New Here :)

[Lumpers]

Hi I'm Lumpers

I'm a 47 male (on paper)

I wrote a long intro and erased it when I was very triggered at the end

It's very hard for me to trust especially in a forum with mixed genders.

I'm very well read on all matters Trauma and understand that Emotional Neglect and Abuse can be just as severe as the rest of them.

I suffer greatly from seizures, convulsions, PTSD , and severe dissociation. All are well recognized expressions of very serious childhood abuse especially CSA. aka Complex Trauma.

Disorganized Attachment, Conversion Disorder, Chronic PTSD, Dissociative Disorder, Developmental Trauma Disorder, etc all describe my current life.

I have been drinking since age ten as an effective way of coping with what began starting at 9 months old. I had to stop a few years ago due to far too many black outs. I black out sober now.

I have gone to great lengths to try and even be assessed for all these crippling symptoms that now have me on SSD and has been a futile waste of time and usually left me worse off due to lack of trauma informed education on the behalf of the "Experts". I am beyond wits end.

Having read up so much on Attachment, Childhood Sexual, Physical, Emotional, Psychological Abuse, Dissociative Disorders,  the Developmental adaptations a small child's brain grows in response to these conditions as well as the bounty of seemingly random somatic expressions and learning disabilities too, I suppose it's a wonder I wasn't crippled with these seizures or died of liver failure years earlier.

Interpersonal relationships and the compulsion to repeat the trauma...always and throw in "Emotional Dis-regulation" of course. Constant PTSD Flash backs that grow by the day and send me down the catatonic rabbit hole drooling into nothingness while trying to cross a busy street or shopping...is par for the course.

The "Good Ole Days" of just Toxic Shame, self hatred, Helplessness, Hopelessness, Rage, an Emotional Wreck, and struggling to just function well enough at work seem trivial to me now.

How far does a person have to go to even get an assessment, to get Diagnosed so that one can begin to find someone experienced in the worst forms of Complex Trauma?

[PaintedBlack]

Hi Lumpers,
I am a 47 Female (also on paper /wink)
I'm new here too and about to make an intro post, I too have been struggling with it.

Just wanted to say welcome, your frustration and hard work (life's mission) of making sense of your life comes through beautifully in your post, and I can definitely relate.  I have so much compassion for you, both what you've been through, and that you have struggled so hard and not given up, to find healing and meaning in the misery that is development in a dysfunctional family.

Just recently, in the past few years, I have begun to make progress in my own healing: often slow, occasionally in huge, glorious spurts.  Any progress at all is monumental compared to what I had ever hoped for (nothing), so I am thankful and I have a new understanding of the potential for healing.  My hope is, that this gives you some hope also.

Be seein' you around here.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS Lumpers. I'm glad that you were able to post despite it being triggering for you. It can be difficult to reveal yourself, to put down in black and white all that you struggle with ....but you have done it and that's a big step forward.   

Do you have an informed/supportive physician who can help you to find a knowledgeable psychologist?  There are various database for locating therapists on your own that may be helpful - here are a few I'm using (currently looking for a trauma trained T as well):

• Psychology Today - https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/?tr=Hdr_Brand
• Good Therapy - http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html
• RateMD - https://www.ratemds.com

There are also generally national and provincial/state level associations for psychologists that have searchable DBs. 

Not everyone here has been diagnosed, they just know as you do they have CPTSD and that this is the right place for them to be. 



   

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi
Not sure which country I are ..
Here in the UK cptsd is not diagnosed as it doesn't appear in diagnostic manual
Other diagnosis are such as attachment disorder etc

I had many yrs of private therapy and it helped to a certain extent
I came across cptsd last year and was coming off anti dep at the time and struggling - I was advised by my gp to self refer to lift psychology here in the West Country and had a telephone assessment where I said that I seem to fit into a post trauma framework .. Following that assess I was offered the senior therapist at the service who is a specialist child trauma and works with a integrated approach from different styles .. She has been brilliant and I feel v grateful to have worked with her - my experience has been that she is the therapist I was looking for all along but didn't know it -
I know what it's like to feel desperate and feeling alone with symptoms and for me finding a name for it I can now see was a big step in getting the right help so know that it's hopeful that you are in a better position to get the treatment you need -
With the age of the Internet much is at our disposal
People with these symptoms need specialist help and I always said I wouldn't stop until I was free - I am 42 now and finally feel I am on a better path with some real hope of my freedom  -
Yes I would suggest talking with a medic in the first instance go armed with the knowledge u have gained and how it fits your current experience -
I wish u all the best on the next part of your recovery

[Boatsetsailrose]

Another thing that I did was anyone who had written a book or who had a website on cptsd I e mailed them and asked for any therapy they knew about - Google 'child trauma therapy ' for where u live and / or contact any mental health services ( voluntary or statutory ) etc to find out what they can help
With - any local support group in your area where u can talk about your mental health symptoms -