Wanting to be human

[Alexandra]

Hello ; I have been thinking about my not, wanting to be a human being, I used to feel very guilty about it, not now, I realize that ,I made that choice because of all of the violence I was being subjected to, the incident when I made the choice not to want to be a human being any more  was when I was 13 , I was desperately lonely, I brought a stray cat home, my so-called mother said I could keep the cat for week, and then she would say whether or not I could keep it,after a week,  my so-called mother put the cat in a cloth laundry bag, and told me to put the  cat out on the street and not to come back until I had done so, I walked the streets for hours crying, I had no place to go, I had no choice except to put leave the cat on the street ,I was only 13 , it was as I walked the streets that I decided  ,to not want to be a human being. I have now decided to change my mind, while I do have to live with that past, I will never be in that position again, also I was 13 ,I am an adult, which gives me more resources, to deal with what happened . I find my choice to want to be a human being again, somewhat scary, however, it also makes me feel better. Do you folks also struggle with no wanting to be a human being? , what choices have you made ? Thank you