Finding it very difficult, if not impossible, to remove myself from the abuse

[Starzzz]

Hi- I am new to the forum and website and am here looking for some supportive words and advise.

My situation is very difficult and I often wonder how I ever even got into it in the first place. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage for 6 years and with one child. I was a stay at home mother to my son for the first 5 years of his life and dedicated everything to him. Once he started school he started to have behavioral and social difficulties. My ex had more money than me and promised he would help by placing our son in a private school. He never did this and it was all lies and manipulation tactic to steal my son from me.

My son has high functioning autism/ asbergers/ tic disorder. My ex is denying all of it. My ex has isolated me from my son and entire family. He is making my life * every single day because I desire to be in my son's life. He has financially destroyed me, destroyed me emotionally and has turned my son against me. I am fighting in court to try and get my son back but the harder I fight the more he makes my life *.

I don't see how I can ever distance myself unless I give up everything including my precious child that I devoted my life to!

I have been in therapy but have not found one single therapist yet that I have clicked with. The last one made me feel worse than before. This is just the beginning of my journey to try and heal.

If anyone can share any thoughts with me as to their experiences or advice it would be very much appreciated.

Thank you kindly!

[AphoticAtramentous]

I'm sorry to hear about this, Starzzz. :S It all sounds like a big nightmare, and I'm really wishing you luck in getting out of that icky situation.
I don't have much advice to give though sorry. Just want to say; Welcome to the forum. And I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

[ah]

Hi Starzzz, welcome!

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Sounds like your ex is just like my parents and many people I unfortunately met as an adult. There are people who just thrive on being sadistic, their form of abuse is covert, and it's often directed at those closest to them without anyone suspecting such atrocious behavior is even imaginable, but it is. Family courts don't realize it so they often side with the abuser, often therapists are unaware of how insidious and vicious this type of emotional abuse can be so they too can be blind to what's really going on. I know because I met many therapists, social workers and just general folk who had no idea what was really happening in my life behind closed doors.

I've recently begun reading about it. I'm new here too... there's a huge, excellent list of resources here on the site. I personally especially find these books helpful:
Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse / Shannon Thomas
POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse / Shahida Arabi.

It isn't easy finding therapists who know what psychological abuse is. I've personally started to accept that I have to do my best to educate myself. Sadly, society doesn't really acknowledge this type of violence yet but you can look up emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, psychological abuse 'etc. online and on youtube.

You're right, it's so tricky in such a situation, you can't just distance yourself completely from your ex. Your situation is so much messier than that. All of the behaviors you described are very typical of this sort of hidden abuse. The worst part of it, for me, has always been how isolating it is and that you feel you're crazy. Well, you're not.

Feel free to pm me here. I've sadly met people like your ex over and over, so I'm glad to help if I can. Or at least try. Or if I can't then witness the * that you're going through. No one should go through a solitary *. You're not alone.

I'm glad you found this site. Welcome!