Love

[Alexandra]

Hello ; I have read posts regarding love, we learn about love from our primary care givers, it is our template for what love is, if we are abused ,or neglected , or love was used as a weapon, by our caregivers , of course, why be vulnerable to love,love means pain  it is much too scary, it can feel safer to not want  to be loved. What I started out doing  was to love , myself I  thought of all the ways I wished I had been loved ,and did them for myself, and if I had trouble doing it, I thought of how I would treat someone I loved, and treated my self in those ways. it helped me , to feel open to love, from others. Just a thought .

[Kizzie]

That is such a good strategy Alexandra and I'm glad it helped you!      

When I started recovery I had to look to others to see what love, good parenting, healthy relationships, etc., looked like and try those out since I had no role models in my family. It helped immensely.

The flip side worked well for me also. When I would hear my inner critic I would compare myself to peoples' behaviour that was truly negative, hurtful, selfish, etc., and it was then I realized I was not the bad person my ICr made me out to be. 

[Alexandra]

Hello Kizzie; Years ago, when I was in therapy, my therapist gave , me a wonderful, piece of advice, " to reverse very thing my so-called mother said about me, what she said was true of her,, not me". It has been a challenging to follow ,however ,it has been very helpful to me, so I thought, I would pass it along.