy. He even brought a set to one retreat, maybe to make it easier for my Inner Children to grasp?

I think it makes perfect sense that our younger selves are themselves possibly carrying even younger selves. Iirc for instance my 7yo and my 16yo were in the same inner safe place for a couple of years. Maybe still are.

Also when I was working on the gas stove, I knew that I was dealing with an older child, 11-12 yo, but the voice I spoke in at some point during the therapy session, maybe even the words I used, were that of a much younger child. I think it just makes so much sense that we have younger parts carrying even younger parts. Sadly.

[HannahOne]

NarcKiddo I was sorry to read EFs are happening so much right now.

Thank you for sharing your experience, it made sense to me. I also find that my parts relate to each other. One part protects another, compensates for another, and in that sense my parts can trigger each other. If a young scared part gets triggered, an angry part might get activated, or a depressed part might come in and try to snuff out all feelings. Everyone's insides are arranged or perceived differently so what applies to me might not apply to you. 

What helps me most is to ask what I can do for these parts right now? I'm here, whereas in the past no one was there to respond, see, care, help. I find I'm often hungry, anxious, lonely, or tired/bored, HALT is the acronym. For me it's so often hungry, or lonely. I need food, or I need to go out of my house or connect to something or someone. Or there was a a social experience that scared me, that confused part of me, that was unexpected or uncertain. Then I find it most helpful to normalize it, welcome All of Me to the human party. I've developed some resources inside that most of me trusts and can explain, hey sometimes people do X Y Z, doesn't mean anything about you, or you've done nothing wrong, this is just how people navigate and negotiate, or what do I need to change in future to express a boundary, that kind of thing. 

[Blueberry]

HannahOne, it's helpful for me to read your above post too, thank you.

[NarcKiddo]

Thank you HannahOne. Your post is helpful. And thank you, too, Blueberry and Kizzie.