I don't even know what this is

[dollyvee]

Hi Blueberry,

Good work for spending time with this part.

I'm finding that I have "go-haywire" parts too (though I find haywire difficult as it was something I was called growing up  and know it as something wrong/bad). I've been learning that there's "feelings," or body sensations really, that are associated with these and a lot of the time they're so automatic and ingrained because, as t suggested, they're from such a young age, which makes them difficult for me to "pick out."

Sending you support,
dolly

[Kizzie]

It seems like a sign of health that you call this part by the name Blue BB.  It sounds to me that doing this means the part is integrated and not some weird part you'd rather see gone or that is dissociated from you. 

[Blueberry]

Oh, you're right Kizzie it is! And with this Part integrated, having been able to take form (I have an image of her and it's nothing like what Go-Haywire was) and have her say, all those fears of that particular non-integrated part taking over are gone. The name Blue is not actually connected to Blueberry, Blue doesn't know about the forum, it's not within her world, I'm not holding it from her, she's just not interested.

Thank you for your support, dollyvee. I'm sorry you're triggered by my word usage. I'm actually translating because I always talked about the non-integrated part in the local language, never English, still I want a translation that feels appropriate so that down the line, I recognise what this post was about. Blue doesn't like the name Go-Haywire either, tho she's not triggered, she's just sad about the way she had to act to make me take note.

[Blueberry]

Sometimes I re-read my old threads.

Reading the final post here - I can't believe I wrote that less than a year ago. It does show me I have made real progress since last fall which I can feel when I read the post! It helps me believe that dipping back into EFs might be a way to avoid going too far into something.

Re-reading old threads again and landed here.

It's an apt thread for me atm. Reminding me how difficult it is for me to write. And there are so many things to write atm, some harmless-seeming like Wedding Congrats to the daughter and now son-IL of good friends in town, so nothing to do with FOO. I do know their daughter and have met her H a couple of times, and she won't be offended or something that my card will be on the late side, since her own parents are rather disorganised too... But I guess none of that cognitive stuff is the reason for my stalling anyway.

ETA: Plus there are some much harder things to write, maybe they're on my Mbr journal.

I don't feel triggered with any of the intensity I wrote about further up this thread, I just feel sluggish and depressed, but that still could be my internal way of dealing with 'not-writing' in order to prevent myself getting too close to the furnace, or going in too deep.

She calls herself Blue, not Go-Haywire, so I call her Blue too or think of her as Blue. When I think of her, the image I had of her in therapy is more sad and tired than anything else, certainly not crazy!

Sad and tired, as I wrote here would fit more my feeling sluggish and depressed than the intensity explained further up the thread that I used to feel.
In fact, it took me a good few minutes to remember the original name for Go-Haywire, with the name being descriptive and not in  English. I remember now so noting for self: Dd-T. But that Part transformed into Blue.

So, also reminding myself that Should is NEVER good for me! Self-acceptance wherever I am is the name of the game. My current T reminds me of this all the time. I looked for a translation of the word he uses - it could be 'self-directed' or 'self-determined', or 'self-determination'. There are some possible translations without 'self' but I think that word is important. Of course, I understand without needing a translation myself but I can no longer decide which word to use to help others understand.

[Hope67]

Self-acceptance - that is ...can't think of the word I'd like to say.  But it's important. 

I really appreciated reading what you wrote here Blueberry, as it brought some things to mind that I'd like to explore in my own journal.  Sending you a hug 

[Blueberry]

Thank you Hope