Therapy

[Alexandra]

Hello ; I appreciate therapy. I have had a good therapist, I have done things like gained insight, into C-PTSD, understanding, of the mechanisms of the abuser ,and worked on things like self care, self esteem, etc. however, therapy feels clinical to me, while this is fine for a medical issue, I had knee replacement, the surgeon, hospital staff ,were good,the PT was very good,I diligently  did my exercises , it was all clinical, which I excepted . Somehow I thought therapy would be more personal, trauma, and  feelings, do not fit into neat 45 min. segments, I learned to be very sure to only discus, what would fit into a session.

[BK]

Hi Alexandra,
I totally get what you mean when you say that therapy has felt clinical. This is something I have detested over the years seeing psychologists and psychiatrists. At times I have wanted to say to the person "treating" me- "you know I am a human being with feelings, not a specimen, or something to be diagnosed and fixed!". Because many experiences have felt clinical to me, it made me feel like, and added to the belief that there was something inherently wrong with me- which was very damaging at times, though I know it was not always intended. And yes, I hate having to check on the time because I have to fit my feelings within a certain time frame- this is not real life for me and feels very contrived. This is just my experience, but I have found trained Counsellors, compared to psychologists or psychiatrists, to be more focused on feelings and the actual person in front of them. I am not saying every counsellor would be like this, and I am sure there are some psychologists and psychiatrist who may be like this, but I find and have experienced that counsellors are trained in a more person centred approach and are about holding the person and their feelings and experiences. Whereas psychologists and psychiatrists, I believe and have experienced, come more from a place that something is wrong with someone and it needs diagnosing and "fixing".  Saying that, I have still found it very hard to find a therapist who I gel with and meets my needs, and I think they are few and far between.
Have you had similar experiences as mine with psychologists, psychiatrists vs. counsellors?
Thanks for sharing

[Alexandra]

Hello BK ; I did not realize the difference, I have found a very good counselor ,to speak with, I speak with her for 1 hour, somehow, 1 hour works better for me to express the trauma, the symptoms I deal with , and my feelings about it rather than 45 mins. the extra 15 mins. makes a difference for me, perhaps with C-PTSD, it is good to do both therapy and counseling, I have learned valuable things from therapy .

[dollyvee]

I might be at the other end of the spectrum here, but I had a psychologist and in the end I actually liked having the reminder about the 50min time restriction. I had two psycholosist, one was more strict about time, and the other not so strict about time, and for me, it felt better to have that boundary and reminder about time. I think it gave me a sense of safety because often I wasn't allowed to have boundaries growing up. In the beginning, I felt like it was maybe cutting me adrift, or not caring, but came to see that allowing me to be my own person, and also showing me that they needed to have their own boundaries (something that didn't happen in an enmeshed household) was productive I think.

I hope you find the right kind of therapist for you Alexandra. Perhaps too, they're not going deep enough into attachment work, trauma work, or they could just not be the right therapist for you?

Sending you support,
dolly

[Alexandra]

Hello ; Thank you both to BK and Dollyvee, for you input,you are right therapists need boundaries, after all ,they have many clients, somehow 1 hour just works better for me than 45 mins.I felt scared to mention, that I had critical feelings about therapy ,frankly  I have found therapy somewhat intimidating  , I am not sure just how personal a relationship between a client and therapist is supposed to be, what are the rules, since you folks have experience, please let me know.

[dollyvee]

That's ok Alexandra. There's no set format, but I think it's good to go off of what makes you feel comfortable and to be in a position where you feel like you can discuss that with the therapist ie what is and is not comfortable for you to talk about/why you might feel that way etc. It took me about two years I think to open up with my EMDR t.

I've ended a couple of therapeutic relationships because the direction things were going in wasn't comfortable and didn't feel like my viewpoint about why it wasn't comfortable was considered, or what I needed wasn't taken in to account. That's not to say that therapuetic relationships should be comfortable --they're meant to push you out of your comfort zone, but I guess it helps to look at these things when they come up and why you might feel that way, and if it's reasonable what the therapist is asking.

I wonder if you can define personal? Perhaps there's a trust barrier coming up with your therapist? And maybe there's good reason for mistrust or if it's just "old stuff?" I wonder if it's also perhaps that you're seeing someone who is CBT focused and not a trauma therapist?

[Alexandra]

Hello Dollyvee; What does CBT mean? actually, I have had three therapists , I left the first two because, they did not understand C-PTSD , one actually told me I was " wallowing in the past", sigh, it took me time to get the third therapist to understand about C-PTSD, I had to convince her of the issues , she did become sympathetic , so we could work together I learned a lot, that has helped me , all three therapists told me that they had not experienced violence themselves , I guess it is human nature people only understand something, if it happens to them.Well, it would be nice if the therapist knew what I was dealing with to start with, and frankly, if I have a nightmare and call,her that ,she would call me, back ,so I would feel supported. I do have a very good counselor, she just gets it , is kind, understanding , and supportive.

[Blueberry]

Alexandra, I'm wondering if you're in a place where there's not real understanding of the difference between cptsd and ptsd? You do not have to tell me that or where you live, it's more a question for you to consider...

I've been in a lot of different types of therapy over the years and find it very rare indeed to be able to contact a therapist between sessions, unless it's a quick email about scheduling or something. Certainly not about a nightmare! Even in inpatient therapy when in crisis, it's not a guarantee you get to speak to your therapist, it's often just one of the psychiatric nurses on duty, who may or may not know too much about cptsd.

The only therapists I sometimes contact/ed between sessions are ones I know from multiple retreats, who I pay privately, the retreats are never covered by healthcare.

[BK]

Hi dollyvee,
Yes, I agree with therapists having strong boundaries, and also me having strong boundaries. I too grew up being very enmeshed, and this is not something I want at all anymore. I also appreciate when the therapists tells me how much time I have left, as then I don't have to worry about looking at my watch. When I said that fitting my feelings within a time frame feels contrived, its more that unfortunately because I wasn't emotionally attuned to by my parents (which I am sure most or all of us here have experienced), and I have never had any purely healthy, loving relationships, I now have to pay to have my feelings heard, and to heal. I am very grateful that therapists do exist, but having to pay and fit my feelings within a time frame just doesn't feel natural to me, but I know this is just how the world works.

Hi Alexandra,
Yes, 1 hours is better for me too, but sometimes it still doesn't feel like enough. In relation to your question around how therapy works, I would have said similar things to what others have already said