Recent posts
#71
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: Beating myself up for bein...
Last post by NarcKiddo - September 06, 2025, 05:08:33 PMI agree with Kizzie that having needs and being needy are not at all the same thing. I am sorry that opening up to the director did not go as well as you would have liked. I can totally understand how plucking up the courage to say anything at all may have been at the limit of what your system could handle and then you found yourself in a situation where child you grabbed the opportunity that adult you might really have wanted to oversee a little more. It happens. It seems to me that what is important now is for adult you to reassure child you that she did nothing wrong. Adult you might have preferred she did not spill in that way, but if you notice yourself beating yourself up then it might be good to make sure child you does not feel caught in the crosshairs.
And you could always consider approaching the director at another time and say something like "I'm sorry if I over-shared at the beach outing. But I just want to make sure that I communicated to you how supportive and helpful all my colleagues are and how much I enjoy working here. It's a really strong team and I love being part of it. I hope you do, too." Or some such. That drives home the positive messages you were conveying. You'd need to make sure little you does not see this as an opportunity for some support - the idea is that adult you is stamping out your fear that he might be thinking you are difficult. But it is possible he might have been caught off guard at the beach and wishes he had been a bit more supportive. In which case he has an opportunity to say so and that is a bonus win for little you. Just a thought.
And you could always consider approaching the director at another time and say something like "I'm sorry if I over-shared at the beach outing. But I just want to make sure that I communicated to you how supportive and helpful all my colleagues are and how much I enjoy working here. It's a really strong team and I love being part of it. I hope you do, too." Or some such. That drives home the positive messages you were conveying. You'd need to make sure little you does not see this as an opportunity for some support - the idea is that adult you is stamping out your fear that he might be thinking you are difficult. But it is possible he might have been caught off guard at the beach and wishes he had been a bit more supportive. In which case he has an opportunity to say so and that is a bonus win for little you. Just a thought.
#72
Recovery Journals / Re: TV's Repair Journal
Last post by Chart - September 05, 2025, 06:38:20 PM #73
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by Chart - September 05, 2025, 06:37:08 PMQuote from: StartingHealing on September 04, 2025, 06:29:52 PM09-04-2025
There are times where I wonder if a lot of the things I struggle with has less to do with me, and more to do with the F'ed up systems that are currently in force in the social sphere.
Totally with you on that one!
#74
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello
Last post by NarcKiddo - September 05, 2025, 05:00:33 PMWelcome. I'm glad you have been having success with therapy. Thank you for sharing parts of your journey. It all resonates. I've recently read a Janina Fisher book and it spoke to me very loudly indeed. I was glad because the more structured approach of pure IFS does not seem to gel with me. At least not where I am now.
I see you are located in Belgium - that is a country I am very fond of. In fact at one stage my husband and I were seriously considering retiring there. We are in the UK.
I see you are located in Belgium - that is a country I am very fond of. In fact at one stage my husband and I were seriously considering retiring there. We are in the UK.
#75
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: Beating myself up for bein...
Last post by Kizzie - September 05, 2025, 03:36:36 PMI think it's good you understand you have a need (but IMO are not "needy" per se) and are thinking about how to meet that. Sometimes that need is so strong we reveal a bit too much in one go rather than a bit at a time to see if the other person can be trusted with and receptive of the info. It's something that just takes practice for us and it seems to me like you're well on your way to figuring this out so kudos (again) 
Sometimes that need is so strong we reveal a bit too much in one go rather than a bit at a time to see if the other person can be trusted with and receptive of the info. It's something that just takes practice for us and it seems to me like you're well on your way to figuring this out so kudos (again) #76
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: The style I present is not...
Last post by Kizzie - September 05, 2025, 03:30:02 PMI have to agree with San, you're seeing your listening styles, connecting them to your CPTSD and thinking about how and why to change them - kudos! 
#77
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by sanmagic7 - September 05, 2025, 01:08:32 PMand, maybe tomorrow WILL be different, bach. chicken/egg, but hope springs eternal. just last nite, my D and are were talking about how much weight we've gained during her cancer battle, especially eating so much while she was doing the radiation treatments. we're both aware, both know what we need to do to rectify the situation, but as we both went for late-nite food last night, i said to her - i guess it's not time yet. she agreed.
there is no set 'time' in my mind, when we'll be able to care for ourselves correctly and constantly. we're still wounded, injured, wrestling w/ terrible thoughts about ourselves, memories of what's been done in our lives, and it's such a slow, sometimes painful process to settle any of that down. all we can do is grab opportunities when possible, make changes when possible, and do 'good' for ourselves when possible. and remember it's not a straight line from there to where we want to get to. we are only human. love and hugs
there is no set 'time' in my mind, when we'll be able to care for ourselves correctly and constantly. we're still wounded, injured, wrestling w/ terrible thoughts about ourselves, memories of what's been done in our lives, and it's such a slow, sometimes painful process to settle any of that down. all we can do is grab opportunities when possible, make changes when possible, and do 'good' for ourselves when possible. and remember it's not a straight line from there to where we want to get to. we are only human. love and hugs
#78
Recovery Journals / Re: More Concrete Steps, More ...
Last post by sanmagic7 - September 05, 2025, 12:58:37 PMok, then i'll be proud of you in your stead, blueberry. well done! you are very productive when you have the energy to do things. unfortunately, we have such limited energy at times, it just doesn't seem fair or right or whatever that we can't maintain it. i often feel like giving up when i have days on end of that stress flu crapola, feel quite useless cuz i don't have the energy to get off my butt and dust! take a shower! drive along to help my D w/ her delivery stuff! feel too sick to do anything but play on the computer or watch tv. yeah, it sucks, big time.
so i'll be proud for the both of us till you're able to get to the point where you can be proud of you for doing what you can when you can. i, personally, think it's a great accomplishment mainly cuz the energy/feeling good or well enough is not always available. love and hugs
so i'll be proud for the both of us till you're able to get to the point where you can be proud of you for doing what you can when you can. i, personally, think it's a great accomplishment mainly cuz the energy/feeling good or well enough is not always available. love and hugs
#79
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: The style I present is not...
Last post by sanmagic7 - September 05, 2025, 12:50:54 PMinteresting, DF. i know i am totally not 'speaker oriented' - rarely do i nod along, validating what the speaker is saying. it's like i've got a stubborn streak when i see others nodding, and i rarely do it myself. give me the information, i'll see if it pertains to me or if i can use it, if i agree or not, if it's helpful to me cuz it's something i didn't know before. i guess i'm 'listener oriented', which apparently isn't even a style according to the person who presented this.
our patterns are indeed hard to change, but i think, since you're recognizing them and then realizing what they mean for you, you've got one foot in the door to making the changes you want to make. i hope you can keep focused on that, and i believe you'll eventually get to where you want to go. best with this. love and hugs
our patterns are indeed hard to change, but i think, since you're recognizing them and then realizing what they mean for you, you've got one foot in the door to making the changes you want to make. i hope you can keep focused on that, and i believe you'll eventually get to where you want to go. best with this. love and hugs
#80
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: Beating myself up for bein...
Last post by sanmagic7 - September 05, 2025, 12:37:50 PMoh, DF, i so wish this would've had a happier outcome for you. i'm still trying to be 'seen' by some of the people closest to me, and it doesn't work real well, either. i think all we can do is take the chance, which you did. there's no guarantee about the outcome, but at least you gave it a shot. i'm proud of you for that, and i hope you can be proud of you, too. it's all we can do is give it a shot and hopefully, one of them will hit the bullseye. but, at least you don't have to regret not trying.
i've struggled w/ this a lot of my life - i'm still very sensitive about the idea that most people i know - and this has been verified by some of the people i've talked to - still think my moving to mexico was totally irresponsible and nonsensical, and that all i did when i was there was lay on the beach sipping margaritas. even after i explain that i was running for my life and that was the only place i knew to go to have a chance, most of them don't get it, can't conceive of that level of desperation. it's a horrible feeling.
i'm so sorry you go thru this, but i want to let you know you're not alone. i truly think it's, once again!, the nature of this beast. we're the ones who have to deal with the fallout of being wounded so terribly that it causes us this unsureness and neediness about ourselves. totally sucks! love and hugs
i've struggled w/ this a lot of my life - i'm still very sensitive about the idea that most people i know - and this has been verified by some of the people i've talked to - still think my moving to mexico was totally irresponsible and nonsensical, and that all i did when i was there was lay on the beach sipping margaritas. even after i explain that i was running for my life and that was the only place i knew to go to have a chance, most of them don't get it, can't conceive of that level of desperation. it's a horrible feeling.
i'm so sorry you go thru this, but i want to let you know you're not alone. i truly think it's, once again!, the nature of this beast. we're the ones who have to deal with the fallout of being wounded so terribly that it causes us this unsureness and neediness about ourselves. totally sucks! love and hugs