Just found Out of the Storm

[Lula]

Hello everyone,
Today I joined Out of the Fog and while reading some articles I realized that Out of the Storm would be a good place for me. I have a tortured past: imo, both of my parents are narcissists-my mom a covert and my dad malignant. My sister is malignant as is her husband and daughter. I then married a sociopath and had 3 kids with him. I've been an abused scapegoat all my life (physical and psychological abuse with a bit of sexual abuse too). I then worked at a job for 28 years where narcissists were common, it is a job of high authority which those types are drawn to. I gave raising my kids my all--too much of my all really--and helped my daughter deal with her father's severe emotional abuse. Well now I realize she is a narcissist too and has joined my family and my ex (they have always been close-big surprise) to abuse me more. She tells my son lies about me, etc etc. I was even physically assaulted by my neice a few hours after speaking at my uncle's funeral. This arose the wrath of my jealous evil sister is why. I could go on for hours here. Now I do a lot for myself and have a few close friends but I am sad, often depressed, and feel pretty terrrible. I know I have C-PTSD. I'm starting a mediation class next week. I recently lost a good friend because she said I should be there for my daughter. I can't deal with the shoulds and ought tos after my brutal life. I am afraid of friends turning on me and a future partner doing so as well. Fear is a big part of my life and I want the fear to go away. Thank you for reading.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Lula! We're glad you're here.

Your story is all too familiar here. What a feeling of being surrounded that must be. And yes, friends often don't get it. ("Being there" for a narcissist is like trying to be there for a swarm of wasps.) We refer to this as secondary wounding, when people respond to us by either making us feel ashamed or blaming us for the abuse. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

However, a growing number of people are becoming aware of Cptsd and the issues surrounding it that we face daily. I think you would find lots of comfort from watching some of Richard Gannon's youtube videos. Here's a link to one, but there are lots there under Spartan Life Coach. https://youtu.be/2rzvoKbZXZg

So pull up a chair and join us. We do get it, we have lived it. We will understand.

[Lula]

ThreeRoses,

Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful response! Its great to know that someone, or a group of people, gets it. I appreciate your comment about secondary wounding as I had not heard that term used. I get that from one sibling and a cousin--as well as my now former best friend. That one sibling is the only non-narcissist other than me in my family but since he too has little empathy I have only sporadic contact with him and his wife; unfortunately I think about them and their lighter scapegoating every day and that is why I am joining a meditation group that starts next week (I have a lot of trouble doing it on my own).

I have watched some of Richard Gannon's videos and think he is terrific! I also like Meredith Miller, who I had a skype session with. After listening to me she advised No Contact which I have implemented. Unfortunately I still am court ordered to have contact with the worst of the lot, my ex-husband, a few times a year for next 3 years or so as it relates to court ordered college payment communication (the horror).

I do feel that I need to take 100% responsibility for my life. I have just begun this new journey of taking care of myself. Each day is pretty tough right now though.

Best wishes,
Lula