Loneliness

[Rainstorm11]

This last week has felt so lonely and that's saying a lot because I am often by myself. My family have asked me to stop telling them about my trauma and feelings. They want me to only discuss it in therapy. I am still experiencing verbal abuse. I have suffered a lot of abuse assault and neglect.
I am very depressed as well. I keep trying to work through past traumas but it's hard especially while still being abused. My ptsd just tears me up and haunts me. My family blame me for our relationship issues with little accountability on them. I feel very alone.

[Tee]

I totally get this.  I stopped talking to my family about my trauma because they made it worse by shaming and blaming me. I'm now very low contact to with them and that helps I would go no contact I think except that would cause trauma for my kids.  Good luck you are not alone. Sending you a hug of support if that's ok.

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum Rainstorm11! I'm glad you found us.

Here you are not alone! From what you write, you fit right in. That's sad of course I wouldn't wish it on anyone. On the plus side, there is a lot of support and understanding on this forum. Right from the beginning it helped me feel less lonely as well as better understood and especially validated.

I tried so long with FOO (family of origin), attempting to make them understand, but getting retraumatised myself and/ or acquiring new traumatic injuries (verbal, emotional).

There was some mention on here a while back that what people still stuck in uncaring, damaging or even dysfunctional relationships are suffering from is not so much complex post traumatic stress disorder as complex ongoing traumatic stress disorder. It's difficult to really heal when it's still coming at you from somewhere.

A place where you can talk about what's going on is here on the forum! We are here for you and we will listen. If it feels safe for you, a safe  from the forum.

[Rainstorm11]

  Thank you for your support

[Not Alone]

I hear your deep pain of feeling alone.  You may talk here. We want to hear from you at the rate and amount that you are comfortable sharing. 

[Rainstorm11]

I feel stuck. I have to be home being so ill physically and I isolate out of fear and trying to get away from toxic relationships. I am glad to find this support.
Much of my trauma involves sexual abuse. I literally have such strong reactions to people trying to touch me et c. So I am told I can't be loved. Mental and physical  abuse since age 5 but the last physical abuse was my ex husband. Mental abuse is frequent to this day. And there are so many other traumas I dissociate like now and freeze.
In person everyone is bothered by my need to express it that I feel more alone. I do blame my dad for starting the sexual exploitation and objectification of me. He was always inappropriate. He made me uncomfortable and sexualized me early but I don't have memory of him perpetrating on me. I think it somehow made me a target for the people who did sexually assault me. Does that make sense?

[Not Alone]

Completely makes sense.

[Tee]

Yes that makes sense I'm sorry that happened.  Foo trauma I think sets is up later junk, at least in my life.

[Three Roses]

Your entire post makes sense!

But it's a lie that you are not loveable. If you need to change who you are and be a certain way to get love, that's not love. That's manipulation.

I'm sorry you're not being treated like you deserve - with understanding.