Never tell the abuser

[Alexandra]

Hello ; I found this really frustrating, I could never tell my so-called mother ,the abuser anything, object to her behavior,in any way ,she also avoided responsibility by telling me ,for example that I said ,she could leave  me alone, for hours or days on end, a small child age 6 or so, would never say such a thing of course,  I was desperately lonely and told I was responsible .I am still very angry with my so-called mother, I felt like I did not exist, I felt like going on the roof of a tall building and yelling " I exist."  There is no such thing as closure with the abuser, she would never take any responsibility for her behavior . With people who have lead normal lives, there is dialogue , if someone says something upsetting  ,they will apologize  you can talk to them about it, of course, if I say something upsetting to them ,I will apologize , as well I find people who lead normal lives unable to understand, there is " no entrance" with an abuser

[Blueberry]

Here we understand, having similar FOOs, similar abusers. Sending you support and care.

[NarcKiddo]

Your post resonates. I could never tell mine anything either. Certainly I could not criticise her in any way or say anything she might perceive as a criticism. I also could not tell her anything in general because it felt like all information (good or bad) could and would be used against me at some point. My mother said sorry to me once when I was about 7. She had lost her temper at me in the car, triggered by some other driver getting in her way, I think. She said sorry and then at once said 'do you forgive me?'. I was still dysregulated from the rage and taken by surprise by the apology. I was also angry at her for the unfair treatment of me by her - a regular occurrence. So I foolishly told her I did not forgive her. Bad mistake. Perhaps it is fortunate she never apologised for anything again.

[Alexandra]

Hello NarcKiddoZG1 ;Firstly, you are right, any an all information , you shared would be used against you . I do understand ,it was impossible for you to be honest with her ,it was completely understandable that you told the truth for once, you bare no, responsibility, your response was not in the least foolish, it was  your mother who bares all of the responsibility ,for not accepting your authentic feelings. Living with my so-Called mother was a prison camp, she was the commandant ,if I showed any interest in any thing say a book she would , tear it up. I look at that life as a prison camp with prison camp rules , it helps to separate that life ,from normal life  I understand why if a soldier is captured ,they are told to give only name ,rank and serial number , any other information will be used against them. To this day, I am anxious to share personal opinions ,or personal feelings with other people , as I am afraid it will be used against me. It sounds like we were both in prison camps just in different locations.

[Moondance]

Your post resonates. I could never tell mine anything either. Certainly I could not criticise her in any way or say anything she might perceive as a criticism. I also could not tell her anything in general because it felt like all information (good or bad) could and would be used against me at some point.

This totally resonates with me NK.