Scapegoating the family whistleblower

[Still Me]

Jeeze I've no idea what I'm doing here , but here goes .
Im a fellah so it's easier if I use bullet points rather than prose .
Nearly 27 yrs ago I called the police on my parents .
My sister had disclosed my father sexually  abused her .
Everyone in the family believed her , but no one would do anything about it .
I spent 2 yrs trying to get my family to address the problem.
Everyone demanded i drop the issue .
Including the victim , then an adult .
I couldn't because there were grandkids visiting.
My brother , a parent refused to protect his kids and  refused to tell his wife that these allegations  had been made .
I refused to drop pushing for answers and eventually  when he saw it wasn't going away ... my father admitted the abuse .
My family , including my mother  still refused to do anything  and the victim was still demanding I also stop .
I was totally on my sisters side and supported her unconditionally,  but I just couldn't do what she was demanding I do because 2 sets grandchildren were in the house  with my father most day's.
So I called the police and my father didn't deny anything .
To this day I have been scapegoated and boycotted by everyone in the family including uncles and aunts .
My father the abuser was not isolated and there were 5 priests on the alter at his funeral . I did not attend
All my other siblings brought their children into the house  , even though my sister confirmed the sexual abuse to them.
I cut off all contact with them  in 1999 . It was traumatic and the blame and anger I got was very difficult.
But I was saved by the birth of my only child , a girl, on my birthday in 2020. That saved me  i forgave my mother , and visited her often enough in the 3 yrs  efore she died ..
In the last 2 years,, I'm 64 , I'm feeling the trauma of it all and it hurts

[dollyvee]

Hey Still Me,

I'm sorry you had to go through all that. It's a heartbreaking thing to stand up against something for so wrong and be seen as if you're the problem. I can understand why you have a lot of residual feelings around all that. For me, I think you did the right thing for trying to look out for those kids when no one else did.

Welcome to the forum and I hope you find what you're looking for you. 

Sending you support,
dolly

[Still Me]

Thanks for that Dollyvee
Well that's the role of a family scapegoat.
I always assumed over the years  that decency and fairness would win out. I had no understanding until last year that being a family scapegoat is a life sentence,  most especially because the issue isn't money,  land , sibling  rivalry etc , but child abuse.
The siblings who brought their children into the abusers house  can never ever admit to others what they did so they all pretend it never happened.  and it's my role to be blamed rather than examining what they did.
I already know I did the right thing Dolly  . Imagine being scapegoated for trying to get family members to address child abuse.

My sister privately  at my mother's funeral told me I was right to do what I did . She said I was 100% correct and had no choice but to do what I did. But that was privately. She also uses me as scapegoat  because  she didnt want to be blamed for family rupture  , shes very very happy  its me and not her Every single  professional or counsellor I've spoken to over 20 yrs have admired the way I handled the situation.
Just to balance out the above , ie perspective
Im extremely close to my wife and daughter.  We live in a 300yrold house ,sheds  on 9 acres of paddocks and gardens that I've renovated over 30yrs and every year we take in thousands of school children and Spanish student on tours to do heritage activities with them , eg storytelling, bread making,  butter and cheese making , pillowfighting and old fashioned fun . I am very lucky, we have no debts , everything was paid from earnings. 
Its just ,as,I said ,the full implications of being a family scapegoat didn't hit me til last year.
The long reply was because I was in having lunch .
Maybe my experience will help some reader

[Marcine]

Hi Still Me,
I see the courage it surely took to stand up again and again for what you knew was right in the face of messages to be quiet and stop.

I also hear in your words the huge cost and the heavy load you have been carrying.

I am so sorry that you were punished and isolated for trying to protect your sister and the grandkids, that you were scapegoated for speaking the truth.

I imagine that you couldn't live with yourself if you didn't do all you could to try to protect them. You are that kind of a person. One with integrity.

Welcome to the forum. I have found it to be a healing place with supportive, intelligent, caring folks. I hope you do too.
~Marcine