Running away is a normal response

[Rainagain]

This is probably not relevant to most but helped me.

Had a psych evaluation and at the end the psych mentioned that my leaving the country to live alone and isolated far away is something he has seen before.

It's a normal (or at least understandable) reaction to extreme circumstances.

I find comfort in thinking that many of my symptoms are probably also exactly that, my external environment had to change and presumably my mind also  became altered through things I could not control.

If there is a dent in your car it's not correct to blame the car, the cause wasn't  the car's fault.

For me its helpful to think like this instead of blaming myself for other people's actions.

My case against my former employer is that they caused my psychiatric injuries, ie they put the dents in my psyche. I hadn't realised fully that it was not my fault, I maybe could have been better at looking after myself but I didn't harm my psyche, they did. Makes a difference somehow.

I wouldn't blame someone who became overwhelmed by a horrible situation, but I have been blaming myself, weird double standards.

[Dee]

It's not the same, exactly, but I've ran away as well.  My dad got out of prison early 2000.  By June of 2000 I was living overseas and continued to do so until 2013.  I don't regret it for a minute.  It was my way of limiting contact and protecting myself and my family.

I feel you did what you needed to do to protect yourself. 

[Rainagain]

Thank you for your reply Dee.

We do what we must to protect ourselves, it's normal behaviour but I never realised it.

Most people wouldn't understand.

[Anjulie]

Hello Rainagain,

although I have not moved far away, I can relate to what you're saying. I find your going away is very understandable, too. It's good that you are able now to protect yourself and care for yourself.
What your GP said is comforting to me, too, because I quit my job lately, and it felt that I was so acting against our society's laws and "normals". I know it is something very different, but i can feel a link there. So thank you for sharing this.
Anjulie

[LearnToLoveTheRide]

Hi Rainagain

My psychologist suggested that I take my Boys and run away. I asked him, "How far". His response was, "As far as you can get." He was being completely honest.

Be safe...LTLTR

[Blueberry]

I wouldn't blame someone who became overwhelmed by a horrible situation, but I have been blaming myself, weird double standards.

I go in for those weird double standards too

I don't live in an isolated area, but I do live very far away from FOO, in a different country. Different continent even from some.

I also speak a different language from them which was a type of escape in early days. While still living with FOO I had this escape in my head thinking to myself in this foreign language none of them could speak, and then later in early years of therapy using my non-native language provided a safety buffer to me since I get triggered by individual words. Not the same as your case but similar mechanism I suspect.

[Rainagain]

Thank you all so much for your input.

I'm having a very tough time and logging on to read these replies has helped me.

I think I ran as far as I could, but I brought my damaged self with me. No escape from that.

[Blueberry]

 

[suffersilence]

I remember myself wanting to do just that, I would fantasize running away to Australia, which is a completely world away from Canada.  Then the opportunity opened that I could go somewhere far away, so I did just that, I went to Washington D.C. but then I realized that I missed my place of origin, so i returned back, and realized my errors, so I ran away, Its been a cycle i went on until I finally decided to meet with a mental health counsellor, She told me that was my way of trying to set up boundaries that my FOO did not have.  She helped me a lot working through my issues as well as my lack of boundaries. 

Anyway,  Just know that you are not the only one who desires to run away, sometimes it is good to run away, to get a fresh perspective in life, sometimes it helps to get oneself away from a bad circumstance, that way you can feel more secure, and you can work things over without any interference.

Keep strong, and good for you for "running away". Stay safe as well too.

Suffer

[Rainagain]

Thank you all for posting.

It's great to know that others have responded like I did, it feels supportive to know that.

At some level we simply know what has to be done, well done all of us for doing it, wherever it is we have all ended up in the world.