Hi

[elitbd]

Hello everyone.

I'm glad to have found this forum.
I'm not great at the moment so I might not be terribly meaningful. 

I was diagnosed cPTSD a few months ago. Before then, I had been in therapy for almost 15 years and dealt with the consequences of emotional abuse and neglect, but I rarely had strong cPTSD symptoms, such us flashbacks or panic attacks. To the point that I wasn't familiar with it.

Towards the end of those 15 years and for a few years more, I had a quite decent life, and
I'm grateful for that. I met my partner and we have been together since.
Last year my mother got ill and that's where cPTSD symptoms started.
My parents and all my family of origin live in Italy.  I moved abroad since at least a couple of decades.
I kept my family at a distance for many years. When I was informed that my mother was at the hospital and may not make it, I decided to travel to Italy. My mother recovered but is no longer independent and I, was hooked in the familial dynamics.

Since then, I have been triggered frequently. My family try to reach me constantly and pressure me to go there and help out. Or simply they want me to be part of their dysfunctional dynamics. To me, it is like going back to the prison I used to live in many years ago.
I don't like putting labels, especially if undiagnosed, but to give you a picture, my mother is a narcissist, my sister has quite strong narcissistic traits, my father tries to meet their needs the best he can.

Happy Friday and a hug to everyone.

Eli

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome, Eli. I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry you feel you are being dragged back into the family dynamics and I hope you are able to manage this. Maybe some more therapy might help - I'm not sure from your post if therapy is ongoing or if you had stopped. Living with a FOO where there are narcissists is tough. I know this from personal experience. And dealing with them is tough even when you don't have to live with them any more.

[Kizzie]

Hi elitbd and a warm welcome to OOTS 

So many of us live with N's and it's precarious to say the least as you've found. When we step away from them we find this lovely freedom that let's us breathe and think and feel without the constant chaos. You've been there and now they are threatening that.

It's difficult when the N circle tries to drag you back in and I suspect there has been a lot of guilting. I think (hope) it will die down if you don't engage with them other then to assert you will not be going back, that you have a life wherever it is you live.

You triggering is telling you you need to put yourself first and honestly that's the way things are with N's and their flying monkeys - it's us or them. It's truly OK to choose you 

[elitbd]

Welcome, Eli. I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry you feel you are being dragged back into the family dynamics and I hope you are able to manage this. Maybe some more therapy might help - I'm not sure from your post if therapy is ongoing or if you had stopped. Living with a FOO where there are narcissists is tough. I know this from personal experience. And dealing with them is tough even when you don't have to live with them any more.

Thank you NarcKiddo.
My former therapist retired. She focused on body therapy and I found it quite effective for me.
After then, I followed the recommendation of the Psychiatrist who diagnosed me and I'm giving EMDR a go. I can't say yet if it is working. But I'm considering to have body therapy in parallel too. My EMDR therapist says they are compatible and I could look for another therapist for that, which surprised me a bit.
Actually I would be curious if other people have more than one therapy type and in particular EMDR and body therapy.

[elitbd]

You triggering is telling you you need to put yourself first and honestly that's the way things are with N's and their flying monkeys - it's us or them. It's truly OK to choose you 

Thank you Kizzie.
You're very much true, but I'm not there yet again. As you said, I find it difficult to overcome the feeling of guilt.
But I managed to get there in the past and I'm confident I'll regain that.

[Kizzie]

  Good for you!

[Hope67]

Welcome elitbd 

[elitbd]

Thank you, Hope67.

[Blueberry]

But I'm considering to have body therapy in parallel too. My EMDR therapist says they are compatible and I could look for another therapist for that, which surprised me a bit.
Actually I would be curious if other people have more than one therapy type and in particular EMDR and body therapy.

Welcome to the forum, eli

In the country I live in, psychotherapy is not divided up so much as it seems in the US, UK or other places. Any psychotherapy would of course include some talking (talk therapy?) but also other stuff. Altho body therapy is not officially covered by health insurance in an outpatient setting, a psychotherapist with additional training in a body therapy may incorporate it somewhat. In an inpatient setting, which is not uncommon here, you will have a multitude of different therapies, partially in small groups ideally with at least trauma-informed therapists, partially on your own with a trauma-trained T who may also try different methods. Mine did a lot of inner child work with me rather than EMDR. It varies.

Outpatient atm I have occupational therapy only, partially because there is an almost total dearth of outpatient trauma therapists in my area. The last one I went to, over an hour travelling time each way, didn't really understand, so I gave up with her after a while. I wouldn't mind occupational therapy and trauma therapy at the same time, and my health insurance would pay both at once. I find it best if an occupational therapist (or other therapist) is willing to briefly speak with a trauma therapist and try and work together on the trauma but each from his/her own perspective. Long ago I did have that. Occupational therapy isn't officially body therapy, but it does involve my hands sometimes and I am rather blocked in my hands for trauma-related reasons.

I hope I have written something useful / informative for you in all that.