I want my personality changed so bad

[geckoskittlezx7900338]

I have immense dysmorphia over my own personality. Personality tests, especially MBTI, are a source of significant distress.

"Thank you for being so open and honest! That takes a lot of courage" I find extremely triggering to be told, because my self-worth depends on personality traits such as modesty and self-concealment and some degree of having foresight for the consequences of my actions. Clinginess and a marked need for intimacy, resulting in an undue amount of self-disclosure in spite of psychological distress, is also at odds with what constitutes my "ideal self".
If I am convinced I am a certain typology that is too far away from my ideal self, I am completely unable to feel happy at all.

I feel like inventing an identity, it's like a gender identity except gender is less relevant. Type identity disorder, also known as type dysphoria or trans-typism, occurs when an individual experiences deep distress upon their own cognition (manifest in their behaviour, personality, mannerisms, habits, "vibes", etc) and is jealous of those with different typologies, completely unable to accept their own. The solution to this in an ideal world would be type reassignment surgery, which is unfortunately a pipe dream. The more realistic solutions to type dysphoria include:
- avoiding typology content
- medication
- conscious efforts to alter one's personality gradually over time
- social isolation, or at least stopping contact completely with certain people or certain kinds of people

abandonment issues + asexuality = drawn to emotionally unavailable people but instead of dating such folk makes it part of their identity
autism + AFAB = became transgender at puberty because distressed by curves, above statement is also a major contributing factor

[InTheQuiet]

Hi there. I'm sorry to read of your distress. Hope there is a small pleasure in your day today.

Are you working with anyone or a group? I can relate to some of the things you are saying.

What helped me at different times were therapy, group coaching and a movement practice (tai chi for me - and dancing in the kitchen).

I'm only just coming to a more stable and gentle sense of self now. I questioned by gender in my childhood a bit, but for me it was really about a general sense of not fitting in and not feeling safe. I'm still an introvert, still queer, but much less distressed about my own peculiar shape

There's always some challenge, but it consumes me much less.

Hope you get some relief