Mother’s Day ,Sigh

[Alexandra]

Hello ; Mother's Day is such a painful Day for me, my So-called mother was very abusive on Mother's Day , she was enraged with her mother, she took her rage out on me ,as she did with all of her rage ,my so-called mother was raised in foster care ,she never stayed in one place for more than two years , her own mother was a schizophrenic, she had custody ,of my so-called mother, from time to time ,however my so-called mother was removed and put back in foster care ,I met my so-called mother's mother a few times  , she was very crazy. I really have no way of knowing how true Mother's Day is, are there really Mothers  like the holiday indicates, any way, there is just a deep loneliness to not have had a mother, I just ignore it, however it hits me like a ton of bricks on Mother's Day, sigh   

[Bach]

Mother's Day is a cruel joke for people with abusive mothers.  I feel it every year.

[Black Adder]

Mothers Day for me is really painful.

I haven't engaged for over a decade but what really screws me up is how wonderful I thought she was until I went into therapy and discovered she was a narcissistic, vengeful control freak!

On that day I think about a suggestion that a survivor gave me. Think about "Others Day". All the OTHER people that have helped me along the way especially in childhood. And I am lucky and extremely grateful 🙏 to those lovely, compassionate souls because I have had a few.

[Kizzie]

I am so sorry for all of us who had mothers we did/do not want to celebrate in any way, it's the worst kind of wound in the world to not have a loving, safe parent. We have talked here at OOTS before about making it a "Me" day to celebrate the fact that we are not our M's and we deserve to make the day special for ourselves.

Yesterday my H and I went to a restaurant in the Rockies that we have gone to for many years for both upsetting and happy days.  We talked about the fact that when I had ovarian cancer and had my hair shaved off (because it gets painful as it falls out when you're on chemo), we came to this same restaurant which is a bit up one of the mountains overlooking the town of Banff and surrounded by other beautiful mountains covered in snow. We talked about how coming here those many years ago helped me to balance out the pain and fear of having cancer and and dismay about having to shave my hair.

I don't have a bad memory of that day which really was tough, I have a positive memory of being loved and cared for. That it was Mother's Day this time made it even more special and reinforces the positive side of my life. I can honestly say I did not think of my NM once during the day and that's something because she took up a LOT of real estate in my head.

I think these are the kind of things we need to do for ourselves when pain from the past rises up on holidays like this. It's like the saying "The best revenge is living well". And we really do deserve it!