My comorbidities, maybe

[Bermuda]

So, I don't know where to share this. I guess I am writing this here because I am missing having a wise woman figure in my life who can just tell me what I am supposed to expect as I age. There are lots of little things on my mind lately, and I had no one to discuss them with.

TW: Female issues, medical stuff, nothing graphic

For a few "cycles" now, I have wondered if I am perimenopausal. I think I might be. Things are getting strange. I'm only 37, and I don't dare talk to a medical person about this. I started menstruating at 9. I have read now that child abuse can lead to early menstruation and early menopause, and also that if you begin menstruation early, that you are several fold more likely to go through menopause before 40. This is really huge, because menopause leads to other health susceptibilities, like mental health struggles and decreased bone density. So, it's not all in my head, but the question is... What is perimenopause like? No one has talked to me about it. Maybe my thyroid hormones are just off, or maybe I am stopping menstruation, have in insatiable appetite, and wake up in sweats because I am aging. I don't know. If there is a wise woman out there, please tell me what perimenopause felt like.

I have an appointment with an anaesthesiologist about my paradoxical reactions to sedation before a surgery that I am on a waiting list for, and I have been looking into that. I can't be put to sleep. It doesn't work. I wrote on his medical form that I have CPTSD. It seems mildly relevant. I researched this a bit more, as I have been practicing what I will tell him (what I won't be telling him). It seems this is most likely becase of developmental trauma and changes in my serotonin 5HT2 receptors. I'm not going to tell him that. I will act just as puzzled as he is. Anyway, since my mind is being siphoned down this tube, I don't know what is real.

Am I perimenopausal? Is it something else? Is this all because I lacked decent human interaction as a child? Am I being dramatic? How do I communicate with people about "me"? What is menopause like?

[NarcKiddo]

I can tell you plenty about my experiences of perimenopause which I have been going through for some time (and am now having the joys of some investigations due to HRT not working quite as anticipated). I knew next to nothing about it and had no idea that some of my symptoms were anything to do with it.

I started noticing symptoms in my mid 40s, which seems a pretty average age to start. However I did not start entering puberty in any meaningful way until I was at least 13/14 and did not start menstruating until 16. So if these things were mathematical, had I started at 9 I guess my menopause symptoms would have started at around 38. A long way round for me to say that 37 does seem on the early side but I do not think it is at all beyond the bounds of possibility.

Waking up in sweats - oh, boy. I had absolutely NO idea that night sweats are all part of the vasomotor symptoms people commonly refer to as "hot flushes". Mine were utterly awful. I would wake up at least once most nights, sometimes twice or more, utterly drenched. T shirt, pillows, sheets, mattress. I took to keeping a dry T shirt by the bed, sleeping on a towel so I could fling it off in the night and have a vaguely dry sheet underneath, and having spare pillows by the bed so I could swap out for dry ones, all without having to actually get up, put the lights on, change the bedding and ruin my sleep even more than it already had been.

HRT has ended all of that.

I have had a very occasional hot flush as people describe them - the creeping heat coming up one's torso and head, but that aspect was never particularly bothersome for me.

I am not over-worried about bone density because I have been doing intensive weight-bearing exercise for the last ten years or so. I started that precisely because I was concerned about menopause, and expected to hate it. Luckily for me, I did not. However there is no doubt that bone density is a concern. Your diet needs to have adequate protein and calcium and vitamin D. Mine was never a problem although I upped my protein due to my new-found fitness interests. But I eat meat and dairy so it is easy for me. If you do not, it may be more challenging. Not impossible, or even difficult, but probably needs thought about more than I have to (and even I use protein shakes just for their convenience). HRT significantly helps maintain bone density. If you can't take HRT then I think you can increase your oestrogen via some photo-oestrogenic foods. Soy and the like.

Mentally, I became less able to control the surges of rage I have always been so able to suppress (of necessity). I also became very tearful for the most odd reasons. If my husband put a plate in the dishwasher wrong it was anyone's guess whether I would want to murder him or dissolve into a heap of helpless tears. HRT has solved the tearfulness. It did not touch the rage - but that was a good thing as it drove me to therapy, discovering CPTSD etc. However, before addressing the issues via HRT and then therapy, I did start to have very serious concerns about my mental health. The hormonal fluctuations upset a finely balanced apple cart - and I think all the apple carts of us folks with CPTSD are very finely balanced.

I could say more, and am very happy to discuss further with you either here or privately by email if you prefer. Or a mixture. I have been very disappointed by how little I knew about menopause so if open discussion helps other people I am all for it. But there may be some more private issues you would not want on an open forum. Up to you entirely.

Knowing you as I do, I highly doubt you are being dramatic!

[Bermuda]

That is all so helpful. I don't think I have much to say privately right now, but I appreciate the invite, and thanks for saying you don't I'm being dramatic. I feel so dramatic sometimes. I can only imagine if I went to my GP and said this. He would think I'm insane, and I can't be put in a positive to defend my feelings, because I'll just not. I don't. I need to work on that.

I had hot flushes during my second pregnancy, and they were just like in movies. In the middle of a shop, ditching the groceries, undressing and breathing. So, I'm not having those yet, and I think when I do I will know. The nightsweats are odd. Like losing a bucket of water, sleeping on a towel situation... and it's not night terrors or anything like that. Random loss of all hydration.

I worry about bone density probably because here I am broken, and I suffered so many broken bones as a child. I just assume my bones are hollow like bird bones. I take complete nutritional meal supplements, so I am not worried from that perspective. Just the "inherently flawed" perspective. I'm probably not inherently flawed. I might be. Haven't Googled if that's a possibility. (Sarcasm)ish

My cycles are like six weeks apart on average now, and not predictable at all.

There is such a desire to be informed, but I can't be informed, because that is problematic.

[NarcKiddo]

You probably would not want a blood test to check hormone levels, but if you are offered one (or consider the home urine tests you can now buy from a pharmacy) then you should probably know that if you are in perimenopause those tests are pretty much useless. This is because they only take a snapshot of your hormones at that precise time, and the very nature of peri is that you are fluctuating. So a reading one day could be normal and another could be low. I think they do advise the tests for younger women who should not be anywhere near peri, so if you were to seek medical advice you might be offered one due to your age. The tests are probably useful for people who are trying to conceive (in which case regular tests are needed) but from what I have read they are not really of value in any other situation.

You could get a DEXA scan if you are worried about bone density. My friend has them quite regularly as she (just turned 70) has bad osteoporosis and is on drugs for it. I think those scans are just like having an x ray. It could be worth considering that just to put your mind at rest. And if your bones are actually fragile then it is best to know so you can address that (which would likely involve medication if very fragile, or dietary and exercise advice if less so). Although you would have to be willing to address it in the first place or there is no point putting yourself through a scan.

There are supplements you can take for menopause symptoms, and foods you could consider and it is quite possible that those would help with the night sweats. Might be worth some research? HRT is the gold standard but not everyone can take it. And if you are only just getting the first small fluctuations then supplements might be very helpful. The gynaecologist I saw recently for my issues said that the slightest change in hormones can really throw you off. So in my case, though I take HRT, if my ovaries suddenly decide they haven't quite finished, even the tiniest amount of extra oestrogen can cause an unexpected bleed.

The only other thing I can think of that might affect cycles is if you are very under weight. Or of course thyroid issues - you are aware that can affect the position as you said so in your first post.

[Armee]

Hey...

Your theory about perimenopause could make sense. But if waking up in sweats is post accident mostly...perhaps you are having a stress reaction to what could be considered a life threatening event that could have harmed you and your children. And/or this valid worry about surgery and the conversation with the anesthesiologist.

[Kizzie]

Armee and NarcKiddo have shared a lot of good info so I just want to share that I had menopause in my early 40's after what felt like an eternity of perimenopause before that which included nights sweats, irregular periods, emotions up and down and around, etc. I tried HRT but like most things I had reactions to it, just like the pill. 

Also wanted to mention I have osteoporosis which was determined by a bone scan. Nothing scary, you just lay there basically.  I take medication to build my density back up. Exercise helps with that as well.

Good luck with the anesthesiologist and hope your eye is getting better! 

[storyworld]

Bermuda, I didn't realize that childhood abuse could impact cycles. That is interesting. I don't remember when I went into pre-menopause, but I was in full-blown menopause by age 45. I do take calcium and try to stay active (for bone health). Initially, I had hot flashes for what felt like forever, but now that I am almost 50, my symptoms seem to have gotten better. It's hard for me to know how my emotions were effected as there were a series of events that were huge (as in massive) triggers that made me feel like I was emotionally drowning for about a year and a half.

I do hope you begin to feel as well as possible soon!

[Bermuda]

I don't know what I would do without you all. It means so much to me. I have never had anyone I could just reach out to before, and if I reached out I am always met with overwhelm or annoyance, or that face of "Eeek". I'm not used to people asking how I am in a genuine kind of way. Thanks.

I am OK. Since the incident I've been more aloof than usual. It doesn't help that I can't get back into my routine, and this infection, and then those side-effects... It's a avalanche and honestly, I am not trying to escape it. I've basically just dug out a hole in the snow and am waiting for the end. My hyperarousal is fully aroused. The neighbours have been violent in the night. Last night we called the police. It was very scary. My appointment is tomorrow, and that has been keeping me up at night. I am still visually unwell, so I thought about cancelling but I have been on antibiotics for a while now, and if I cancel I know I will never reschedule. The social techniquue I have chosen is to only respond to prompts, and only in the way that it directly answers the questions he has asked. No explaining. I know nothing about his field, all I know is that I will be awake during surgery.

I have wondered about perimenopause for a while now, since before the accident. I had a friend who was menopausal super early. She was my roommate a long time ago. We endured a lot together and in parallel. Then for me conception was difficult. My first pregnancy took two years. And now things are irregular and heavy but short, and the sweats, and the constant feeling of annoyance. It's just hard to know if the symptoms I have now are other hormones, or that, or something else, or maybe it's just something I am imagining. ...But I had extremely heavy periods my whole life, and I never knew that was not normal until I started thyroid hormones. Judging on what I experience alone as a standard for normal is just wildly inaccurate, and I have no external data about this. I know next to nothing about this and I can't bring it up medically, because of *avoidance*. I know where that would go.

I am done rambling.

[dollyvee]

Hi Bermuda,

This is just my experience here but I had, and still do have, some of the symptoms you mentioned above (night sweats, differing periods) which started in my early 30s. I thought I had an issue with my thyroid (hashimoto's thyroiditis; there's also a really good forum called Hasimoto's 411 on Facebook with a lot of information if you're interested) since I started gaining weight around that time as well, had a very low mood, reaction to gluten, fatigue and it was genetic (my gm had it). Anyways, it took me a decade to sort it out, but I have an issue with mycotoxins and pretty sure I have what's known as CIRS, or chronic inflammatory response syndrome. A lot of the symptoms overlap (night sweats, fatigue) and mold/mycotoxins can be an underlying cause for gut dysbiosis, which can lead to autoimmune thyroid conditions, problems with gluten etc. Usually when I would get "glutened" in the past, I would wake up with pretty bad night sweats. It's also depressing my immune system right now and I've had a viral reactivation which is causing chronic fatigue (not depression).

It took about 10 years and finding a very good, clued up functional health practitioner to help sort the puzzle pieces out. As NK said, there are tests you can get (all my hormones showed up normal except for prolactin, which ruled out perimenopause) and functional health practitioners work off test results akin to a doctor (some of them are ex MDs). For me, helping what was going on in my body also had a big impact on my mental health (gluten turns me into a different person, and all the neurotransmittors that are created in the gut for example; I also feel like a lot of my body anxiety has disappated since starting mycotoxin detox). I see it as a circle: sometimes I have body issues that affect my mental health/reaction to trauma, and sometimes my trauma/experiences affect my body. I think you also have every right to find out what is going on for you, whatever that may be.

Sending you support and hope you find something that works for you,
dolly