What Do Your EF's Feel Like? Part 2

[woodsgnome]

a_bunny asked:  "Does any of this sound familiar?"

Unfortunately, all of it does. The encouraging part is recognizing the ef's when they happen and/or shortly thereafter. The discouraging side includes the repetitive nature of the reactions/symptoms, not to mention the unexpected triggers that might emerge on short notice. In my case, it makes me want to hide and never come out again  .

[Blueberry]

Recently I managed to recognise an EF before it really hit, so I was able to head it off. My T said that would come sometime. That's encouraging too.

if you like, woodsgnome

[Boatsetsailrose]

I agree woodsgnome.
And the repetitive nature of it doesn't even make it easier ...it feels like the first time all over again. Then when I'm out of it (can take days to stabilise) i feel like it will never happen again .....until the next time that is ..
Yes blueberry being able to manage before full blow is very encouraging

[Blueberry]

I think I'm back in a different EF though. I don't even really want to take the steps to get out of it. Oh well. Wanting to will come again.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Blueberry i can understand that ...being our own nurse when we are the patient makes no sense at all...
Small steps to.self.love

[Blueberry]

Thanks for validation and encouragement Boatssetsail 

[Marianne]

I feel a little frightened talking about this.

[Marianne]

Never mind. 15151515

[MarkTheRobot]

For me it's the feeling that I am about to come under attack or I am in danger. That I have to protect myself and/or justify my actions to infinity. My back feels super bruised and it's hard to move my body. My heart rate jumps. My breathing gets ragged like I'm jogging. I break into a cold sweat. Tears stream from my eyes but I'm not physically sobbing. I feel terrified that I am going to be abandoned but I also have a primal need to distance myself from everyone. My outer critic is on hyperdrive. My inner critic is vicious.
I am so happy that I see these EF for what they actually are. I'm not crazy, I'm traumatized.

[Blueberry]

One I've only just realised is an EF: When I think I have no goals and even have nothing left to live for plus a feeling of absolute desperation.

Having written that, maybe I'll recognise it next time it crops up.

[Blueberry]

One I've only just realised is an EF: When I think I have no goals and even have nothing left to live for plus a feeling of absolute desperation.

Having written that, maybe I'll recognise it next time it crops up.

This has become a common EF for me. I stay in bed a lot or go back to bed. I don't eat or I just eat junk. I don't drink enough water etc. I don't turn up to where I said I would. Doing anything demands a whole lot of energy.

[bardic]

I'm having trouble putting to words explaining what my EF sounds like to me lately 😵�💫

Physical ones
- Physical activations without relevant memories, usually after waking up. Very easy for me to mistake as "cortisol wakes a human up after sleeping" or "what is wrong with me?!"
- Bracing inwardly whenever I feel discomfort (as I was punished or criticized/gaslit for feeling, let alone reporting, discomfort)
- Shortness of breath & muscle weakness in situations that invoke the faint response despite regularly working out
- Overexcitability, being unable to discharge activations. Easy to mistake as "overthinking" despite the physical element sometimes extending beyond my emotional investment in it.

Relational ones
- Reflexive obligation to manage other people's discomfort/meltdown with uncertainty because others' rigidity against uncertainty have been taken out against me
- Overexplaining because of repeated patterns of people deliberately being unwilling to understand or accommodate me as a form of power play, so clarity & care depend entirely on my fluency
- Or on the opposite: backing down from providing context because others' disagreeing or doubting is enough "proof" that I must have somehow not been accurate, despite neither reasoning being grounded in facts I already know & experienced firsthand. And sometimes despite the conversation being tonally neutral.