Was this a cult?

[Lilfae]

This didn't happen when I was a child, but I hope it's okay I post this here anyway.  And I'm sorry for the long post.

Some years ago I joined a historical group, a group that prides themselves on retelling history and reliving it. To share knowledge of the trade and of stories to others.  When I contacted them I was told that if I joined them I would be able to to get to do courses of various kinds of handcrafts. I'm an artist, and I've always been creating things - so of course this was an allure to me.

Once I joined there was a prerequsite of things I'd have to do get done before I was a proper full member. Nothing big or serious, I needed to aquire a few things and learn how to make fire the old way. And then we had a big gathering every year, which would gather other likeminded groups from all over the country, and europe too for that matter. And during those gatherings you were set to work. Cook, clean, mend, first aid, be at everyones beck and call basically. If you did a good enough job you'd be rewarded with a free meal. The first year was wonderful. But slowly it started to change a bit. I was told stories about people who had left the group, and it had always been a big argument about it. And they were always at fault. The talking behind people's back started to be more and more visible. Even trash talking people within the group, if they didn't do good enough work. If they didn't voulenteer enough. It was trashtalking people who were sick and couldn't do physical labour because they too were physically sick, but they still did labour. Then they started testing me, asking me questions and regarding my answers. Checking me out, they would admit to this. And I never knew when the conversations I had with them were being judged or if I could talk honestly. I've always been careful around people, so this was nothing new. I stayed neutral. They would also start telling me people's secrets, private life matters. Things that didn't concern me at all, and things that I shouldn't be privy of knowing. It took me a while, because I felt special in a way to be in their confidence, but I realized they were more than most likely telling my secrets to everyone else. And I'll admit my paranoia has grown because of that.
They would tell me of past conflict and the voilence that had commenced and they weren't afraid to use it again if they felt it was justified. They would proudly tell people that once you're a member you're now a part of "the chosen family. The family that chose you, and whom you chose."
Then it was also checking up on me. Where was I, who was I with, what was I doing? If I could come out to them instead of doing whatever it was I was doing.
When my life became too busy that I could be around them all the time, I would get the jabs that I didn't do enough for the group. I needed to put in more effort. I didn't dare refuse.  I am not quite sure what it was that I was afraid of, but it was something. But then again I was traumatized before this, and later because of two members in this group. So I guess I was a weak victim easy for the picking.

With the big crisis in Europe with the syrian refugees it also became apparent how much of racist these people are. It scared me. I don't think they'd actually do anything, but their anger was burning hot, as was their fear. And I felt it unjustified - so I did my best to change the topics whenever that arose.

After I left them, I left them quietly. Without any word really. I got admitted to the psych. ward which they knew and they let me be for that. But I never let them know I had gotten out. I just stopped answering text messages and facebook messages. I was terrified, I was petrified they'd show up on my door and demand an explanatioin. I'm conflict shy, to that degree I grew seriously paranoid about this. It took them about 8 months before they called me. I picked up the phone. And they told me that I had been observed at the bus. Which of course sent me into a whole new paranoia. And a few months later than that they sent me an innocent text asking how I was doing - which I considered a soft threat. It wasn't threatening, and I know that. But the implications of it if I reached out. But if I didn't answer I'd be rude, and then maybe they'd come knocking at my door again. I went straight back into paranoia mode, and my GP seriously considered admitting me to the psych ward again.

Anyway, a friend of mine who were not involved in this group said she felt they were kind of cultish, but she didn't dare tell me that at the time. And I've wondered afterwards, are they cultish? Or were it simply a very toxic, controlling environment?  Or neither at all, just me who were too overwhelmed and easily frightened?

[Liminality]

Your experience sounds very frightening. I wouldn't feel comfortable putting a label on them as I have no experience with cults, but they were definitely very controlling and manipulative of you, and I'm so glad you managed to get out. Don't have much energy to say more right now. Warm thoughts your way.

[Three Roses]

I am not comfortable putting a label on them either, but it does seem at the very least there were some serious boundary violations, which can wreak havoc on our internal landscape. More on boundary violations - http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=1911

[Bungle]

The word 'cult' has been misappropriated by the media (its' actual definition is simply a religious sect with its' own set of rituals/philosophy,) but what you are describing there is definitely a high pressure/manipulative situation which you did very well to escape

The good thing about these scenarios is, more often than not, you will be forgotten very quickly (or become one of the people 'at fault' for leaving,) which leaves you free to continue your life without disturbance!


Have you heard of the BITE model? It may help you put your experience with the group into a bit of perspective. I read things like this in order to finally break free of the new religious movement/yoga group I was introduced to: (EDIT 2: This link specifically mentions traumatic tactics employed by NRMs, definite trigger warning) http://old.freedomofmind.com/Info/BITE/bitemodel.php

Be well

EDIT: To answer your last question, my opinion is that 'cult' in its' modern interpretation, and 'highly toxic and manipulating group' are pretty much interchangable terms.
If you'd have persisted with trying to accommodate their demands you may well have been introduced to some philosophy/occult 'knowledge' which would need to be kept 'secret,' in exchange for more of your soul, which would make it seem more like a religious movement or what the media calls a cult.

That said... Some things are better left unknown I admire your strength for getting out of that situation!!!