Squeak from the shadows

[clarity]

Hi all

Brief intro as I havent the energy to recount much yet...just so knee bendingly relieved to find this info and website. 
Have been in state of denial about FOO, especially mother(covert narc) for past 5 years,(when I realised her narcisissm explained everything) giving her benefit of the doubt that coverts are so brilliant at creating.
Birthday horrors woke me up again and for the first time, I found the cptsd definition. Breaks my heart that its been around for so long and I didn't know.  Am self isolating in the extreme and had thought I was a bona fide recluse...all the while being a loving daughter while mother drained me dry. (Is there another word for a mother that doesn't?!!? It seems wrong to defile it by honouring them with it!) Its disgusting and shocking to see the light.  So feel like a plant thats been trying to grow in the dark...all white, weak and spindly.  Already dealt with narc siblings by detaching and N/C two years ago.... now have to face the harder test.  I am her main source of supply...thank the heavens for this forum and people who understand exactly what I am talking about. 
Thankyou xx

[Elphanigh]

Welcome Clarity 

I am so glad you found this place. It has been such a source of support and knowledge for me, and I am sure you will find the same here. It sounds like you have done a lot of the hard work by going NC with your siblings, that is difficult. I am sorry that your mother would put you through any harm. I am currently dealing with he fact my family was abusive as well, not extensively but enough it affect the rest of the abuse I went through. I can feel your pain with that complicated mess to an extent.

It sounds like you are knowledgable and on a great path for yourself. I hope you continue to post, and find all the wonderful things I know this forum is capable of.

Hugs and and lots of comforting warmth if you want them 

[Kizzie]

Glad you found your way here too Clarity, welcome     I answered another of your posts about being the child of a covert NPDM,  but wanted to add that by the time I went LC with my cNPDM I knew the strategies she would use to create guilt (   ), and had my own strategies in place for dealing with that (check out all the tools at our sister site Out of the Fog).

I also knew that being an N she would find other sources of N supply if I held my ground, and she did.  She made it rough going I won't kid you and I had to fight the guilt (so well trained!), until one day she did something so preposterous I just burst into laughter and that seemed to drain all the guilt from me.

So hang in there in going LC or NC, it does get better if you stick to it and have some tools to help.   

[Wife#2]

Welcome! I am another survivor of a covert narc mother. I was her main supply until I married over a dozen years ago. I knew things weren't right, but that had mainly been my brother and sister sharing their wisdom with me. They gave me language to help me cope when I could feel the not-right-ness of what she did.

Still, from 13 to 36, I was her primary source, primary supporter, friend, confidant, center of her world. I thought I could save her (she is damaged in her own right by her overt narc mother and weak father). I thought I could be enough to make it all better for her and she'd finally get the help she needed and be the loving mother I always wanted. The mother my friends all thought her to be. Sometimes, she'd appear to be to me as well, and that kept me at her side.

Because I was so well trained, I married a man almost exactly like her. So, from the frying pan into the fire. Of course, they clash, each feeling they have a stronger claim to my loyalty (read that to mean narc supply source).

This website has been a mainstay to my recovery. Here, we are believed. Here, we are respected. Here, we are treated with dignity and kindness.

We welcome you to this forum. You have found a safe place to be yourself. To discover who that is, if you need that part of the journey. We hope to hear more from you. Welcome!

[clarity]

Thanks so much wife#2 ....

Am so glad and encouraged by your post...