Thank Goddess a support network like this exists

[Neptune]

Hi, am kinda in the thick of an unexpected episode and it will take a bit of time before I can get psych support so I decided to hop online to see what support is available, et voila... I won't go into detail yet, but the trauma I experienced was sustained in a work situation for about 14 years (teaching children with severe emotional & behavioural disorders - power abuse from the school's principals)... It has been 8 years since leaving the school, utterly burnt out and over this time I have tried and tried to heal and be "normal", but the journey has been like a slowly unravelling snake involving episodes of varying intensity but with growing awareness each time... The awareness helps with just standing back and observing this pain, watching it as sensations and thus less fear, escapism & delusion than in earlier experiences...

This episode was creeping up for about a week then last night just completely tipped me over the edge... I was having a marathon of watching Orange is the New Black season 4 and it explored how living day in, day out in a dysfunctional environment changes the lives of everyone forever... There were many scenes that were just so similar to what I experienced...

The feeling in me now is like electricity surging through my body, I can even hear electricity in my head - it won't stop... It is the same as the fear that was regularly experienced but I was told to repress... I was expected to "soldier on" and given no therapeutic support, in fact, I was often subjected to mind games and manipulations by the principals... I don't really want to talk about it all just now though...

This will pass eventually

Thanks, Neptune

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi Neptune
Glad u are here
I can relate to work related trauma, mine was different but challenging non the less and it impacts us hey ! I went off work in Jan with collapse and burn out
It's good your going to get some help

Yep emotional triggers are a key to understanding what is not helpful ..
I suggest reading pete walkers website a lot of us make ref to it here and it may help u to understand triggers and the psychological processes that can happen for us ...
Physical exercise helps me and being in nature - find things that can help calm your energy system and be kind to your self just now

[Neptune]

Thank you 

I just had a look at Pete's website and yes, a lot a very helpful information there... I've been working with my psychologist for about 3 or 4 years now, and I can see how she has guided me to unpack the terror of identifying with the flashback... I now have the skills to just acknowledge that an episode is just an amygdala hijacking (LOVE THAT!!!) and with awareness the experience tends to be briefer...

And nature is a solace, for sure... When I walked out of that job 8 years ago, I just packed the car and drove into the solitude of bush, mountains, rivers... I am now a gypsy and my life is mostly spent in lovely natural locations...

[Boatsetsailrose]

Wonderful to hear ...

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Neptune     Glad to hear nature helps calm you, there is a lot of soothing needed with CPTSD.  All the EFs, stress, stuffing down of trauma feelings and memories, etc., is hard on us so if you've found something that works, great!