Wearing clothing or jewelry

[Alexandra]

Hello ;Due to extreme physical abuse , which  I think is best not to go into ,given this group you will understand , I have to be so so careful, about what I wear , so as to not feel anxious, I can not wear button down shirts , scarves, or any type of jewelry, I can not even wear a watch, I only do so when needed, there are certain colors, I avoid ,as well, colors my so-called mother wore , very oddly the apartment was painted turquoise, just seeing this color gives me an anxiety attack,and I only wear pants .It makes it hard to buy clothes ,sigh.  Do any of you folks have this issue ? Thank You

[zen_racer]

Alexandra, at first I was going to say no.  That I don't have any issues with clothing.  But then I thought about button up shirts.  I just did a google search on how they're supposed to fit, and those are an issue for me.  My M would always make sure button up shirts were way too tight in the collar, enough to make it hard to breathe and to where I couldn't move or turn my head because they were so tight.  If I have to wear one, I get one with a collar size that generously oversized these days, and generally refuse to wear one unless there's a specific need like a wedding or an interview.

I'm sorry that you have issues with clothing and jewelry like that.  It's just another way life is limited because of what we went through and didn't deserve.

[Kizzie]

I don't have any issues Alexandra but I am sorry to hear you do. Sadly abuse leaves indelible marks on us that are difficult to deal with as you've found. I do hope as you recover you will feel more at ease and less triggered/uncomfortable/anxious about these things. It can happen - things that used to trigger me have reduced as I've recovered and they are far less intense. 

[NarcKiddo]

 

Clothes were a huge source of misery for me as I grew up due to M being the authority on everything I wore until the age of 16 and her choices made me squirm. M loses no opportunity to make a snide comment. I used to dress for her approval well into adulthood, but am fortunate not to have any physical abuse associations. I do hope your triggers around clothing decrease and that buying clothing becomes less problematic. They do say buying clothing should be fun, and I have to say I have never found it such.

[Hope67]

Hi Alexandra,
For me, I find it very difficult to wear dresses or skirts, so I tend to stick to trousers and jeans.  I've also gone through phases of sticking to certain colours, but this does vary more now. 

[Gromit]

Oh my, I do still Have preferences for clothing which stem from childhood. I grew up in an era of hand me downs or home made clothing. I hate elasticated waists, puff sleeves and pink, as my mother loved pink. She made me a pink coat once which somebody bullied me about.

G

[Blueberry]

I can relate, it has got a lot better though during all my years of therapy and self-work.

Wearing trousers used to be very triggering but fine now. Although I do wear dresses and skirts, nothing revealing or particularly feminine, if that makes sense.

[Alexandra]

Hello Gromit, how interesting , my so-called mother's favorite color was pink, I was not allowed to call her mother, I had to call her pink. My top priority is to feel safe, I only wear clothes that I feel safe wearing .

[zen_racer]

My M at one point tried to force me to CHOOSE to wear pink.  I was a boy, in high school.  She tried every manipulation trick she could think of for a really long time.  "It would prove how masculine you are."  I finally got her to stop by responding with "You know what would prove my masculinity better than wearing pink?  Not letting my mom pick out my clothes."  I think I also used profanity and dared her to hit me again.  That was around the time when she realized she couldn't physically overpower me anymore.  I was also barely old enough that I had a job with a youth permit, specifically for things like that.  She had threatened that she just wouldn't buy me any clothes then, and I told her "Good.  I have a job, I'll buy my own."