A Letter to my PTSD [TW: Monster/Beast-like imagery]

[Luma1123]

I can see you now.

At first, I couldn't. You made a home in my head, a burrow along my veins, tapping into my nerves and driving me as you saw fit.

Then, I could feel you.

I could feel you, drinking away my blood, stealing away my energy, wrenching away my comfort and safety like palm trees uprooted and tossed about in a tsunami, only to be discovered after the floodwaters ebb, revealing the devastated landscape beneath. I could feel you, and I knew that you were not Of Me. You were In Me, a desperate parasite twisting what used to keep me safe into what keeps me caged. I could feel you, and I became angry.

And now, I can see you.

A shadow in my peripherals. A slavering breath at my neck, teeth hovering with menace over my spine. It's still fuzzy, but the shape of you is clearer than ever before. And I am angry, filled with a voracious and gnawing hunger for a life denied to me for decades. My grief is a cannonball weight, hanging from my wrists and shoulders and heart. But hope keeps the fires of my determination alive.

And now, I can see you.

I'm not afraid of the fight that's coming. Oh, it will hurt. It will cost. There will be days I can't leave my home, or make myself speak. Days where the lightning overwhelms my system, and my only refuge is silence and static.

But I am hungry.

I will have what was denied to me,

I will have joy again.

I will destroy you, weaken you, tame you, chain you. You won't get to control me again.

Do you understand?

I can see you now.

[Luma1123]

On a barely related note, I think I could be an amazing supervillain in a play or a movie, if called to do so 🤣

[Blueberry]

Very evocative Luma. Hopeful too.

I wish you well in your recovery, the fulfillment of those "I will..."  Step by little step of course. But there is such power and energy in what you write! I am sure that will help!