Insensitive In-Laws

[Deep Blue]

I feel both anger and nauseated as I write this:

My inlaws were joking last week about their daughter.  My sister in law lives overseas where it is quite cold.  A few years ago, she had a breakdown and was hospitalized.  Her husband felt he had no other choice.  He wanted to protect her from herself.

My inlaws had to fly overseas to help her and get her out of the hospital.  Last week they joked about it!!!!     They said, well next time our daughter has a breakdown, we don't want it to be in the middle of winter.

My husband and inlaws laughed! I was dumbfounded. How could they be that insensitive?!?!! Your daughter was in serious pain and luckily her husband had her best interest in mind.  She was very close to making a decision which would mean they would be flying overseas to her funeral, instead of to a hospital!

To make matters worse... I'm a freeze responder. I never said anything to them 

[Wattlebird]

People often joke about things in an insensitive way, I think it's there way of dealing with a painful situation, I think it's a type of denial, a way of minimising there own pain, try not to let it get to you, it just shows you that they don't know how to deal with it!
I'm sorry it must have been a strange experience for you if your not used to this way of dealing with issues like this, my family has always behaved like this, I know it's not from a lack of empathy (usually) but an emotional immaturity

[Deep Blue]

I do try to let it go most times wattlebird.  I think one of the reasons this time it bothered me was because I watched a poor lesson right in front of me. My inlaws and my husband.

It's so hard because my husband knows nothing of my struggle.  Seeing him be flippant about his own sister pushes me further into the closet about ever sharing my trauma, my SH, my SI or my CPTSD with him.

[Wattlebird]

Ow yeah that's hard, I understand better, it's sort of like a kick in the guts, a confirmation that they won't be understanding or sympathetic!
But that may not be true either, but that is how I would take it
If that makes sense?

[Wattlebird]

I just realised how concerned I was about my English skills because I know your a teacher, my inner critic 

[Deep Blue]

No worries wattlebird,
You never need to worry about your English with me.  You are exactly right! It was a kick in the gut. 

I've found that most trauma survivors are just more sensitive to other people's suffering.

[Blueberry]

  for you Deep Blue. This is how FOO goes on about me. It is like a kick in the guts. A kick when you're down. My FOO laughs in order not to feel or because they don't feel, or occasionally I think because of shame. They were feeling shame because of me and psychological issues. 

Confronting them has occasionally had an impact, made one or other rethink, but they don't change in the long-run. If you freeze, you freeze. Please don't feel bad about that. I think if your SIL ever notices you're a little on her side, that could do wonders for her. At least I feel a little buoyed to hear it from you.

[Deep Blue]

Thanks Blueberry,
That does make me a feel a little better.  I have spoken with my SIL about how she is treated by her mother.  The amount of body shaming she has put up with for years is totally unacceptable to me.   My husband at least knows that I will not tolerate him body shaming his sister.

I find those who dismiss mental illness very frustrating