Lockdown triggers

[Gromit]

Everyone is at home.

I am not feeling well, diarrhoea, not sure why, some online sources say this can be the first symptom of Covid-19, but not government advice. So I don't know what to think.

Because I am not feeling well I haven't been keeping myself busy, I have been inside, and everyone is home because of lockdown. Every sound is disturbing me, any distant conversation, door opening, I am waiting for some criticism, some shame to pour down on me for not doing something, for doing something, for being me.

Oh, that is horrible now I have written it down. Just experiencing it is enough to give me the jitters (which I can cope with) but actually analysing it is upsetting.

Anyone else get this?

G

[Three Roses]

I'm so sorry to hear what a rough time you're having, Gromit!

When I'm stressed, I don't normally recognize it. Usually the first indication I'm stressed out is physical symptoms like you're describing.

Can you make a video call to a friend? Is there something creative you can do, like a coloring app?

I'm interested to hear updates, Gromit. Take care. 

[Blueberry]

I understand Gromit. That's not actually what's going on for me, but I understand being triggered by this whole situation in one way or another. I would just like to send you a caring  and say I hear you.

[marta1234]

I hear you, Gromit. Most times I also jump up at some noise or unable to sleep because of loud talking.
Although my situation is probably completely different from yours, I feel like walking in pain every day because of the situation right now (everyone is in lockdown, and staying in one place). The memories and all that cptsd stuff is hard and painful.
Especially right now, writing it out, I am unable to comprehend everything. Too painful for my mind to handle.

So I just want you to know that you're not alone, if it helps. Hope you find some relief in these dire situations.

[Kizzie]

I hear you Gromit, COVID locks us away with our thoughts and feelings so there is little relief.  Honestly I think you're quite brave to write about how you're feeling because it's so hard to look straight on at painful feelings/thoughts.  I hope you continue to post, it can help to share the burden and to receive support, encouragement and concern.

Please let us know how you're faring - you might not be able to see us but we are here.   

[Gromit]

Thanks,

I think I need to return to doing what I was doing before my DD was ill. I was using breathing techniques and really mindfulness due to some training I was doing. It all got put to one side and forgotten about when I was in hospital with her. Those are the tools I need though.

Have also started reading Marcus (can't remember the spelling of his name) 'Meditations' very Stoic, which is helping restore some calm. 

My triggers worsened with remarks from my OH. Sometimes he comes out with some hum dingers, full of resentment that I am not contributing financially, kind of forgets that I could not do what he expects me too if I was holding down a full time job. He actually suggested I commute to the hospital a few times! Yes, an hour or more each way, leaving a 14 year old who he would not let walk home from school alone, alone when seriously ill. Because, for once, I wasn't at home to do everything that I do.

[Kizzie]

Humdingers can definitely be triggering!  I think of them in less polite terms but I know that awful feeling when one is lobbed in my direction and it's insensitive, unfair, critical or worse abusive. 

I hope getting back to the breathing and mindfulness helps you to lob those humdingers back in the direction from which they came