Cptsd in adulthood, some thoughts

[Rainagain]

I have been thinking for quite a while about cptsd which occurs in adulthood.

I am unsure if my childhood was bad or not, I think there was trauma but mostly that is from how others react to anecdotes about my childhood, it didn't feel too bad at the time.

I am getting better from the adult trauma I have experienced, I dont post very much these days as I have sort of moved on from the confused quiet horror I used to live with.

My thought is that perhaps childhood trauma leaves a mark that allows adult cptsd to take hold.

I have had plenty of adult trauma, so much so that psychiatrists do not need to look any further.

But maybe that is not correct, maybe my childhood left me with a vulnerability to adult trauma, or an inability to cope with stressful events which predisposed me toward cptsd as an adult.

I think it is possible to recover from adult onset trauma, I believe I am doing so.

But perhaps I am always going to be vulnerable to further trauma because of various personality traits and perhaps because of my childhood.

Just something I want people to consider as it might be something that helps adult recovery and staying well after recovery.

[jamesG.1]

Interesting...

I would say that many of us have the conditions in place, the fault lines from childhood, but it takes the adult trauma to make things break. I was certainly prepared one way or another, pre-conditioned. The same people (mostly) carried out the trauma when it came, so there's that.

My feeling is that very few people don't have their own fracture lines, but whether or not those fractures get tested or not, is the issue. Personally, I feel certain my life could have been fine, if a little overshadowed at times by what was inherently wrong with my family, but it took the family to come charging back into my life when my mother became ill that really set my personal disaster on its way. Pre-weakened, pretty much sums it up.

[BeeKeeper]

Hello rainagain I've missed you!

My thought is that perhaps childhood trauma leaves a mark that allows adult cptsd to take hold.

My opinions are based on my beliefs in scientific studies, and evidence that the brain's neural pathways form differently for children who have been insecurely attached to their caregivers, subject to benign or intentional neglect, experience chronic maltreatment, etc. That being said, unless there was a period of time between childhood development and adulthood in which a loving comforting consistent presence changed those pathways, the (further) development of cPTSD is likely to be an inevitable outcome.

However, I do agree with JamesG.1 in that there are nuances and coping skills that can push the balance from wobbly to strong, and also in the reverse. And while we may think we're "home free" at certain points, life events we can't control reactivate and solidify all those wounds formed in childhood.

You make two significant statements:

it didn't feel too bad at the time.

Yes, I recognize this. and believe that as kids if we only experience life one way, we adapt to it. I remember when I was between 8-10 and I heard a girl I spent a lot of time with say: "My Mother is my best friend." That was my first clue to life being different that what I experienced. 

I have sort of moved on from the confused quiet horror I used to live with.

I'm not sure whether motion emoticons are appropriate, I think not. But if they were, I'd put in the  cheer and the applause. So happy to read you are out of the quiet horror. I know that territory too. Hugs, if it feels good and safe.

[Rainagain]

This might be the most important thread I have created in the years I have been posting  here.
I am pretty well convinced that adult cptsd comes from childhood trauma.
My childhood either set me up for cptsd later  in life or took away the tools I needed to avoid it.
Or my childhood may have precipitated my adult issues, like a wound which draws the sharks.
It is worth considering if cptsd is precisely the same if adult or child, there is actually no real difference.
I am not trying to invalidate anyone, my feeling is that we are all valid, just that our trauma happened at different times or was spread over different stages in our lives.

[Papa Coco]

Hi Rainagain,

I like your thoughts on this. I don't think you're invalidating anyone.

To me, C-PTSD and PTSD are both a sustained trauma response to a past traumatic event.

PTSD from adulthood
People who got PTSD later in life from a car crash remember what life was like prior to the crash. They remember the crash. Now when they are in a car and hear horns honking, they are triggered to grab the steering wheel and panic. In summary, they know who they were prior to the trauma. They know how they're different post-trauma. They know exactly what traumatic event caused them to change. They even know the date the accident happened. They know what triggers their responses and they know what their reactions are.  They still suffer, but they have a better chance of understanding why they suffer.

C-PTSD from childhood
Most of us who have Complex-PTSD didn't really have a car crash. We were children in abusive or neglectful situations. We didn't know a life prior to the trauma, so we can't compare who we were pre-trauma nor how we changed to who we became post-trauma. We didn't understand that we were being abused. We don't have an event or a date to pin the trauma to. We've spent our lives unable to identify what triggers us. We've also spent our lives not knowing why we react to life the way we do.

I agree with you that trauma is trauma, whether it happened in childhood or adulthood. Many symptoms are similar and so are many of the treatments. The biggest challenge for me is that because we had no "normal pre-trauma life" to compare our post trauma lives to, we just assumed we were born broken.

To us, we've always been like this and up until recently we didn't know why. That's why it's called Complex. The trauma was complicated. The timing of the trauma is complicated. Our triggers are complicated. Our reactions are complicated....

But I totally agree with you that no matter how or when or where the trauma changed us, we all deserve a chance to regain control over our lives now. So again, I don't think your statement was invalidating at all.

[Kizzie]

It is worth considering if cptsd is precisely the same if adult or child, there is actually no real difference.

It really is an important question Rain, because childhood abuse/neglect occurs during very distinct developmental stages whereas this is not the case in adulthood.  Many researchers and clinicians refer to childhood relational trauma as developmental trauma in fact.

I haven't read any research or articles about whether or not CPTSD is different in adults who went through childhood relational trauma and those who experienced it starting in adulthood.  I suspect this is because the diagnosis of Complex PTSD was only recognized as an official diagnosis in 2018; that is, the research hasn't quite caught up yet. 

What I think may be the important point for researchers & clinicians to pin down is whether or not survivors who suffer relational abuse as adults have the same 6 symptoms of Complex PTSD as those of us who went through relational trauma in childhood. It's important in terms of treatment, but also understanding how relational trauma affects us in general whether as a child or an adult.  In any case a more nuanced understanding of RT is important as we all know having been lumped together with those who have PTSD for so long.

[Laura666]

I know I am a little late to this thread but I have been struggling with this same question. I was very recently diagnosed with CPTSD. My original reason for pursuing therapy was that I have been experiencing a trauma response to some emotional abuse/infidelity/gaslighting in the relationship I have been in for six years.

A portion of the intake was a simple description of my family environment growing up and it was unavoidable to go into some specifics involving mental illness and neglect in my household  in childhood and adolescence.

The things I mentioned were just big parts of my life, I did not bring them up in the context of "trauma." But they are things that I know would meet the criteria. The thing is I don't remember being anything more than mildly disturbed or annoyed by them. Some incidents in my later adolescence I recall being extremely upset and panicked but I am able to process those feelings at appropriate times. I do not get overwhelmingly upset when I think about them, I can accept that they sucked but are over.

So why is it that something like a romantic relationship that is so trivial in comparison the thing that broke me? (Intrusive thoughts, nightmares, paranoia, physical reactions, re-experiencing, etc)

I worry that I may be a sociopath or something because my early experiences were shared with my siblings and a lot of them impacted them more than me. (My younger brothers and sisters were subjected to a far more advanced manifestation of a family member's mental illness and the environment by the time I moved out was multitudes more toxic than it was when I was their age.)  So this relationship is more difficult to process because it really hurts my ego? My feelings just got hurt and I can't handle it?

I've always had the less acute symptoms: low self esteem, helplessness, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, lack of focus or drive. But this complete lack of control over my own thoughts seems to be exclusive to my relationship stress. It's so hard to navigate this like nonlinear narrative and I really think it is important to identify what I need to focus on in the healing process.

Is there a way to gain clarity about this?

[Kizzie]

Just my thoughts Laura, but your childhood does sound like it involved a fair amount of relational trauma and that has set you up for being deeply triggered by what is happening in your adult life and romantic relationship.  I'm not a T but I sincerely doubt you're a sociopath because of your reactions to the emotional abuse/infidelity/gaslighting. Sociopaths inflict that kind of behaviour rather than are the targets of it.

The best suggestion I have regarding clarity is to keep talking about it here to figure things out, but also maybe consider help from a T.

[Laura666]

Just my thoughts Laura, but your childhood does sound like it involved a fair amount of relational trauma and that has set you up for being deeply triggered by what is happening in your adult life and romantic relationship.  I'm not a T but I sincerely doubt you're a sociopath because of your reactions to the emotional abuse/infidelity/gaslighting. Sociopaths inflict that kind of behaviour rather than are the targets of it.

The best suggestion I have regarding clarity is to keep talking about it here to figure things out, but also maybe consider help from a T.

Thank you, your response does make me feel a bit better. I started seeing a new therapist and she is very patient so I think that and this forum will help me figure things out.

[Dante]

I don't know if this is true or not, but I believe that just the ability to ask the question am I a sociopath (or am I a narcissist) probably implies you aren't. 

[Laura666]

I don't know if this is true or not, but I believe that just the ability to ask the question am I a sociopath (or am I a narcissist) probably implies you aren't.

That is a good insight, I'll have to store that into my psyche. Thanks!

[Kizzie]

Glad or responses are helpful Laura.     

Rainagain - just to bring this back around to your original post, I really think what you've posted below is likely very accurate:

My thought is that perhaps childhood trauma leaves a mark that allows adult cptsd to take hold....But maybe that is not correct, maybe my childhood left me with a vulnerability to adult trauma, or an inability to cope with stressful events which predisposed me toward cptsd as an adult.

And this was especially lovely to read

I have sort of moved on from the confused quiet horror I used to live with.