Recent posts
#91
Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / CPTSD and healthy partnership
Last post by Marcine - October 28, 2025, 01:24:37 PMHi friends, I'm curious to hear from survivors about experiences of building a healthy, intimate partnership (i.e./ spouse, significant other).
In past relationships, I brought faulty beliefs— such as, to be loved I had to give up myself, to do all the heavy emotional lifting, and to control myself tightly because I am wildly unlovable.
I have debunked and uprooted most of these lies. Issues with trust and lovability linger.
I long for a close, connected partner. And I can envisage growing alongside someone who also has awareness of the unresolved bits, with a curiosity and willingness to support each other.
I'm stuck thinking this is impossible.
Anyone have experiences to share of healthy, reciprocal close relationships?
Thanks very much.
In past relationships, I brought faulty beliefs— such as, to be loved I had to give up myself, to do all the heavy emotional lifting, and to control myself tightly because I am wildly unlovable.
I have debunked and uprooted most of these lies. Issues with trust and lovability linger.
I long for a close, connected partner. And I can envisage growing alongside someone who also has awareness of the unresolved bits, with a curiosity and willingness to support each other.
I'm stuck thinking this is impossible.
Anyone have experiences to share of healthy, reciprocal close relationships?
Thanks very much.
#92
Recovery Journals / Re: Dalloway´s Recovery Journa...
Last post by Marcine - October 28, 2025, 12:51:10 PMFeeling capable of giving love and feeling deserving of receiving love... that's the greatest natural humanity... I'm so happy for you that you are directly experiencing connection.
Thank you for sharing this, Dalloway.
Thank you for sharing this, Dalloway.
#93
Recovery Journals / Re: Dalloway´s Recovery Journa...
Last post by NarcKiddo - October 28, 2025, 12:29:20 PMI am so happy that you experienced real human connection. 
#94
Inner Child Work / Re: Learning to write
Last post by NarcKiddo - October 28, 2025, 12:24:44 PMQuote from: Saluki on October 27, 2025, 03:13:26 PMWhen I feel myself having the cry feeling that won't come out I get electric shock feelings down my fingers. It's weird. I've always had weird electric pains when I feel overwhelmingly sad. Maybe it's the sadness trying to get out like a lightening rod.
Gosh, that's fascinating. I have experienced electric shock feelings, but only after surgery or injury when the nerves are trying to reattach. They do feel weird. Maybe in your case it is indeed the sadness trying to get out, and trying to trigger new neural attachments to help that. I do hope you are able to have a really good cry at some point because it does help.
#95
Inner Child Work / Re: Learning to write
Last post by Saluki - October 27, 2025, 10:12:55 PMThank you Dalloway and I'm so sorry little you went through that too. I don't understand why this world can be so cruel. That letter you wrote - I have a whole box of unsent letters to my mother. So many that I can't send. You deserved to be loved and cared for too.
#96
Therapy / Re: Meeting with a new therapi...
Last post by Blueberry - October 27, 2025, 08:12:33 PMSeconding Armee!
These days I tend to ask a new T if they know everything/ have all the answers. If they say something like "I don't know your history, I have to ask about that." End of. This T is not for me! I need them to answer something along the lines of: they help me, support me guide me, but the answers are in me, we discover them together.
These days I tend to ask a new T if they know everything/ have all the answers. If they say something like "I don't know your history, I have to ask about that." End of. This T is not for me! I need them to answer something along the lines of: they help me, support me guide me, but the answers are in me, we discover them together.
#97
Recovery Journals / Re: Dalloway´s Recovery Journa...
Last post by Dalloway - October 27, 2025, 07:21:30 PMThank you everyone for taking the time to write something nice to me and for validating my experience.
I find it very challenging these days to navigate between pleasant and unpleasant emotions. It´s like a roller coaster ride with my eyes covered, so I can´t see what´s coming next - the up or the down. Lately I´ve been involved in different activities with different groups of people that filled me with a lot of energy. For the first time in my life I experienced real human connections and presence in the company of other people. It gave me the impression that I truly exist, that I´m not just an abstract something without borders and contours. This experience was out of this world and left me wanting for more. The more real I start to feel, the more I need to be connected to the reality. I realized that I´ve always had this need, I was born as an expectation for it. So when I started to experience it, it was as if a valve had been opened and now I yearn for more. I know that there´s huge amount of love that I´m capable of giving and receiving and that it´s always been my natural need.
I find it very challenging these days to navigate between pleasant and unpleasant emotions. It´s like a roller coaster ride with my eyes covered, so I can´t see what´s coming next - the up or the down. Lately I´ve been involved in different activities with different groups of people that filled me with a lot of energy. For the first time in my life I experienced real human connections and presence in the company of other people. It gave me the impression that I truly exist, that I´m not just an abstract something without borders and contours. This experience was out of this world and left me wanting for more. The more real I start to feel, the more I need to be connected to the reality. I realized that I´ve always had this need, I was born as an expectation for it. So when I started to experience it, it was as if a valve had been opened and now I yearn for more. I know that there´s huge amount of love that I´m capable of giving and receiving and that it´s always been my natural need.
#98
Inner Child Work / Re: Learning to write
Last post by Dalloway - October 27, 2025, 07:03:38 PMQuote from: Saluki on October 09, 2025, 12:08:31 AMI know that little me is still crying and crying and crying in a small bedroom in a separate wing of a big old house with three doors closed between me and my parents' room, and no matter how much I cry, nobody comes.
Saluki, I´m so sorry for what little you had to go through. I can relate to the quoted part so much that I can even picture your being in emotional pain because that was my experience, too. I wrote about this similar experience in my recovery journal, writing a letter to my mother when I was 10 and feeling so deeply alone in the process...
The pain of being abandoned, unloved, forgotten by my mother is a wound I will carry with myself forever. I just wanted you to know that I hear you and that you deserved to be loved and cared for.
#99
Therapy / Re: Meeting with a new therapi...
Last post by Armee - October 27, 2025, 05:35:04 PMSomething that has really stood out to me as important is how willing he is to listen and learn and adapt approaches. Like NK, I really lucked out with my first and only T. When i started with him he was CBT-based and into quick results. CBT is NOT a good fit for complex trauma. What allowed this therapeutic partnership to really work was that he listened and adapted when things weren't working and was willing to learn new approaches and to adapt them based on what worked and didn't work for me.
I'd ask something like: if a particular method isn't working for a client, how do you proceed? If you found your client needed a different approach would you refer out or try to learn new methods? How do you think about therapeutic resistance? (Some old school therapists think if something isnt working it is because a client is "resistant" and doesn't want to get better). I'd also ask what treatment time frame they think is needed for someone with complex trauma and if there is a certain amount of time they would give someone before referring them out.
Ideally I'd look for someone who can do EMDR themselves (i find it helpful to do emdr with someone else who really understands my issues rather than going to someone different), who is experienced with COMPLEX trauma, and who is comfortable working with parts...IFS or otherwise. Mindfulness is also helpful as noticing what is going on inside is critical to the healing process.
Hope that is somewhat helpful. I've been in therapy for almost 8 years with the same therapist with fantastic progress even if it is slower than he has ever had to deal with. 😬
I'd ask something like: if a particular method isn't working for a client, how do you proceed? If you found your client needed a different approach would you refer out or try to learn new methods? How do you think about therapeutic resistance? (Some old school therapists think if something isnt working it is because a client is "resistant" and doesn't want to get better). I'd also ask what treatment time frame they think is needed for someone with complex trauma and if there is a certain amount of time they would give someone before referring them out.
Ideally I'd look for someone who can do EMDR themselves (i find it helpful to do emdr with someone else who really understands my issues rather than going to someone different), who is experienced with COMPLEX trauma, and who is comfortable working with parts...IFS or otherwise. Mindfulness is also helpful as noticing what is going on inside is critical to the healing process.
Hope that is somewhat helpful. I've been in therapy for almost 8 years with the same therapist with fantastic progress even if it is slower than he has ever had to deal with. 😬
#100
Therapy / Re: Meeting with a new therapi...
Last post by NarcKiddo - October 27, 2025, 04:49:32 PMI think I'd want to know whether the T is experienced in dealing with trauma. Ideally with CPTSD but that can be a big ask.
I'd also want to know what sort of approaches the T tends to use. Is it CBT, psychodynamic or whatever. People here mention EMDR as being helpful (I have never tried it) so it might be worth asking if they can do that, or are happy to recommend others for particular things if appropriate.
Of course there's the obvious administrative things like payment policies, cancellation policies etc.
I lucked out with my T. I asked none of these questions and initially started with her on an online platform with a CBT approach. I picked her out because I liked her photo!
I'd also want to know what sort of approaches the T tends to use. Is it CBT, psychodynamic or whatever. People here mention EMDR as being helpful (I have never tried it) so it might be worth asking if they can do that, or are happy to recommend others for particular things if appropriate.
Of course there's the obvious administrative things like payment policies, cancellation policies etc.
I lucked out with my T. I asked none of these questions and initially started with her on an online platform with a CBT approach. I picked her out because I liked her photo!