Body reactions and somatic therapy

[LaylaDalal]

Hey dear people,

This is my first topic to create and I hope I'm doing everything "right" - I didnt find anything too similar, so I hope to share some valid direction here.

My therapist holds an Integrative approach, combining somatic and body work with arts and talk therapy. She is very trauma and addiction informed, and she guides me from her own lived experience which is incredibly valuable for me and other parts / my system. I trust her deeply by now and she is saving my life.

During the sessions, I dissociate a lot and it's still incredibly hard for most of my parts to talk and not be flooded by each others material and needs. When I go into overwhelm, my body reacts strongly through spasming, shaking and fainting. I often felt and feel like Im dying. These episodes used to happen before in my life - in session I feel relatively safe because my therapist is there and she can contain me. Outside of session it feels extremly scary but even during session, many parts feel threatened and think they will die. I often cannot walk anymore. That is especially overwhelming. It has gotten better but that also comes from avoiding specific themes maybe, because we realised that these states do get dangerous and the parts saying "you need to die" can take over in such moments.
Still Im learning to deal with all this, one step at a time and mainly because my therapists patience and compassion and care seems eternal and I have never received trust like this, that recovery is possible.
I think, I'm sharing this and reaching out to you because I'm interested in your somatic reactions during therapy and in life - so this may help me feel a bit more unshamed around this, because I still often feel like an extreme freak (with the dissociation anyways already but with the body reacting this extreme, sometimes very publicly, even more).

Thank you all for being here and looking forward to reading from you!

[Blueberry]

Just want to say I read your post and want to validate tho I don't have the wherewithal to write much atm. I have a lot of body reactions too, tho often more of the Freeze variety. otoh I have seen people in inpatient settings shaking and fainting, so I know it's a possible reaction.

I'm also somewhere along the dissociation spectrum, tho not as far along as DID.

My best therapists have had an integrative approach too. In fact, where I live therapists tend not to do 'just' talk therapy or 'just' CBT etc but combine as needed.

I hope you can begin to feel less shame around all this. But step by step, it's all a process...

[NarcKiddo]

Thank you for creating this topic.

Like BB, I am also somewhere along the dissociation spectrum but not DID.

I have no experience of therapy other than talking because I have to see my T over zoom. That works well enough and she is very supportive of my own exploration of art and anything else I might care to try.

I have only dissociated once to my certain knowledge during therapy, though I am sure it has happened much more often than that. On the one occasion I am only fully aware because teenage NK hesitated in taking over and I was able to tell T what was happening. Teenage NK then finished the job and it felt like adult NK watching as she pulled a shutter down. I don't get obvious physical reactions in the way you describe but my T is getting much better at picking up on emotions I am trying to hide, which is helpful. My somatic reaction tends to be limited to a raised heart rate, dry mouth, that sort of panic response.

I am really glad that you have a supportive therapist. It must be difficult to deal with very obvious somatic reactions, especially in places where you might not feel safe displaying them. I hope you can find a way to work with this and reduce the shame you are feeling.

[LaylaDalal]

Hi BB and NK,
Thank you so much for your responses and for the validation. Its good to read that you appreciate the integrative approach as well.
And also interesting to read NKs descriptions of dissociation during a session. It makes me think of how grateful I am by now to be sometimes co-conscious like that, so I can witness what another part is doing or saying. 2 years ago, I would just not remember everything. It reminds me of what change did indeed happen already...
So great that you NK, could let teenage NK take over willingly by sharing her needs. To me it feels like such moments are so incredibly prescious.

I also feel a lot of freeze state in a sense, like you, BB described, despite shaking and fainting. Its like it goes forth and back between flight-freeze-collapse, its such an insane mixture. But in this utter chaos, there are parts coming out (in a sense, cause they cant talk) who know all the truth. Its horrible but validating at the same time...